


Daddy Issues

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Twins, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, F/M, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, Modern Era, Reylo - Freeform, Teacher-Student Relationship, Twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don't like me. You're just a girl with daddy issues."<br/>Rey knows love is complicated but she didn't expect it to be this complicated. After gathering the courage to confess her feelings to her former professor and being rejected, she finds herself in a bar with her professor's twin brother. (reyxbenxkylo)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Diagnosis: Daddy Issues ft. Fucked Up

"You're just a girl with daddy issues."

The words lingered on to her, leaving her in a blank state.

Earlier she had confessed her feelings to her college professor, Professor Solo and to her surprise, she was brutally rejected. Rey didn't understand why he rejected her in such a manner - she waited until the semester was over and confessed in a private setting. She waited for the right time to make sure he wasn't conflicted with distributing grades and she was reasonable with him.

Rey didn't understand at all.

You don't like me. You're just a girl with daddy issues.

It hurt hearing it come from his mouth. Did she have daddy issues? The thought never occurred to her. Sure she never had a father figure and mainly dated older guys but that didn't mean anything - did it?

She sighed and sunk her head into the coolness of the counter table. She even waited for the next semester - she sworn she felt something from him. She wasn't a teacher's pet or anything - she just liked to participate in all her classes. She liked talking to him after class. Rey found any excuse to speak to him whether it was a homework question or red herring homework questions that led to long conversations.

He seemed pleased whenever she stayed behind a bit after class or whenever she had 'no place' to go during her lunch hour. They would have lunch together in his classroom, just him and her.

He didn't even let her down nicely as she had hoped. Instead he gave her a to the point response: That would be inappropriate. You're confused. You don't like me. You're just a girl with daddy issues.

It made her feel small. Inferior.

It had been four days since she had told him and to her dismay she couldn't shake it off.

He was rude when he told her. He didn't even have the heart to let her down gently - to give her the talk about how she was a nice girl and will find someone else better for her.

Was there something wrong with her?

She knew that she was young but was there something else besides her age that set him off?

It's only been a few days in to the new semester and she's already having a hard time. One, she was rejected. Two, she was getting used to her new professors. Three she's gathering up ways to pay for her textbooks and software programs. Four she kept on getting scheduled for work on the hours she had classes - she needed to talk to her manager about that. And Five, instead of being with her friends, she was at a bar by herself.

She wasn't drinking or anything. She's here for the food and the atmosphere.

"Bad day?" a voice asked from a distance.

Rey lifted her head and saw a man sitting across from her. He was four seats away from her with two empty glasses in front of him. His dark hair was disheveled, covering his face at all angles and his clothes were wrinkled as if he had slept in them. Rey wondered if he was drunk.

"Is there ever a good day?" she asked back.

The man shook his head and laughed. He sounded somewhat sober.

Somewhat.

A small smile curved upon her lips. "Bad day?" she asked then. She's not sure if she should scoot close to him or not and so she stays in her spot.

"I was supposed to see my family today - some family dinner but I decided not to go."

"Why not?" she hollered.

No one really cares that they're having a conversation from a distance. The bar is already loud.

The man shrugged and blew a lock of hair from his face. She sees a bit of his features then, it's just an eye but it's dark brown. "I hate being looked down by my parents. It's fucking annoying. I'm grown ass man but they still have the need and want to dictate my life even though I moved out years ago and have a stable job."

Rey nodded. She related to that, very much so. She had a string of foster parents, none which she ever met to their high standards. "You're not alone," she lets out a small chuckle. "My foster parents - or a collection of them, are all like that."

"A collection?"

"Yeah. I never had permanent foster parents. I went back and forth to different ones. I tried being what they want me to be but the end I wasn't good enough and so I was always transferred to another foster parent."

"Oh that sounds nice though. You weren't entitled to them."

She snorted. There was something about him, something welcoming. "What's wrong with your parents? What do they want from you?"

"They want me to go back to school and get some degree because apparently what I do isn't a job."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a fitness trainer. I make a decent living - not a shit ton but I'm manage. I have enough to pay for everything - that should be enough. I have a phone and a fridge and a washer and dryer that should be good for them."

Rey laughed. She definitely knew what he was going through. Her friends gave her slack saying that cup of noodles weren't a meal but at least she was making it out on her own instead of relying on her parents' funding. "That's more than enough."

He grinned back at the sight of her laughing. "Are you with friends?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?"

"No. Don't have one but I want one," she said.

He laughed and scooted closer to her. "Do you at least have a good drink?"

"No. I'm too young for one." At the moment she had half a sandwich and half a coke.

He was about to scoot to the last seat to her but he stops himself. "You're at least eighteen right?" he asked in a questionable tone.

Rey laughed. "Yes. I got here somehow didn't I?"

He sat down next her in relief. "Good then. If you want I can buy you one."

She shook her head. "No -

"You should at least try one before you're twenty one. It tastes different," he flicked his hair.

Rey was about to laugh until she saw his face. Her smile faded and her eyes went wide. He looked like Ben. Exactly. Well not exactly, his hair was two inches longer and unruly. He had facial hair, sharper features, darker eyes, and was dressed in a relaxed attire. Ben was clean shaven, with slicked back hair and glasses, and wore button ups and slacks. "You look like a professor I had last semester. Professor Solo," she stated. She said it quietly, uncertain if he was a different person or not.

He blinked. "Oh you had Ben as a teacher last semester?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she sucked in some breath. It was so strange how things suddenly became uncomfortable. There was a shift in body weight, a coldness in the mood. "Are you guys brothers?" she asked slowly. It was a stupid question to ask but she couldn't help it.

"Yeah. Twins to be exact," he said simply, indifferent to the information. "Did you like him?"

Her cheeks went red. "Like him as a teacher? Yeah I did. He's really nice - hes' a good teacher," she emphasized the teacher part. "Do you live around here?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I live twenty miles away. I was supposed to have dinner at his house but I decided to go here. It's more comforting here."

It made sense for Ben to live by the university and it made sense how his brother ended up in a bar that was three miles away from school.

"What's your name?" she asked then.

"Kylo."

"Nice to meet you Kylo," she said, immediately reaching for his hand. She gives him a firm handshake to be polite and also out of curiosity. He feels different than Ben. He's built differently as well, he was muscular while Ben was lean. His skin is tanner than Ben's, most likely because Ben spent most of his time in a classroom.

"What's your name - wait let me try to guess," he smirked. He examined her, scratching his chin. "You're very attentive and ask a lot of questions. You're friendly. And you have green flecks in your eyes- you're Rey."

She froze for a moment and then blood rushed to her cheeks.

"Am I correct?"

"Yeah - does he talk to you about me?" The last part was oddly specific. No one noticed that she had green in her eyes unless they really looked at her. She restrained herself, hiding her excitement.

Kylo stiffened from the sound of her voice. She sounds interested but not in him. "From time to time he talks about students he really likes. He doesn't really say anything else besides that. He's very private." That was true. His brother was a very private person who rarely discussed about his work. "He talks about other students too like some girl named Delilah and some other girl named Kristen and oh some guy named Robert and Drake," he added. He wanted to make sure Rey didn't think that Ben thought otherwise because Ben wasn't the type of person. Ben wasn't interested in his female students - or young girls for that matter. Ben kept things professional and preferred women his age.

To Kylo he couldn't care less. If he liked someone, he liked someone (as long as the person was of age) while Ben wanted a girl to at least be old enough to buy herself a drink. Kylo functioned on emotion while Ben functioned on logic.

"That's nice," she responded back. She relaxed then, reminding herself that Ben wasn't interested either way. "Are you close with your brother?"

Kylo bit his lip. She's trying to be casual with asking about his brother but he could see right through her. "Yes and no? We're polar opposites," he gives her a straight answer.

Rey nodded. Kylo spoke boldly and freely while Ben spoke quietly and was reserved.

"We fight a lot as brothers go. We're close but it's hard when your parents want you to be like your perfect brother."

"I don't think he's perfect," she said the second she a frown developing. It was true though. When she had Ben some days he was in a bad mood and would show it and also he liked things in a certain way.

Kylo gave her a look. "He went to Stanford and graduated top of his class at nineteen while I barely passed high school."

"Well just because you look alike doesn't mean you have to do the same things," she countered, comforting him almost.

He raised his eyebrow and sighed. "Tell that to my parents."

\------  
They talked for a long time until she felt her phone buzzed. "One second," she said as she pulled out her phone. 10:30 pm. She has a nine o'clock class tomorrow and it's going to take her at least an hour to get home. "I have to go - I have class tomorrow -

"Can I walk you to your car?" he said without a second thought.

"I don't have a car - I take the bus."

"Can I walk you there then?"  
________  
"Can I see you tomorrow tonight? At the bar?" his eyes lowered to hers, keeping her in place of his eyes.

She bit her lip. She didn't think about it - seeing him again. Rey looked around. There's no one around them. "I don't think it's a good idea," she admitted. It was true. It wasn't.

Kylo blinked. "I thought we were getting along though -

"We did - I really had a nice time - but I kind of -

"You had a crush on Ben," he finished her sentence.

She turned red.

He smirked at her then. He barely knew her but everything was written on her face. "I figured by the way your eyes lit up when you talked about him or when I mentioned him."

She wanted to tell him that she was still sorting out her feelings but she was afraid. "I think it would be too weird." That was an understatement. It would fucked up to see Kylo again. Having daddy issues seemed so harmless compared to seeing the twin brother of the teacher you had a crush on. She's not sure if she's comfortable around him because of his personality or because he looks like Ben. "You look like him and I don't know what I'm feeling." That part was true.

"You're going to have the same problem at twenty eight trust me."

She couldn't help but to laugh.

He smiled at her fondly. There was something about her that made him look at her kindly. "Remember what you said, we look alike but it doesn't mean anything. Let's just try it out for a bit? If it gets too weird we'll stop."

She thought for a moment. The bus was coming along and she had to act right away. "Alright," she said. "Tomorrow?"

Kylo flashed her a mischievous grin. "Tomorrow."

 

__________  
He leaves once Rey steps into the bus.

Kylo reached for his phone and checked the time. He should probably head home as well - he had a twenty mile drive. There's twenty texts that he had missed along with sixteen missed calls. He groaned. He knew what it was about.

He ignored the messages from his parents and went to the message his brother had sent.

Message one: Where are you? It's been an hour. Are you coming?

Message two: You could have at least called. Mom's upset. She's been trying to call you. You better pick up the phone.

Kylo frowned and gathered all his will to call Ben. He loves his brother - he swears he does except that Kylo can't even stand being in the same room with him. It was infuriating to be in the same room with him and being compared to. Kylo was the disappointing son, the son that didn't amount to anything. He loves his brother - he swears he does but it's complicated. It's always complicated with them. He knows he fucked up - he knows that his family misses him but he couldn't stand feeling the pain. He's already depressed as it is. He's not as smart as his brother or successful in anything. He's not as level headed or patient and he drinks and smokes more than he should.

"Hey," he began.

"Mom and dad left two hours ago," Ben said calmly. He doesn't sound angry but Kylo knows him. Ben is holding it in. He knows deep inside that Ben is pissed off. "You could have at least called," he's straight to the point.

"I know - sorry - I got sidetracked."

Ben sighed. "I know you and dad don't get along but he misses you. Mom misses you too." He sounded tired.

"I know -

"You and dad haven't seen each other in five years," Ben stated the truth. "I know you and dad don't get along but he's getting older," his voice went low, almost shaking. "He's not going to be here forever."

Kylo's heart skipped a beat.

"He's still going to be in town for a couple of days. You should stop by at his hotel. He's staying at -

"I can't." He promised to see Rey tomorrow and he had forgotten to ask for her number. He could go to the bartender and have the bartender tell Rey to come back another day but Kylo wasn't sure if Rey would want to see him after that. "I'll see him the day after tomorrow."

"Why not tomorrow?" Ben sounded annoyed.

"It's complicated. You wouldn't understand -

"Stop making excuses," he snapped.

"What difference does it make if I see him the day after tomorrow? I'll still see him."

"The difference is that you haven't seen him in five years and you should want to see him. If you care about him you should want to see him right away."

"I do care for him."

"You have a funny way of showing it. You have grow up sometime."

Kylo gripped onto his phone. "You're such a tightass. Everything has to be your fucking way. Can't you for once go with the flow and let people make their own decisions? I do love him. Don't act like you're the only one that gives a damn," he shouted. "I'll see him the day after tomorrow. That's that." He hangs up right away and went inside his car and drove off.

He's quiet during the drive, contemplating on what to do. He hated it when his brother guilt tripped him and made him feel even shittier. He has two options running in his mind. One, cut the date short and see his dad alone and two, have a short date with her and ask if her to come along with him.  
\-----


	2. Diagnosis: Anxiety ft Mixed Feelings

Chapter Two: Diagnosis: Anxiety ft. Mixed Feelings  
*********

Rey considered telling her two best friends - Poe and Finn about her date tonight but she decided to keep it underneath the rug. There was no use to get them all riled up when it wasn't a for sure thing. She'll tell them if it leads to something serious or worse, a relationship.

She tells her best friends everything except that she had a crush on her teacher and oh yeah is going on a date with her teacher's twin brother.

She's not exactly sure how they would take it. They're very protective of her as it is. The last thing she wanted was them to question her sanity even though she and Kylo were just testing out the water.

It's not as bad, she told herself. Kylo knows that she had/has a thing for his brother - but he doesn't know that she confessed her feelings to Ben fives days ago. He's not some rebound, Rey reminded herself. After all she was reluctant to say yes to him but he insisted.

She pulls herself from her thoughts and heads off to school. She wouldn't see Kylo until later tonight but it didn't mean that time stood still. She had to focus on her classes.  
*************  
She arrives to school an hour before her class started. To pass the time she roamed the building and explored but made sure that she wasn't bothering any ongoing class. It's going to be an interesting semester. She survived last semester (it was also her first semester as well) with flying colors but this semester was different. It was more relaxed but it was stressful from adjusting to new professors, getting used to working while being a full time student again, and also things were changing.

Rey understood that people grow up and change but everything was happening so fast.

Her two best friends were a couple now. They kept it low key for a few months and didn't announce it until the start of the new semester. They even adopted a puppy too, which she found cute yet irrational. Sure they were dating for a few months but Rey would have waited at least a year before adopting a pet with your significant other. Relationships come and go.

What scared her the most was her. Before, the first semester Rey didn't care how she looked or dating but things changed. It scares her how fast she changed over the course of a semester and break. During the two months of the first semester, she came in with sweats and whatever shirt that was clean and by the end she ended up dressing in fitted jeans and soft colored sweaters and an occasional blouse and skirt.

It's the second semester now and her style has evolved yet again. She's wearing fitted jeans and an autumn colored peasant blouse with bell sleeves.

This semester style was different though.

She was dressing for herself this time.

She senses him then - Ben. She senses him as if she was his prey, senses his presence. It happened so fast and yet so slow. She wanted to turn away but she doesn't. A part of her misses looking at him. Her eyes locked on to him automatically, as if it was instinct. Ben walked passed her with his leather satchel and cup of coffee. He notices her and for a moment focuses his gaze on to her.

Ben looks at her, his expression unreadable and serious as ever. He looks at her to acknowledge her presence and proceeded to walk to his class.

Her heart was beating rapidly when she saw him - must have gone at the pace of a hundred miles per hour.

Rey swore it did.

There was a reason why she never told her friends the way she felt about Professor Solo, he's serious. He's not cold or anything - he was actually nice and polite. He's just serious and he always looked tired. Worn. But that was the reason why she was drawn to him. She likes how orderly he is, how pressed his suits are and how his glasses framed his worn out eyes.

He was a great speaker when he was teaching but outside of that, he was quiet. He was shy, very shy and Rey knew that for a fact. She recalls the first conversations with him - how he tensed up so easily when she smiled as if he never saw someone smile before. She remembers all the times she had lunch in his classroom and how he kept his space between her. She remembers when she did managed to get him laugh how he made a small snorting sound and would get embarrassed about it. The only thing that wasn't orderly about him was that he had some crooked teeth. She knew he was insecure about it by the way he covered his mouth with his hand when he laughed. Rey would have been lying if she said she didn't miss those times with him.

It's in the past though. It's a new semester - things were different but she doesn't know what kind of different this was. She was going to go on a date with his brother. Rey's cheeks turned red. She wonders if he knew she was going on a date with his brother.

She shook her head and decided to go to her class.

There was no turning back on this date. Besides it's just one date, not much happens on a first date.  
************  
To Ben's surprise, Kylo calls him during his lunch.

"Hello?" he says in a relaxed manner.

"How are you?" Kylo skips the whole formality.

"Fine. Is there anything I can help you with?" Ben asked, rubbing his forehead. His brother only called him when he needed something.

"I'm quite fine actually," he quips. "Can't I just be a good brother and say hello?"

"No," Ben responded dryly.

"Anyways, I'm going to see dad later tonight. You happy?"

"I would have been happy if you saw him the other night especially when I made dinner. Right now I'm eating food that was supposed to be your plate," he says as he casually pushed around the leftovers with his fork. Ben was a good cook but as of now he was barely eating because it reminded him on how dysfunctional his family was. His mom and dad are separated but are legally married to each other and his brother doesn't give a damn to visit. Their dad was sick and yet Kylo barely visited Dad. It aggravated Ben how stubborn Kylo was. Even Mom was letting down her pride to visit Dad once in a while.

Kylo let out an annoyed groan Ben was the type of person that held grudges and keeps it over your head and Kylo hated that. "I already told you what happened last night for fucking sake. If you're still bitter about it then don't have to eat the fucking food."

Ben scoffed. "I know you. It's never something important. It's always your hormones ever since high school."

Kylo gritted his teeth through the phone. He hated it when Ben guessed things right. "Well this is different this time."

"So I was right."

"Fuck off. And I mean it. This is different."

Ben let out a laugh. "You said that the last eight times." His brother barely held jobs let alone relationships. Kylo liked chasing around but once that part was over and things become serious, he leaves and looks for someone else to chase. It was pathetic and sick and Ben had expressed his thoughts about it multiple times.

"I know but this is different," he snapped.

Ben suppressed a chuckle and decided to humor Kylo. "Alright," he says in a kind manner. "What makes you think this is different?"

There was a pause.

Ben wondered if Kylo was thinking or was speechless.

"I don't know I just met her -

"Shocker."

"But," Kylo emphasized, overpowering his brother's voice. "She's different. She's sweet. Kind of shy. I'll be careful with her."

Ben rolled his eyes but kept a polite tone over the phone. "Why weren't you careful with the others?"

He could hear Kylo exhale for a moment. "She's small. Tiny. I want to keep her."

"You can't own people," he reminded his brother. There was a time when Kylo was in love. They were seventeen when it happened. It was so bad that Kylo became possessive and the girl ended it on bad terms because of it. It was really bad - Kylo would randomly show up in front of her house in the middle of the night and follow her when she was out with friends and wait outside of her class. Ben knows that's the reason why Kylo was afraid of commitment. He was too afraid of getting close and becoming obsessive.

"I know I know," he said roughly. "You're the one to talk. How's your love life?"

Ben could tell that Kylo was smirking. "You already know," he said coolly. He doesn't mind the jab. Their mom was always asking him about it as it is. "I'm focusing on my work. I don't have time for a relationship."

"Don't you miss it though?"

"Miss what? Having a girlfriend?" Ben did miss it but he didn't have any time for a relationship. When he wasn't teaching or grading Ben was working on his book. He plans to publish his book by the end of this year actually.

"No. Sex. Do you miss having sex?" Kylo let out an amused laugh.

Ben's cheeks went red. "Why are you even concerned about that?" He definitely missed that. He hadn't had sex in two years.

"Because I know you. You don't have sex unless you're in a relationship. Which is a concern for me because you are a good looking guy if I do say so myself. I'm surprised that your dick hasn't exploded yet."

Kylo was so full himself. There was never a time that Ben could recall when Kylo wasn't complimenting himself. "I'm quite fine."

"You can get a prostitute you know -

"Kylo!" Ben raised his voice.

Kylo laughed. "I'm kidding - but honestly doesn't it get to you? Being alone? It's been two years since your breakup with Julie. You should move on," his voice went low.

Ben frowned. "I'm fine. Other than my schedule it's just hard for me to connect -

"Because you're picky," Kylo finished. "But if you do find someone you like, just go for it okay? No overthinking and being a tight ass."

It was almost sweet until the last part. Ben didn't say anything though. That was thing about Kylo. Most of the times Kylo was conceited and hot headed and insensitive but sometimes he was sincere.

"Promise me okay?" Kylo asks then.

Ben bit his lip and thought for a long time. "I promise."

***********

Go for it.

Those words were foreign to Ben. He doesn't like doing things without a plan. He likes things to go smoothly. Like clockwork.

Along with that, he wanted to be with a reasonable person and be in a well suited relationship. Ben wanted to be with a woman his age who was also a professor in the same field as him. That's all he wanted, to find a woman who shared his interests and passions. Surprisingly, that was hard to find at work.

Many of the female professors were either older or were already married off. The single female professors that fit into the category didn't click with him. He felt nothing with those women, no chemistry whatsoever.

Of course, there were times where his body betrayed his mind. The women that he does find attractive never meet his requirements. It were purely physical he knew and so he never allow those situations to develop.

It saves him from heartbreak.

Ben knew what he wanted. He wanted a future with someone.

The only girl that somewhat met his requirements was a former student of his. He was attracted to her and they were able to talk about anything but she was younger than him. She was still a first year, with years to go. She has a whole future waiting for her and he doesn't want to interfere.

With that in mind, even if they dated it wouldn't last long. She was ten years his junior and in time they would run out of things to talk about. He would hurt her he knew. He would hurt her by never being around due to his schedule. He would let her down by not fitting in with her friends or being exciting enough for her. He would soon bore her like he always did with his past relationships.

Couple of days ago she confessed to him how she felt about him. He rejected her naturally and told her what she needed to hear. It was hard for him to tell her but she needed to hear it. She needed someone her age, someone who was at the same place in life. They were far apart beyond their ages. She was still in school. Ten years from now she would want to focus on her career while he would want to have children.

He didn't just hurt her. He ruined their friendship. He misses seeing her poke her head through the door of his classroom. He misses seeing her little flushed face as she spoke in eagerness. He misses hearing her nervously ask for permission to eat in his classroom with him. He misses the sound of her laughter and feeling the satisfaction and pride for being the one making her laugh. He misses all of it but it was better this way.

If he allowed her to continue this, he didn't know what he would do. He didn't know if he's able to remain professional or worse, develop deeper feelings for her.

Ben already fantasizes about her as it is. Ever since she confessed to him, he's been having the same dream.

It wasn't one of those far fetch dreams, but rather a dream that could possibly happen.

In the dream of his, he sleeps with her. However it doesn't start right away. Other things happen first in sequential order. First he reciprocates his feelings for her. Second he would take her by the hand and take her to his car. Third (this part was strange but he could see it happening) they drove off but before they could go to his home, they stop by a drugstore. She would be waiting in the car while he went to purchase condoms. Ben didn't carry condoms around him unless he was dating. Fourth, once the awkward silence ended with him buying condoms, he took her to his home. Fifth, they would be shyly but eagerly kiss each other. He would kiss her gently, caress her and stroke her cheek. He would ask her several times if she had second thoughts but she'll always be certain. Eager for that matter. Sixth, he would fondle her. Feel her up and build his way towards her.

It was a nice dream but he knew where it would lead if it did happen. Emotional distraught. Regrets.

In a perfect world he would still talk to her but this wasn't a perfect world.

*****************

Night finally approaches and Rey is already at the bar, patiently waiting for Kylo. She's still in the same clothes but added a thin layer of mascara on her eyes and swiped some blush on the temples of her cheeks.

She's nervous, her foot was shaking rapidly.

The whole day she wanted to think of Kylo but ever since she saw Professor Solo, he's been on her mind. It's not like you were in a relationship with him to begin with, she reminded herself. She shouldn't feel guilty but she did.

This was his brother for God's sake.

Twin to be exact.

She doesn't even want to know if Professor Solo knows that she's on a date with his brother.

"Nervous huh?" Kylo says as he made his way towards her. There was a smug look on his face that set the crooked smile well.

Rey couldn't help but to laugh. "Is it that obvious?"

"You're face is so small," he laughs as he sat down. "All the little emotions you're feeling is showing on your face, scrunching it up."

It amazes her how relaxed he is.

"I'm nervous for a lot of reasons," she admitted.

His eyes widened in interest for a moment before looking at the menu. "What are the reasons?" he asked to her. "I'll have a beer and she'll have a Coke," he says to the waitress.

"Well you know, I did like your brother," Rey says. She rather have it out in the open. It was only fair.

Kylo's lip twitched but he quickly shrugged. His thoughts were becoming dark but he remained collected for her. Everything was so easy for Ben. Ben was the smart one. Everything was handed to him. "So? That's in the past and besides it was nothing serious, right?"

"Right."

"What are the other reasons?" he asks, immediately changing the subject. He doesn't want to hear her mention Ben for the rest of the night. Seeing her eyes lit up like that when she spoke about Ben made his blood boil.

Rey blushed immediately. "It's kind of...my first date," her voice rasped.

Kylo blinked in shock. He shifted in his seat but warmed up to the fact. He liked it very much, he liked the idea of being her first everything. He liked idea of having her all to himself - that no one had her before him. "Really?" he grinned, showing her his crooked teeth.

Rey stared at his teeth and became transfixed with them. His teeth were like Ben's but he wasn't afraid to show his teeth to her. It was nice to see someone so comfortable in their skin. A small smile curved on her face. "Yeah," she breathed dejectedly. "It's not funny -

"I didn't say it was. I think it's cute."

"Why?" her eyes narrowed defensively. Her shoulders were tensing as his gaze on her lingered. His eyes were locked on to her and they were becoming dark. She didn't notice it last night how intimating his stare was. He was reading her, down to the little details from every single freckle to what was cosmetic blush.

"You're all fucking nervous, it's fucking adorable," he let out a smirk as the drinks came by. He took a big gulp of his beer before explaining. "And it lets me know what kind of person you are."

Rey took a sip of her coke. "Really?"

He nodded. "You're reserved. Careful. You don't let just anyone in. Pun intended."

Rey blushed again. It baffles her how it's second nature for him to curse and speak so crudely. "You read people very well," she answered back, almost as if it was a comeback. "Are you a stalker or something?" she teased.

Kylo laughed. "Nope. I'm a reformed stalker. I've been sober since high school."

"You stalked people when you were young?"

"I didn't follow them to their houses or anything - I just followed them around in school."

It does't set her off at all. He's an adult now. "Didn't you have anything better to do?"

"Nope," he laughs again. "I was a weird kid in high school." He went through a rebellious stage when he was a teenager from doing drugs, picking fights, and defacing school property. "I had a band though. I had an emo phase."

"Really?" she laughed. She could picture it now, him with slicked back hair and eyeliner.

Kylo nodded.

"What did you play?"

"Guitar and I was the singer too."

"Were you any good?"

"The best. The greatest," he winked at her.

Rey crinkled her nose and laughed. God this guy was so conceited but with a smile like that, she found it endearing. "Did you get a lot of admirers?"

"Plenty - how were you like in high school?"

"I don't know it's hard for me to see clearly. I just got out of it."

Kylo laughed and inched closer to her. "Were you the artsy type? Sporty type?"

"Quiet," she said plainly. She think much of herself. "I didn't really have friends outside of my wood shop class. I mainly focused on my studies and work."

"What did you work as?"

"A mechanic."

"If we were the age in high school, did you think I could win you over with a song?" He could imagine it, him being perplexed and interested in her, the quiet girl. He could imagine him getting frustrated that she didn't fall for him so easily like the girls do - he could see himself falling hard for her.

Rey laughed. "Depends on the song and if you can carry a tune. I bet you were popular with the girls in high school."

Kylo frowned and leaned closer to her. He likes it, that little sassy smile she had. He likes the way she smelled, it's a faint floral and earthy scent."Yeah but not with the right girls." At that time, it wasn't an issue to him. When he was younger he fucked around but it didn't mean anything. It left him empty. He still fucks around but not as much now.

*********

"Can I drive you home?" he asks as he opened the door for her.

"If it's not an issue-

"It's not," his voice was hoarse. "Can I kiss you?" he asks in the car. He didn't even turn on the car yet. He's not the type to ask but he feels like he should with her.

Rey blinked. "You barely know me," she said reasonably.

He flinched. He doesn't like being rejected but he respects her. "Did you enjoy tonight?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Yeah I did."

"I like you a lot. I wish we had more time to talk." He wishes they could talk the rest of the night but he has to see his dad.

"Why do you like me?" she asked doubtfully. Her heart was beating rapidly. He was leaning towards her, his mouth twitching in anticipation. "You barely know me."

"You're scared," he murmured. "You're scared to like me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you think it's wrong for you to like me because of Ben."

The words sting but he wasn't wrong. "I don't want to cause anything -

"You won't." He ran his fingers through her hair. Her hair is soft like he imagined, silky. He smirked to himself at the sight of her squirming in embarrassment. She's beautiful, he thought that the second he saw her.

"Why do you like me?" she asked firmly, pushing him away from her.

"You're not like anyone I ever met before. You're feisty and you speak your mind. And you're beautiful - I know we'll be a nice set together."

"Set together."

He nodded. "Yeah. Pieces and all." It was a perfect pair, she was so slender and small. He liked idea of having her beneath him. He likes the idea of fucking her and making her flustered with his weight and size. He wants to see her - see her try to take him in bit by bit with her tiny body.

"Do you always come out this strong with other girls?"

"Yeah. I don't want to waste my time playing games."

"I want to make it clear that I don't move fast."

"I know. I'll wait. I'll still beg but I'll wait."

Rey rolled her eyes and laughed. "You're an idiot," she teased. "But I mean it in the nicest way."

"Does it mean I can kiss you?" he asked hopefully.

Rey laughed again. "Doesn't it weird you out that I used to like your brother?"

"Nah. It lets me know that you have a great taste in men," he grinned. "You find me attractive," he stated.

"You're so cocky."

"I know." He stole a kiss on a cheek.

Rey moved back and blinked several times. "Did you just?"

He flashed her his teeth. "Yeah and I liked it."

Rey punched him the shoulder and glared at him.

He glared at her back with equal ferocity but within seconds they broke out in laughter.

"Cheater," she mumbled.

He showed her his crooked teeth at her again. "I know."

**********

They saw each other the next week and the week after that and somehow it became a month. In between the month they texted each other and faced time. It was nice, having someone being there for her. He makes her laugh. Every time. She never pictured herself with someone like him. He's a train wreck but he was sweet with her, always begging for a kiss. She would always tease him and deny him until he won her over.

She wasn't sure what they were exactly though.

She wasn't sure if they were just casually dating or were more until the very next day.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? It's not too late to turn back," he said.

Rey laughed. "I'm sure. It's not a big deal or anything. We're just visiting your dad."

Kylo wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on her head. "Yeah but he's an ass."

"You're an ass but I like you."

"I'm a good boy that's why."

"Sure," she said sarcastically. She's surprised that he brought her up to his dad though. She didn't expect for him to be the type to talk about things like that. "Did you tell anyone else?" She hugged him back, comforting him. It was funny, how big and strong he was and yet he acted like a little child.

"Nope," he muttered. "Just him. It just slipped out really."

They stopped by the florist shop first before going to the hospital.

She clutched on to Kylo's hand as the made their way to his dad's room. Hospitals made her queasy. There was something unsettling with how spotless the place was to her along with how quiet it was.

"How long has he been here?" she asked.

"A few months."

Rey frowned. "Oh."

"Yeah, but he's doing fine with his treatment though," he said quietly. "It's not as bad," he assured. "At least with this, it's making the family get together after all these years. Before this happened, him and mom hadn't spoken to each other in years."

*******  
His dad looks ill.

He looks worn out - Rey could see his bones clearly. His jawline was prominent and his eyes were sunken in. Rey's skin tightened. He looked so frail, so tired. But that all changed the second his dad opened his mouth.

"God you're here," his dad said in disgust as he smirked to himself. He may be sick but he still has fire in him.

Kylo gritted his teeth and mumbled. "I don't have to be here, if that's what you want," he said flatly.

Rey suppressed a smile. Kylo has his dad's smirk. She nudged Kylo then. "Give him a hug," she said.

Kylo did so. He hugged his father stiffly while Han was enjoying it. Han made it uncomfortable for his son with his commentary and mocking.

Han opened his mouth but paused. He pulled back and stared at Rey for a moment and then at Kylo. "Who's this?"

"This is Rey. The girl I've been telling you about. My girlfriend."

"Oh thank god you're not gay," he smirked again at his son. "Not that there's anything wrong if you were gay - it's just I thought you were making her up. She sounded too perfect. You're always talk about dating girls but you never once bring them over and I was getting worried since you're always hanging out with your friend Hux- and Rey it's nice to meet you. You're a saint, honestly you are for putting up with this hard head. How can I ever repay you?"

Rey chuckled. Kylo might not see it, but he's just like his dad - a smooth talker and a smart mouth. "Just an approval from you is all I want, sir."

Han grinned at her and then at Kylo. "She has a smart mouth on her too. I like her."

Kylo cracked a slight smile. "I like her too."

"He was kind of worried that you wouldn't approve since I'm younger," Rey added, griping on to Kylo's hand.

Han swatted his hand in the air. "Please. Do I look like his mother? I don't give a damn about age as long as you're legal. Besides I met his mother at the same age too. Kylo," his father turned his head to him. "She's a keeper. Don't fuck it up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: p.s. Han's joke was light. He doesn't care what his son's sexuality is as long as Kylo is happy.
> 
> I support lgbt and have gay ships.


	3. Diagnosis: Infatuation ft. Decisions

It was strange for Kylo to see his dad proud. He's not exactly proud of Kylo himself - he was proud of the girl he picked out. It's still something at least, Kylo thought. His dad and him rarely get along and never agree on anything. He watched in interest as his girl spoke eagerly to his father about cars. His hand ghosted hers, holding her firmly in his grasp. There's something building up in him, happiness and relief.

"You have a millennium falcon?" Rey exclaimed to Han.

Kylo smirked to himself.

"Yes I do."

"You're lucky. That's like my dream car but they don't make them anymore."

Han gave her a slight smile. "Hey if I kick the bucket you can have it."

Rey's eyes widened. "Wait what - you can't be serious."

"I'm serious. For some reason, my sons don't want it." Han shot Kylo a stern look.

Kylo shrugged absentmindedly. "I don't want a car that you and mom used to fuck in." Long story short, his mom and dad fucked him and Ben up with sex. A long time ago, there was a time where their parents loved each other. It was nice except they fucked everywhere and anywhere and the twins walked in on them accidentally too many times growing up. It was no wonder that Kylo and Ben were fucked up about sex.

"Your ass has been there since you were born. What difference does it make?" Han scoffed.

"It's like you're giving me an already used condom."

"Jeez where's your fucking manners? You're girlfriend is standing here."

Rey couldn't help but to laugh. Kylo and his dad were so much alike.

************

"Rey, can you step outside for a bit?" Kylo asks.

"Why?" she blinked.

"Nothing. I just want to have a private conversation with my dad before we leave."

She nodded. "I understand." She leaned and kissed his cheek.

"Hey dad," Kylo called out for him.

"What is it?"

"Can you not tell mom and Ben about me dating?"

Han raised his eyebrow. "Why? I know she's young but they'll get over it. They'll love her."

"Well you know how judgmental mom is and how Ben isn't afraid to be brutally honest. I don't want her to get scared off. It wouldn't be a good idea especially since me and Rey have been only dating for a little bit."

Han thought about it and then nodded. "They're so alike," he chuckled fondly.

Kylo's heart skipped a beat. He hates when his dad speaks like that - speaks so fondly of mom. It gives him hope that maybe dad and mom will get back together but they've been estranged from each other for ten years.

"How are you and Ben?"

"We're okay except he won't be okay if he knows I'm dating Rey."

"It can't be that bad. Stop being so dramatic."

"Rey is a former student of his," Kylo said flatly.

Han's eyes widened. "Jesus Christ how the fuck did you meet her? Do you go around the university and chase skirts around?"

"Long story but no shit I don't," Kylo snapped. "Ben's going to have a heart attack."

"Damn our thanksgivings already sucks as it is with your Uncle C-3PO always bringing up the time your mom and your Uncle Luke made out."

They both shuddered in horror. "Don't remind me."

***********

The next day, she decides to tell her friends about her boyfriend.

"Rey, I don't know how you got yourself into this mess," Finn mumbled.

Poe shook his head in agreement with crossed arms. "What do you even see in this guy? He's the twin of your former professor - he looks exactly like Professor Solo."

"And what did you even find attractive about Professor Solo anyways?" Finn exclaimed. This girl was going to give him high blood pressure before he was thirty. "He's so goofy looking and those big ears of his!"

Rey blushed. "I don't know. With Professor Solo - I just thought he was cute. Like in the nerdy way."

"And with Kylo?" Poe asked. He leaned down and scooped up his puppy BB-8.

"I think he's cute too and I really like how open and fun he is. I really like how affectionate he is."

"But," Finn emphasized. "Do you like Kylo or do you like him because you can't have Ben?"

"What?" she snapped. "Why would you even think that? I'm not dating him because he's a rebound or anything. I'm dating him because I like him. I was reluctant to date him but I made it clear about the situation and -

"But Rey, he has Ben's face," Poe interrupted.

"I know but I don't care. Even if Kylo didn't I wouldn't care either. I like him - why do you guys find that so hard to believe?"

"It's just the whole situation," Poe answered smoothly. "Like what if you met them at the same time? Who would you like?"

Rey bit her lip. "That's a strange question but I would like Kylo. I would like him because he's outgoing and open. Besides Professor Solo isn't interested in me."

"But what if they both liked you?" Poe countered.

"Who would you choose? Would you choose the bad boy or the sweet nerd?" Finn chimed.

She hesitated for a moment but gave them a confident answer. "Kylo."

Finn and Poe looked at each other and then at her. They saw it, they saw her hesitate. "Just be careful," Finn said weakly.

"Oh you guys know I have daddy issues," Rey joked.

They didn't find it funny though. Instead Finn sighed and patted her hair. "I know honey, I know."

Poe was about to open his mouth until the door knocked.

"Who's that?" Poe asked.

"Kylo. We're going on a date tonight."

"Good!" Poe said. He rushed to the door and opened it before Rey could.

Rey raised her eyebrow. "What's going on-

Finn covered her mouth.

"Hi. I'm here for Rey," Kylo said awkwardly. "I'm-

"We know who you are," Poe said as he petted BB-8. "I assume she talks about Finn and me to you."

Kylo nodded. He remained unaffected. He's aware that Rey's friend was trying intimidate him but he wasn't even close.

"Tell me what are your plans with my and Finn's cinnamon roll?" Poe glared at him. He pulled Rey by the arm and patted her head like BB-8. She rolled her eyes and she swore BB-8 gave her a look of pity.

"You're fucking fruity," Kylo laughed as he snatched Rey by the arm. He wrapped his arms around her then and rested his chin on her head. "Hi babe," he said to her.

Rey laughed. "Hi. I'm sorry that you have to deal with my two fathers." She lets him hold her like this. She doesn't mind but she knows damn well that inside her friends were screaming.

"It was bound to happen," Kylo laughed.

Finn and Poe weren't amused. Their arms were still crossed and their eyes were on him.

"I'm taking her out for dinner and a movie and I'll bring her home by ten because I know she has work in the morning, sirs," Kylo said mockingly in a polite tone.

Rey pressed her lips, concealing her laughter.

"Listen," Finn began. "If you hurt her I will hunt you down and kick your ass."

Kylo remained indifferent. "Scandalous."

Rey laughed. "Stop it DADS. I'll be fine. You guys taught me well and instilled good morals on me. I can protect myself," she teased.

Poe and Finn shared a look at each other. She was beginning to be influenced by her boyfriend and they didn't like that at all.

Kylo sensed Poe and Finn's discomfort and exhaled. "If you're really worried, you guys can tag along and we'll double date."

She watched her friends' glares turn into devious grins. Rey frowned and turned to Kylo. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Knowing them, it's not going to be a double date. They're going to be chaperones."

"I know but calling it a double date makes it sound less fucked up," he winked at her.

*********

Something had changed in Kylo.

He was happier, more flighty than usual.

Ben noticed this. He wonders what changed Kylo's mood. Usually Kylo tells him everything - every excruciating detail.

"Your brother's in love," his mom says.

Ben raised his eyebrow. "Who? Kylo? It's more of an infatuation." His mom and him knew nothing about Kylo's girlfriend but they knew that he was dating. He was exhibiting all the signs - goofy smiles and dreamy stares and nice clothes. Kylo would never say anything about his relationship unless it was serious and so Ben didn't think much of it. Kylo was the type to fall in love fast and hard with anyone and fall out of love quick as well. "It's just puppy love. If he's really in love he would have brought her over to meet the family."

Leia gave her son a cheeky look. "Well from what I gathered they've only dating for a while that's why."

"Yes and for that reason I don't think it's serious." Still Ben couldn't help but to be curious. His brother was a stray cat as it was, but there was something different in his behavior.

Ben didn't notice until the next day, when he saw Kylo on campus. Ben was on his way to his classroom but he stopped the second he saw Kylo. Kylo was sitting outside of a lecture hall, patiently waiting for something. Ben raised his eyebrow and immediately went to him. "Kylo what are you doing here?" he asked.

Kylo quickly stood up and painted a smile. "Hi Ben," he said through a nervous smile.

Ben didn't smile at all. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you!" Kylo exclaimed with a wide grin.

Ben's eyes furrowed. "Really?" he crossed his arms. He didn't buy it one bit.

Kylo nodded wildly. "Of course. You're my brother!"

"Do you even know what class I teach?"

Kylo paused. "Of course I do!" he exclaimed again.

Ben frowned. "What do I teach then?"

Kylo hesitated and said the first thing that came to mind. "Um...math?"

"Not even close. Seriously what are you doing here?"

Kylo was about to open his mouth but the class came out.

And then Ben knew. He knew by the way Kylo unconsciously turned to the door of the lecture hall and looked around. Searched. The girl he was seeing was in that class and was just let out.

"She's in the class isn't she?" Ben's voice went low.

Kylo went pale. "Wh-o?" his voice cracked.

"The girl you're dating."

"Wait how did you know?"

Ben sighed. Kylo wasn't great with hiding his emotions. He didn't even need to tell Ben that he was seeing someone. It was written all over Kylo's face. "Dad told me," Ben lied to see a reaction.

Kylo's face scrunched up like an angry child. "I told that fucker not to tell."

Ben laughed. "Who's the girl-

Ben stopped himself when he saw her from the corner of his eye - Rey. Ben blinked and stared at her and at Kylo. Kylo wasn't even looking at him, he was too scared to. "Are you two dating?" Ben frowned.

Rey sheepishly frowned. "Professor Solo -

"You're not part of this," Ben said calmly. "This is between my brother and I." Ben glared at Kylo and Kylo glared back. "I'll have a word with you after work."


	4. Diagnosis: Breakdowns ft Identity Issues

Kylo buys both of them a beer as a peace treaty - him and his brother.

"You can have it," Ben slid the beer to him.

They were at Ben's home, miles away from any students. And Rey was away, this was a conversation between brothers. "Suit yourself," Kylo shrugged then, pretending to be unaffected.

"You don't know how furious I am with you," Ben mumbled.

"I have hunch though."

"Stop being a smart ass."

Kylo took a gulp of his beer. He knew it was going to be a bad fight when Ben starts cursing. "What's this all about anyway?"

Ben glared at him. "You're dating Rey."

"And?"

"Stop acting like you're ignorant. You know that it was a stupid and horrible thing to do. You were hiding it. Kylo you're dating my student -

"Former student," his eyes bored back to the prick of a brother he had. "I didn't tell you because I knew you were going act like this."

"How did you even meet her? What did you just went all around campus and going by the description of her?"

"I met her at a bar. I didn't know she was the girl you always kept talking about until halfway on the first day I met her. Sometimes the universe is funny that way. Get your head out of your ass. Stop thinking that I'm always try to steal things from you. Besides she wasn't yours to begin with."

"But you knew that she was my student. Kylo what on earth makes you think that it's okay for you to date her? She's younger than you- she was a former student of mine. She's still a teenager."

"Well you always tell me I act like a fucking teenager and a child." Kylo wanted to give him a middle finger and so he did.

"Grow up."

"Once you get your head out of your ass."

"I'm not sure if you know this but she likes me. She even confessed to me a while ago."

Kylo trembled but held himself up. He didn't know that she did that. "Yes but knowing you, you don't feel the same. You rejected her because she didn't meet your criteria. Am I right?"

Ben flinched and hesitated. "Yes but-

"So what's the big deal? You don't like her but I do."

"She doesn't like you," Ben spat out then.

Kylo stood up. "Of course she does. Me and her are dating. Besides I already knew she had a thing for you. She told me. She told me right away and upfront. And me and her talked about it."

"Don't you find that concerning? That she was infatuated with me and the second I rejected her, she dates you?"

Kylo shook his head. "I know my girl. She's crazy for me."

"She doesn't like you. She likes you because you have my face. Why else would she like you?"

Kylo winced as if his brother had slapped him. That was the worst thing his brother ever said to him - that he wasn't good enough. That he was a conciliation prize. He goes quiet then, being reminded of all the times he saw Rey's face lit up whenever he brought up his brother. "That was low," he bit out every word.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Ben frowned. "I'm just telling you the truth."

Kylo's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes but you think it too."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's written all over your face. It's one thing to think it but to say it out in the open? You think that since I'm not smart and accomplished like you that I have nothing to offer but a physical copy of you. You may be perfect in everything but you're a shitty brother. I'm fucking going home. Do us both a favor and fucking talk to her about how you feel." He grabbed his things and left.

***********

In the middle of the night, Rey hears someone banging on her front door. Immediately she pulled on a jacket and snatched a bat. She opened the door and finds him - Ben. He was standing there, his eyes glassy and hair and clothes slightly disheveled.

Rey's eyes widened in shock. She dropped her bat and blinked. "Professor Solo what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you," he took a step closer. He was trembling slightly. He looked nervous, the adrenaline was taking over him. "Please, don't call me that. I'm not your teacher anymore," he bit his lip. "Call me Ben." He lets himself in and closed the door. "Is anyone else here?"

"My roommates but they're fast asleep. Where's Kylo?" she asked. She was trembling.

"After we talked, he went home. Right now he's sorting things out. He gave me your address and told me to talk to you."

Her eyes lowered. "Is he okay?"

"He's upset. He's not sure what's going on really," Ben sighed. "He said that he wants some time alone."

"Professor -

"Call me Ben," he said, taking a step closer.

Rey took a step back but he went even closer. "Be-n," she said slowly, stammering. It was odd to address him by his first name. She could sense his discomfort when she said his name but he was also pleased. "Why are you here? What happened?"

He bit his lip. "I-I don't know really. Both of us don't know except that we're conflicted with the whole situation. He told me everything. Kylo wanted me to talk to you and tell you everything that I've been bottling up."

"What have you've been bottling up exactly?" she asked. She trembled as her eyes locked onto his throbbing Adam's apple.

"About the day you confessed to me," he breathed.

His breath smells of alcohol. He's drunk, he's not fully here. She doesn't even recognize him. The Ben she knew was collected and level headed. She never imagined him to ever drink. "You're drunk," she realized. She doesn't know what to feel but worry and dear.

He frowned sheepishly. "Yeah."

"I didn't think you were the kind of person to drink."

"I'm not," he ran his fingers through his hair. "I only drink when I'm distressed and this situation has shot my nerves." His cheeks went red and his shoulders tensed. "I know I shouldn't be here. I know it's inappropriate and unlike me to do something like this-

"It is," she crossed her arms protectively. "It's the middle of the night. You could have waited for the morning -

"I'm tired of waiting and making myself miserable. I just had to let you know that I like you Rey. I can't hide it anymore." His blushed then. He looked so sad. TOrn.

Blood rushed to her cheeks. "What?"

"I wanted to tell you I liked you but I didn't think it was appropriate. I know what I said to you was horrible but I was trying to protect you. I didn't want to hurt you but you deserve better that me. But today when I saw you with Kylo," he took a deep breath and exhaled. "It hurt me. Do you know how much it hurt me?"

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Rey doesn't know what to feel.

He smiled softly then. "It's okay because it woke me up. It made me realize how much I want you. I want to be with you. Do you?" He touched her cheek softly and something in her felt a spark.

Her heart skipped a beat but Rey didn't answer him. Instead she examined him, really examined him. She knew he was drunk but there was something off-putting about his appearance. His features were sharper - "Kylo?" she said out loud.

He hiccuped and nodded then.

Out of spite, she grabbed the bat from the ground and hit him hard, purposely leaving a bruise. "What the fuck are you doing here dressed up like that and saying shit like that? I thought you were Ben!" she exclaimed. She was disturbed that he was standing here, drunk and dressed up like his brother. He was wearing glasses, in a button up and slacks, and even shaved off his mustache and beard. He even copied Ben's mannerisms dead on.

"I just wanted to please you. That's why you like me right? Because I look like my fucking brother?" he spat out.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you dressed like that? Why were you pretending to be your brother? It's fucking disturbing. It's sick."

"Because that's what you want."

"I don't!"

He bitterly laughed. "Come on Rey. I just saw you lit up when you thought I was Ben when I said I liked you. You were fucking blushing like a little school girl."

"I wasn't! I was just stunned -

"It doesn't matter, okay? I'm crazy for you, Rey. I'll do anything for you. I can be him for you. I can dress like him and act like him for you. Is that what you want?" his voice went hard.

"I don't! Kylo do you honestly think I'm that kind of person? I don't want him, I like you."

His face softened then. "Really?"

"Yes you idiot but not so much right now. Kylo - this is - this is sick," she breathed, her fingers curling into fists. She wanted to scream. She doesn't want to know where he got the same glasses from last minute. She doesn't. She crossed her arms and stood there. "Kylo -

He broke down on the floor then and cried.

"Kylo - what's wrong?" she tried to pull the hands from his face but he kept them there.

"You're lying," he yelled. "You don't want me. You want him."

"Kylo," her voice went low. She wrapped her arms around him. "Please don't think that," she said weakly. He was trembling. "Kylo I care about you a lot. I want you-

"What's going on?" Poe asked.

Rey turned around and found Poe and Finn standing there. They had heard Rey and Kylo screaming earlier but wasn't sure if they should intervene until now.

She didn't say a word. Instead she held her hand out for him. Kylo took her hand then and squeezed it tight. He buried his face into her, wrapping his free arm around her. "I want you. Is it that hard to believe?"

She could feel him nod.

"Rey," Finn's eyes lowered. Kylo was shaking. Finn could tell that Kylo was accidentally hurting her. Kylo was holding her so tight, crushing her almost. "We should take him to the hospital."

"He's just crying."

Poe shook his head. "He's having a panic attack. He's barely breathing Rey."

"He's fine -

"Rey," they both said.

She bit her lip. "I'll call his brother first about it" she said, reaching for Kylo's phone.


	5. Diagnosis: Depression Ft. Inconclusive Data

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: rip your feels

Hearing her voice on the phone was the last thing Ben expected. "Rey?" he asked slowly, clearing his throat. It's the middle of the night, he's not sure if he's dreaming or not.

"Yeah it's me."

"How can I help you?" he asked, putting the words together. He could hear her swallowing. "What's wrong -"

"It's about Kylo."

Ben sat up immediately. "What's wrong?"

"He's here with me - he's having a panic attack. I'm not sure if I should take him to the hospital or not. Should I?"

He frowned. "It depends -

"This happened before?"

Ben bit his lip. So she doesn't know. He's not sure if she should tell her about his brother's mental health. "Now and then."

He could hear her pausing. "This-this happens often?"

"It's not my place to tell you," he responded gently. It wasn't. As much as he wanted to tell her about his brother, Ben respected Kylo. "Where is he?" Ben changed the subject.

"In my apartment. With me."

"What's he doing?"

"He's holding my ar -" she winced slightly. "Arm."

Ben's heart skipped a beat. "What was that?"

"Nothing, his nails are just sharp."

"If it hurts, make him hold something else," Ben coaxed her. He knows how his brother can be when he was having an anxiety attack. When Kylo was like this - he doesn't mean to but sometimes Kylo would dig his nails into someone's arm and hold them tight, leaving bruises and marks. "Is he hurting himself?"

"No."

"Is he shaking?"

"Yeah."

"Is he breathing?"

He let out a sigh. In the dark he reaches for his glasses. "Good. Don't take him to the hospital. It's not severe. I'll be right there - text me your address."

She didn't respond.

"Rey?" he called out for her, clutching to his phone.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

She's overwhelmed, Ben knew. It was understandable, she was just thrown into it. "I know you're stressed but just take deep breaths. Hold on okay? I'll be there to pick him up."

He could hear her nod.

"And Rey," he says her name again.

"Yes?"

"Just hold him okay? Comfort him. Let him know that I'm here for him."

**************

Ben doesn't bother to change out of his clothes or even fix his disheveled hair. He just snatched his coat and keys along with Kylo's emergency medication. Even though Kylo insists that he has everything under control, Ben still stocks up on medication just in case. Just in case. Just in case Kylo forgets to take his medication or accidentally leaves it when he needs it the most. Just in case. Ben has been doing this since they were fourteen. Kylo was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started experiencing panic attacks since he was thirteen. Ben didn't start to carry spare medicine until the following year, after an incident that defined the both of them.

When he gets there, he finds Kylo sitting on a couch. He's quiet, his eyes to the ground. He's calmed down now but he was still firmly holding on to Rey's hand. The other hand was stiffly holding an empty glass cup. He looks as if he's about to explode. One bad word and he's bound to break the glass. And he's done that before. Too many times. And Rey, she was quiet, overwhelmed. Discomfort and worry was written all over her face.

Her roommates were standing, going on and on about trivial things, attempting to lighten Kylo's mood.

"I'm fine," Kylo said in an aggressive tone the second he sensed Ben. He glared at Ben but Ben remained calm as ever.

It doesn't phase Ben at all. He knows that Kylo doesn't like people smothering him after having a panic attack. Kylo's emotionless after a panic attack after letting out all he felt. What did disturbed Ben was Kylo's clothes. He was wearing something similar to the clothes that Ben was wearing today. Kylo even shaved his facial hair. They haven't dressed alike since they were children. Ben wasn't sure if he wanted to know why Kylo was dressed like him or not. "That's good but you have to take you medication still," Ben handed Kylo the medication.

Kylo frowned and looked at him for a moment with gritted teeth. "Alright."

If Rey wasn't here, Kylo would have refused to do so and made a scene.

After her roommates refilled Kylo's glass, they went to a different room, leaving Rey, Ben, and Kylo alone. Ben waits for Kylo to take his medication first before speaking.

"What happened?" Ben asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kylo snapped, taking the last pill.

Rey remained quiet.

"Alright," Ben said then. He doesn't want to argue. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Let's go."

Kylo glared at him, his jaw was twitching. "I'm not staying with you. I'm fine."

"Well you're in no state to drive to your house. It's a long drive as it is," Ben reminded him.

"I'm staying here tonight. With my girlfriend," Kylo bit every word. He pulls her closer to him, holding her possessively.

Ben looked at Rey. Her shoulders were tensing but she doesn't say anything. "Are you sure that's a good idea? She has class tomorrow -

"If it's a problem she'll tell me but it isn't," Kylo snapped.

"You're drunk Kylo," Ben began. "Please -

"If it's a problem, she'll tell me," Kylo repeated again.

Ben looks over at her. There's a smile on her face but it doesn't belong there. He stands there for a couple seconds, waiting for her to speak out but she doesn't. "Are you okay with that?" he asks her, giving her another opportunity to speak out.

"I want him to stay," she says smoothly.

"Alright," he pushes his glasses up a bit. He wants to say more - wants to drag his brother out and let Rey have a moment alone to breathe but this wasn't the right time. He's already interfered enough as it is. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Kylo."

"Alright."

"Is it okay if I go thank your roommates?" Ben asks her then.

"I see no problem in that," she says, her voice was uneven. She wraps her fingers around Kylo's arms as she watched Ben go to other room.

***********

"Thank you," he says to her roommates. They were in Finn's room, far enough to have a private conversation. "Thank you for being there for Kylo."

"It's not a problem at all," Poe gives a warm smile.

"Forgive me - what are your names?" Ben asked. He examined the both of them, recalling old conversation he had with Rey. She talked about them constantly but Ben felt obligated to ask for their names out of respect. The curly haired boy - he must be Poe.

"I'm Poe. And this is Finn."

"I'm Ben."

Poe and Finn laughed. "Oh we know who you are."

Color rose to his cheeks. He wonders how much Rey talks about him to them or if she still does or not.

"Are you taking him home?" Finn asks hopefully.

"No. He's staying with Rey tonight," Ben sighed.

Finn and Poe looked at each other weakly.

"Well I asked her if she was sure and she insisted that she was - he's a great guy. Honestly he is," Ben said. He doesn't know why he felt the need to say it but he does. No matter what Kylo did, Ben will always defend for his brother.

"I'm sure he is," Poe said to be courteous. Poe was around the same age as Ben and spoke in the same manner as he did "It's just that we can't help but to worry for her. We know she can take care of herself but we still want to look after her."

His eyes lowered. "I feel the same." He was about to leave until a thought came to mind. "Can one of you tell Rey privately that I want to talk to her tomorrow during her break?"

Finn and Poe blinked in astonishment but nodded. "I'll be the messenger," Poe said.

**********

She fixes up the living room a bit and takes out the spare blankets and pillows. "Here," she says, handing him the items.

Kylo gave her a disappointed look. "Thank you."

"If you need anything, you can come to me," she said, patting his head. She knew that he was hoping he could sleep in the same bed as her but she wasn't going to let that happen. Rey wanted to go slow. He was going to sleep on the couch and that was it.

In order for her to be able to pat his head, Kylo lowered himself to her height. "I fucked up didn't I?"

"Yes you did," she said. She doesn't sugarcoat it at all.

He sat down on the couch and with one swipe, he pulls her down and has her sitting on his lap. He props his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. He lets out a heavy sigh.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he keeps his chin on her shoulder. Next to her head, he liked to rest his chin on her shoulder.

"You look ridiculous in those clothes."

Kylo snorted. "You were into this look though."

"Not on you."

His eyes lit up then. "Really?"

"I like you. How many times do we have to go through this? If I wanted your brother, I would go after him. Do I look like the type of person to use someone like that?" It was sick. It was such a horrible thing to think about anybody.

"No."

"I don't want you to dress like him let alone try to be him."

"Why not?"

She raised her eyebrow and turned to look at him. There was no expression on his face. His stare was tense, developing into something dark.

"You thought I was Ben for a while earlier. You seemed happy- I can do that for you if you want."

"I wasn't happy. I was terrified and confused. You were fucking my emotions up," she said fiercely. "Don't ever do something like that again. Ever," she raised her voice. Her blood was boiling. To have him deceive her like that and watch him break down while he's dressed up like his brother, frightened her. "I don't want Ben and I definitely don't want someone to pretend to be him. I want a real person. I want you."

He kisses her then. Smashes his lips against hers in a loud smack. Rey pushed him away and glared at him with flushed cheeks. "I'm still mad at you."

Kylo smirked and innocently kissed her on the bridge of her nose.

"You're an idiot," she mumbled, her glare still in place.

He propped his chin on her shoulder. "I'm your idiot."

**********

She woke up in his embrace. They were on the couch, fully clothed and all. He's still asleep, protectively holding her. She attempted to move away from his grasp but he holds on to her tighter. She shoved his arms and yanked herself out but he reels her back in. "Where do you think you're going?" he asks, with his eyes still closed.

"I thought you were asleep."

"So did I."

Rey laughed. She kissed him on the cheek and brushed sections of his hair from his face. "We'll talk later. I have to get ready for class."

"Are you mad at me still?" he asked with one open eye.

"Yes."

"Sorry. In order to leave this attraction, you can't leave angry." His fingers crept over to her waist.

Rey groaned. "How are you not hungover?"

"I'm always hungover," he smirked.

She slips from his grasp and gets ready for school. He doesn't protest. He lets her. "I'll be back at 4 - will you be here still?"

She finds him sitting on the couch, stretching lazily like a cat. "I'll pick you up."

She nodded and kissed his cheek and scurried to get ready. Rey didn't mind. There was no point for him to drive an hour back home if he was going to come back for her. And Rey definitely didn't want him to be alone. She rather have him in her empty apartment with the company of BB-8 than for him to be at his house that had a vast collection of liquor.

As she and Finn made their way towards the door, they waited for Poe. They turned and saw Poe carefully hand his beloved BB-8 to Kylo.

Kylo held his hands stiffly for the puppy. The puppy was white and fluffy with orange spots all over.

The puppy seemed puzzled at first but happily jumped into Kylo's arms. BB-8 didn't like being left alone and enjoyed anyone's company.

"What's his name?" Kylo asks.

"BB-8," Poe said with pride.

Kylo blinked as the puppy ran along his shoulder. The puppy was small while Kylo was massive. "BB-8?"

"Yeah, because he's my baby and he has eight spots."

"Ah." Kylo gave a small smile at Poe as he surprised himself from wincing. BB-8 was springy thing with sharp nails.

"Take care of him," Poe said.

"I will."

"I was talking to BB-8."

*********

Poe waited until Rey and Finn were buckled up in his car. Naturally Finn was in front and Rey was in the back. "Rey," he says as he fixed his rear view mirror.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Professor Solo says he wants to talk to you privately today during your break."

Rey went pale. "Oh." She knew it was bound to happen but she didn't expect it so soon, especially when she and Kylo barely talked about last night. "About what?"

"What else? About last night. How are you feeling kid?"

"Fine. Not as overwhelmed as last night."

"Did you even sleep?" Finn asked.

"Barely."

Poe frowned at her sympathetically and started the car.

Rey fiddled through her phone as Finn turned up the music. She was grateful that today was the day they all had classes the same time so Poe could drive them to school instead of taking the bus. She attempts to distract herself but after several minutes in of seeing Poe and Finn holding hands from time to time, she spoke out. "What do you think he wants to talk bout?"

"I don't know but most likely lecture you about why it's not a good idea to date his brother," Finn said.

"I don't blame Professor Solo," Poe said then.

Finn raised his eyebrow at Poe. "Really?"

"Yeah really?" Rey asked.

Poe focused on the road and shrugged. "It's no surprise that this situation is kind of a mess and he's just trying to look after you."

Finn shook his head. "Well I think his reasons are not so honorable. I think that Professor Solo likes her," Finn declared.

Poe laughed. "No. That's ridiculous. He isn't interested in her. Besides he seems very by the book and boy scout-ish."

"I don't know about you but last night I got regretful jealous vibes from him. He looked crushed when he told us that Kylo was staying over. He was even quiet for a bit too."

Poe frowned. "So what do you think he wants to talk to her about then?"

"He wants to talk to her about dating him."

********

Rey was unable to concentrate. She fumbled about, adrenaline running through her veins. The whole morning instead of focusing on her studies, she thought about Ben and Kylo. She wondered if Kylo was okay - if he was thinking about her or not and she wondered what was going on in Professor Solo's mind. She wondered how Ben felt about the whole situation and if what Finn said was possibly true.

She kept texting Kylo during class to keep her mind going and to comfort him.

After first class, she decided to skip her other classes. It was something that she had never done before but Rey figured if she was unable to focus in her first class, what made her think that she'll be able to focus in the others? So instead she goes inside Professor Solo's classroom and decides to wait there for when break came.

It was a huge lecture classroom with one hundred plus students and so she was able to go inside unnoticed. She does her best to go unnoticed by him and buries herself in reading the next chapter for one of her classes.

But he notices her. He notices the familiar figure burying her head into a textbook. He knows her presence all too well but he continues teaching without any interruption - as if nothing had happened. Two class periods passed before he was able to talk to her.

He waits for the last student to leave the lecture hall before locking it, locking Rey and himself in.


	6. Diagnosis: Donors ft Sacrifices

Unconsciously, she bit her lip as he locked the door. He turned around and approached her gradually, his hands in his pockets. She examined him, a strand of hair is out of place and there was hints of stubble on his chin. He looks exhausted. She was about to open her mouth and make a remark but she stopped herself. She must have looked exhausted as well.

He was standing in front of her - she doesn't remember the last time she was standing this close to him.

Ben opened his mouth but something in her became angry.

Wild.

"You hurt Kylo," she said through gritted teeth. She must have looked ridiculous doing so but she didn't care. She was pissed off and was using all her will not to claw him.

Ben blinked but nodded slowly, accepting it. "Yeah. Yeah I did," he said quietly. There was remorse in his tone but it didn't satisfy her.

"What happened last night? What did you and Kylo talk about? What did you say to him?"

"I told him that I didn't approve of his relationship with you. I told him everything. I told him how you admitted your feelings for me and I told him how I felt about the whole situation. I told him that you were confused - that you didn't like him. I told him that you still had feelings for me and it's being emulated on to him. I told him that you only liked him because he's my twin."

Rey winced as if he had slapped her. "Do you honestly think that of me?" she raised her voice. She was using all her will not to scream and give him a piece of her mind.

He hesitated. "No."

"Then why did you tell him -

"Please, just listen to me. Yes I did say that but I don't think that anymore. Seeing you with him, made me see how much you genuinely care for him."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Yeah I do," she mumbled.

Ben nodded at her then. "I know that now. I didn't mean to be cruel to him but it came out that way. Please don't put last night against him. I know he's impulsive and brash but he cares for you. He's a great guy."

She blinked. "Yeah, yeah he is," she said softly, the words tingling on her tongue. It was so strange to hear Professor Solo speak so lovingly towards his brother. Of course he loved his brother, but she didn't know how much until now. Ben was...Ben was defending him."Is that...is that the only reason why you were against Kylo and I dating? That he's your brother and that he has a lot of things on his plate?"

Ben chuckled. He liked the way she said it. It was innocent, considerate. He wondered how much she knew about Kylo's health. "No. Those aren't the only reasons?"

Hers bucked as her chest began to constrict. "What are the other reasons?"

"I know you're not my student anymore but I'll always look after you." He paused as he noticed color rising to her cheeks and breasts. He couldn't help but to be fixated on them. He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "Kylo's a wonderful person but he's not emotionally stable. I know you're strong but it's still a lot for a girl your age to go through. I don't want him to hurt you."

"You hurt me," she said simply, her eyes lowering. She senses it, how much Ben cared for her that it scared her. No, you're not supposed to care for me, she wanted to say. Please, don't. Don't make this any more complicated than it is.

"I didn't mean to -

"You could have let me down gently -

"If I did you would have persisted and I wouldn't know what to do," he said calmly.

Her eyes flickered to his and she feels him, she feels him staring at the green in her eyes. "What do you think would happen if you didn't let me down cruelly?" That little thought came to her head, that thought that came and go. What if. What if something happened?

"You would have been even more unhappy. I knew I had to let you down right away, kill any glimmer of hope in your eyes."

"Both of you guys are extreme," she mumbled in a fluster. Blood was pumping to her cheeks as his eyes were firmly focused onto her. He was mentally counting her freckles she knew by the way his eyes dodged side to side. He kept counting and starting over because his glasses were in the way. Rey suppressed a smirk. He was such a nerd. "Was there another reason?"

He shook his head. "No that's it. Please don't take what I said to heart, what I felt is in the past. I just want you and my brother to be happy."

She wanted to hug him but didn't feel it was inappropriate. "I miss talking to you," she admitted quietly. She swallowed hard and began to shift her weight.

"I miss talking to you too."

"Do you think we can still talk again?"

"It wouldn't be the same. We can't go back."

"I know," she held her breath.

"But we can start again. My door is always open for you. Always. Anytime you need help, I'm here."

*****************

When four hits, Kylo was right there, standing outside of Ben's classroom. Rey blinked. How did he know that she would be there instead of her last class? She doesn't put much thought into it and instead runs to hug him.

There was no one around and she doesn't hold back.

He's still dressed in the same clothes as the night before but with another addition, BB-8 in his arm.

"BB-8!" Rey pulled away as she laughed. The puppy was licking her face. It was a strange sight to see such a tower of a height holding a small little puppy.

"I didn't want him to be lonely - hopefully Poe doesn't mind -

"He won't." She smiled widely. She went on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Never. But better." He leaned down to nuzzle her neck.

She scrunched up her nose as he sloppily kissed her.

Kylo pulls away. "Can I have some time alone to talk to my brother?"

Rey blinked but nodded. Smoothly she takes BB-8 from Kylo's arm. The puppy barked in delight. "Yeah no problem." She turned around and realized that Ben never left.

*********

Kylo and Ben didn't talk right away. They waited until they were at Rey's apartment. They were in the car with the AC blasted while Rey was in the apartment, tending to the puppy. They were sitting down, with no music on. Just silence. Painful silence.

"Are you alright?" Ben asks, clearing his throat.

Kylo didn't respond. Instead he was fumbling with the phone in his pocket.

"I didn't mean to hurt you -

"You think that you're better than me."

Ben raised his eyebrow. "No I don't. Kylo honestly how many times do we have to go through this? You are a great person -

"Do you like her?" he asks, turning to his brother.

Ben winced. "What?"

Kylo frowned and glared at him. "Do. You. Like. Her." He says mouthing every word.

"No. Why would you think that?" Ben says it like he means it.

"Why would you get upset if you didn't like her? And if you did why did you say no to her? What do you think that she wasn't good enough for your pretentious ass? What did you change your mind because I went after her? It's just like you ever since we were little. The second I want something you want to take it from me."

"It's not that at all."

"Then what is it then?" Kylo snapped. He wanted punch his brother in his perfect teeth.

"I was mad that you didn't tell me you were dating her."

"Why would you be mad over that?"

"If it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't have kept it a secret," Ben countered. "You kept something like this from me - honestly did you expect me to be okay with that? You knew that she was my student and instead of talking to me about it you hid it. I'm not mad that you're dating her. I'm mad that you didn't tell me."

"So...so you're not mad that I'm dating her?"

"I was mad about that but not as much now. I see how much you care for her. I was afraid - afraid that you were using her."

"Why would you think that? So what if I'm older than her?"

"Because it happened to me!" Ben screamed back.

Kylo blinked. "What?"

Ben exhaled but kept a straight face. "It didn't happen exactly but," he stopped talking altogether.

Kylo's face softened. "What happened?"

"I was taken advantage of in college. It didn't really occur to me until a few years afterwards."

"When?"

"My first year in college. That professor, she was twenty two years older than me."

"You were barely fourteen then," Kylo's eyes flickered.

"You think that I have everything so easily, but I had a messed up childhood too. Do you know what it was like for me - being that young at college? I felt lonely. Alienated. Everyone was older, at different mentalities and I was expected to be like them. I didn't have a friend while you had friends. I didn't belong there and the professor I had, she manipulated me. She made me feel special. At first, I wanted it but as time went on I realized how bad it was. How it emotionally affected me. I made it clear that I didn't want to do it anymore but she kept forcing herself on me and assaulting me and found ways to keep me after class."

"How long did it went on?"

"A year."

Kylo went pale. It would be one thing if it was consensual (it's still statuary rape) but it was against Ben's will. For a year. It lasted for a year and Kylo never knew. This happened when they were teenagers and he never knew. They're adults now. That's what frightened him. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"She was very manipulative. I wanted to tell someone but she made me feel sorry for her. She begged me not to tell anyone and told me that she'll lose her job and go to jail because I wasn't of age. I didn't want to do that on anyone and so I didn't. But whenever I tried to get out of it, she threatened to fail me. I wasn't able to get out until after she transferred to another college."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

Ben immediately shook his head. "No."

"Is that why you were against me dating Rey? Do you think I'll use her like that?"

"I was also afraid she was using you because you looked like me. I was afraid that she might be going through something similar like I did. That professor was the first person I connected to at college, someone I was quite fond of. But I see how much you care for her and how much she cares for you. It's different Kylo. Just please don't hurt her."

"I can't promise that but I won't hurt her like that. I won't force her to be with me. I won't mess with her emotions like that."

Ben eyed Kylo's clothes.

"I was experimenting to see if she really liked me," Kylo answered the thought in Ben's mind. "This wasn't a request or anything from her. Besides, there's a big difference between fourteen and eighteen."

"Yeah. Yeah there is. She's different." Rey was mature, mature beyond her years. It amazed Ben from the second she came into his classroom on the first day of class.

"Is that all? Is that all the reasons?"

"I care for her. She's the first true friend I ever had."

Kylo frowned. "That's not true. You had friends."

"Not genuine ones. They were only using me for their own benefits."

**********

 

First true friend.

Rey immediately hung up the second she heard that come from Ben's mouth. Kylo had accidentally called her and she heard the whole conversation. She heard everything. She should have hung up but something in her stopped her.

She was in her room, holding BB-8.

It made sense now. Ben turned her down because he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to be the teacher that abused him as a teenager. He cared for her, considers her as his equal instead of a pupil. His friend. He considered her his friend.

He doesn't like her, he's only looking after her.

Rey wanted to hug him. She wanted to hug tight - she didn't know how lonely Ben was until now. She knew from the beginning that he liked keeping things to himself - that he liked being left alone but she didn't know why until now. He's afraid. He's afraid of getting close to someone and opening up. He's afraid of being the very thing that affected him.

There was a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said, clutching on to BB-8.

The door opened and there they were, Ben and Kylo. "I'm going to leave," Ben announced casually.

She went to him and hugged Ben. "Alright. Have a safe drive." She noticed Kylo's eyes widening. She hugged him quickly and immediately latched on to Kylo's hand.

"Thank you," Ben gave her a warm smile. Rey's skin tightened. She couldn't remember the last time he smiled at her. "I will."

************  
For dinner, Ben goes to a diner. He cooked all his meals but now and then he liked greasy food. He doesn't go out much but when he does, he goes to different places that he's never been before.

"What will it be?" the waitress asked.

The waitress was in her sixties or so, with white and grey hair pulled into a ponytail. She had these thick framed glasses that resembled goggles.

"I'll have number 47, Maz," he said, reading her name tag.

"Why the long face, child?" she asked as she wrote down his order.

Ben painted a smile. "Nothing's wrong."

Maz didn't buy that at all. Instead she examined him. "You look like you lost someone you loved."

Ben blinked several times. How did she get that from looking at him?

"You should tell her how you feel before it's too late."

Ben shook his head. That would be a bad idea. He doesn't want to be the bad guy. He doesn't want to hurt her - he doesn't. He cares for her and he rather not take the chance. He rather never see Rey ever again than to be the one that hurts her. And he loves his brother. He loves him more than anything. "I don't want to complicate things."

Maz frowned. "You should stop thinking of others happiness and start thinking of yours."

"I want my brother to be happy."

*************

"Baby girl let's go on a date," Kylo declares to her the very next week.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed as she opened the window for him. "You know there's a door right?"

"Yeah but I don't want to be interrogated by your dads," he flashed her his teeth.

"So you rather climb to my room?"

"How did you think I got up here?" he laughs. He crawls through her window and snatches her to a hug. He does his usual thing, resting his chin on her head. "Baby girl let's go on a date," he says again.

"When?"

"Now."

She pulled away and raised her eyebrow at him. "I have homework -

"It's the weekend baby girl," he gave her a wide smile. "Come one let's live a little. It's been nothing but angst for a while. Wear that outfit I like," he winked.

Rey couldn't help but to blush. Oh, she knew what outfit he liked. It was this little piece he got her, a black dress with a generous neckline and his black leather jacket over. "Where are we going?" she asks as she went to pull the outfit out of her closet.

He props himself down in the chair and watches her. "City fair. I want us to try something new." He watches her change out of her clothes and into the outfit he liked. She's teasing him, taking her time to strip down. His eyes lit up when finally he sees her in her underwear. She's wearing that matching black lace set he liked so much too. Her underwear was sheer and he could see everything and her bra pushed her breasts up, only covering the essentials. He wants to touch her but she wants them to wait still. Kylo respects that but he couldn't help but touch himself in front of her as she changed.

Rey smirked at him as she pulled over the dress. She can see him becoming aroused, she can see him biting his lip as he tried to relax his hardness. "Is that all?"

"I want to win you a prize."

Rey laughed. He has a mentality of a teenager and she likes it. She never had the opportunity to be a kid growing up but with him, she's able to.

He stands up immediately to zip up her dress, pushing his erection to her back. He grinds up on her slightly, relieving himself. "Maybe if I'm good -

"You're never good," she laughs. She turned around and lets him stare at her.

His eyes locked on to her breasts. They looked so soft - they looked as if they were about to pop out of her dress- he couldn't help but to lick his lips.

"Maybe tonight, if you're good," she teases, kissing the bridge of his nose.

"Can I touch your ass at least?"

Rey laughed. "No." She puts on the jacket then. It covers her - all the curves and cleavages and all. She likes the jacket on though. It makes it casual and covers her all up.

"How about this though," he asks, pointing his erection at her. "I can't go out in public like this."

She ignored him and put on her sneakers. "What do you want me to do?"

"Suck it."

"Too soon but I'll feel you up during the drive okay -

He scooped her up then with one arm, and climbed them down. Rey squealed at how excited he was. "You're going to drop me -

"I won't." He's done this plenty of times with other girls, carry them out the window.

She kissed his cheek. "I can climb down you know -

"I don't want you to over work your hands when they have other priorities," he winked at her.

*************

The second they get into the car, he unzips himself from his pants. His cock was a few shades darker from all the blood that rushed down and it was throbbing, aching to be touched. "I want to fuck you so bad," he says through gritted teeth. He grabs her hand places her hand along his shaft. He shuddered the second he felt the coolness of her fingers. "Do you to be fucked?"

"Not now - I'm not ready -

"I know just play with me. Talk dirty to me baby girl."

She nodded. "Alright."

He starts the car and he's does so, she gradually made her way up to his tip. She runs her fingers up slowly in swirls.

Kylo held his breath. "Don't look at me," she said. "Focus on the road."

"Alright baby girl. Talk dirty to me."

Rey blushed. She hasn't reached to his tip yet but he was already flowing out. "I don't know how -

"It's alright. I'll help you. Baby girl" - that was his name for her whenever he was turned on. "Do you think I'm big or small?"

She stared at it, watching his cock twitched as she finally reached to the tip. She rubs his tip with one finger - he shuddered then. "You're big," she whispered, blood pumping to cheeks.

"Do you I can fit?"

"No. I think you're too big for me," she blushed again. She stroked his tip and made her way down, spreading his wetness all over his shaft. "I don't think you'll fit." She meant it. She doesn't think he could fit. She's small while he was taller than her, bigger than her. Kissing him was a workout as it is with all the lifting she had to do. He already crushes her in his sleep as it is too.

"I'll make it fit baby girl," he let out a girl. He stole a glance at her and smiled.

"Will you be gentle?"

He nodded wildly. "I'll go in slow - I'll loosen you up the best I can before going all the way in. I'll go in inch by inch until I'm finally in your pussy."

Rey blushed and she saw him grinning. "Would you want me to be quiet?"

"No I want you to scream."

"What if you don't fit?"

"Then I'll fuck you with my fingers and tongue."

Rey put her legs together. She was heating up down there, becoming wet.

"Baby girl can you put your mouth on my cock?"

Rey grinned. "No."

He frowned. "Why not-

He hushed up when he saw her lick her fingers. She stroked his tip with her wet fingers. He shuddered and moaned as she spread her saliva around his cock. She wrapped her fingers around his cock and began to go up and down his shaft. "I want you to come," she whispered, blushing harder. She was shy, especially seeing him trembling and looking at her with those darken eyes of his. "Keep your eyes on the road."

"Please suck me off."

She leaned over and does so. She started so, first licking his tip in small strokes. Gradually licked him long strokes, going down to his shaft. She swirled her tongue and then slowly put him down her throat. She was sucking on him then.

Every time his legs twitched, she sucked him harder.

Every time she heard him moaned, she went down deeper.

She was dripping wet, she can feel her heart racing and her body becoming flushed.

"I want to fuck you so bad. I want to make you feel good," his voice was hoarse.

She sucked on him harder, slipping her hand to stroke his balls.

He came in her mouth then. Rey froze but took her time to drink his come. It was warm and slightly bitter but hearing him moaning as she swallowed was the sweetest thing. After she finished, she pulls his boxers over his dick and zipped up his pants.

She fixed her hair and popped a mint into her mouth. She held his hand then.

He licked his lips at the sight and gave her a crooked smile.

"What?" she laughed.

"You're trying to be all casual and innocent but you can't. You got a dirty mouth on you know."

Rey gave him a smug smile. "When are you going to grow back your beard and mustache?" she asked then. It's been only week but she misses it. She misses the scruffiness of his facial hair.

"I'm working on it."

Rey laughed.

*******

He's calm now, sedated almost after she sucked him off. He's still affectionate but in a toned down level. He's holding her hand without smothering her or trying to cop a feel. It was nice, relaxing.

The fair was its prettiest at night. Colored lights that set the dark sky and figures caught in striking silhouettes. She grasped onto his hand and smiled at him.

He smiles back in a smirk. He nudges her to the booths and games. "What do you want?" he asks, lifting his head up to the prizes. "I'll get you whatever you want."

She wasn't the kind of girl into stuffed animals but she was pleased that he wanted to do something for her. "Any. I want you to pick."

He pointed at a medium sized teddy bear that was dressed in black and had a strange mask over its face. "That one's nice."

Rey raised her eyebrow. "What is it?" she laughed. Out of all the things - out of all the wide eyed cute stuffed animals, he picked that.

"I don't know but I like it."

*********

They go to the booth, it was a dart game, you had to hit the bulls eye just to win a small prize. Two bulls eyes for a medium sized prize and three for the large one. Kylo doesn't say anything as he pulled out a five dollar bill. Two tries for five dollars. Five tries for ten dollars.

She sat beside him and watched with wide eyes as he concentrated on the bulls eye. He picked up the dart and threw it -

Kylo cursed underneath his breath.

He missed by an inch. So close.

"Can I try?" she asked him, pretending to be innocent.

Kylo smiled. "Sure. Just be careful - it's sharp -

She hit the bulls eye without even looking.

Kylo's face fell. "Lucky shot."

Rey smirked and rolled her eyes. "No it's skill. You just suck."

"What would you like miss?" the worker asked, pointing to the selection of small prizes.

"I'll have the orange dolphin," she says proudly. She handed him the dolphin toy and smirked at him. "Here you go."

"Here," Kylo muttered, handing the worker a crumpled ten dollar bill. "I'm going to win you that bear."

"You're very confident. Five tries?" she teased.

"No, two tries for me and two tries for you. I paid for you to play. Let's see who can win that bear first."

Rey laughed. Her conscience wanted to tell Kylo that she was teasing but a part of her didn't. She liked seeing him get all riled up and competitive. "You're going to waste all your money, Ky-lo," she teased, batting her eyelashes at him.

He scoffed. "I was only pretending to be bad."

Rey kissed his cheek. "Whatever you say, prince of darkness."

She lets him go first. He hits the bulls eye twice this time. "Here you go," he said cockily, handing her the bear.

"You're so kind," she grinned, her cheeks becoming flushed. She liked seeing him all cocky and confident about himself. It suited him well.

"Your turn, baby girl."

She blushed in embarrassment. "You're a cheater," she mumbled. That was low of him to throw her off her mojo like that.

"What are you talking about?" he mockingly gasped.

She hits it the first time but the second time, she misses. She blames it on him. The whole time he kept biting his lip at her. "I want a rematch," she mumbled.

Kylo took her by the hand and lead her to the rest of the booths. "Have your pick baby girl and I'll get you whatever you want."

"The same goes for you prince of darkness."

They went to booth to booth, competing with each other on who could win the better prize. They were clearing out this one booth even. It wasn't until they couldn't walk with the prizes anymore that they decided to stop with the games. They put the prizes in his car and walked back to the fair, hand in hand.

"What's next?" she asked.

He stopped in place and patted her head. "Anywhere you want," he said, swallowing hard. 

Her eyes beamed. "Let's go to the Ferris wheel -

"Rey," he called out her name faintly.

Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn't heard him say her name the whole night until now and all the excitement in his eyes was gone. He looks nervous, so afraid. "Yes?"

"I think I'm falling," his voice broke out. 

"Falling?" 

"I think I'm falling. Falling for you."


	7. Diagnosis: Relapse ft. Filled Lungs

Ben watches them. He watches them through a passerby's perspective, respecting them and giving them their privacy. He only casually observes them whenever they come to contact with him. He watches them go through every stage of their relationship. He doesn't interfere, none whatsoever.

He watches them go through the puppy love stage, honeymoon stage, and then comfort.

Everything was well with them. They were content as could be, madly in love. They had little petty fights now and then but they were running strong.

It was bittersweet to see the two so happy but it left Ben with hallow lungs.

Half of him was happy for his brother but the other half was miserable.

Depressed.

The only thing that filled the void were cigarettes. He tried smoking five years ago but didn't develop an appetite for it until now. He liked the sensation of breathing in the smoke into his lungs and exhaling in clouded swirls and gray.

He smokes whenever he's stressed. He smokes whenever he thinks of his brother touching her. He smokes whenever his heart aches to speak to her.

Ben knows better. He knows not to come in contact with her. He doesn't want to interfere. He doesn't want to risk being the reason to them breaking up. If he was, Ben would never forgive himself.

For that reason, he's strict with himself. He's strict with his emotions and desires. He can control himself and all the other variables.

The only thing he couldn't control was his brother.

Rey and Kylo had been dating for six months, going strong but Ben knew things were about to change.

It was a week before the new semester and he had just skimmed through his class list where he saw her name in bold letters.

Ben took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He exhaled deeply and reached for his packet of cigarettes and lighter. He went outside and began to smoke his anxiety away.

This wasn't good. This is a death sentence.

He couldn't control this.

Rey doesn't even have an option of dropping his class for a different teacher. He was the only teacher that taught this requirement class for her mechanical engineering major.

He was going to be her teacher and she was going to be his student again.

He inhaled the smoke, inhaled the warmth against the cold summer night.

**********

As expected on the first day of class, Rey was horrified. Ben remained calm and focused on going over the class syllabus. He avoided her general direction, avoided any eye contact. He could sense that she was doing the thing as well. He could feel her stomach churning, feel her thoughts running at one hundred miles per second. Once he finished going over the syllabus, he let the class out an hour early. He counted to three before looking towards her direction. She was still in her seat while everyone had left.

He stood there, waiting for her to go up to him and give him a piece of her mind but she doesn't. Instead she sat there in her seat in silence.

"Will there be another teacher teaching this class next semester?" she asked swallowing hard. Her eyes locked onto his.

"This class is only offered fall semester," Ben said gently.

She exhaled. "Oh," she said quietly.

There was a long silence between them. Ben didn't know what to say. It felt so strange having her in his class again. It felt as if time stopped but it didn't. It felt like a second chance but it wasn't. It felt as if this was a sign but he didn't know what for though.

"Don't worry, things will remain professional," he let out a small smile to relax her nerves.

It worked and she smiled back.

Butterflies ran across his stomach at the sight. He liked seeing that, her little sharp face soften like that.

"Is it against the school policy for me to date my professor's brother?" she chuckled but it left her hallow.

Ben exhaled and shook his head. "I really don't know," he admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I better check the manual if it mentions something like that."

Rey laughed.

He wanted to laugh but he didn't. He wanted to tell her how she caught his eye on the first day of the class last year. He wanted to tell her that even today, she still did but Ben knew it wasn't his place to say.

***********  
As expected, in the middle of the night, Kylo calls him.

"You're a piece of shit," Kylo shouted over the phone.

"About what?" Ben asked, not bothering to be concerned. He was indifferent. It is what it is.

"Don't play fucking games! You're her teacher! You fucking planned this. You're a fucking sadist."

Ben rolled his eyes. "No I didn't. I'm the only teacher teaching that class. And it's a major class."

"Why didn't you say anything throughout the summer?"

"Because I didn't plan to teach that class. It was last minute. The school asked me to teach it a month ago and I didn't get the class list until last week." Ben then explained to Kylo the details of the situation how when Rey did sign up, the teacher was to be determined and that it only said staff. He explained that neither he or Rey knew that this was going to happen. Ben was supposed to continue teaching the lower division but the school need a teacher to teach the course.

"You still should have said something."

Ben bit his lip. Kylo had him there. "Yeah. I'm sorry - I should have but I didn't know how to approach it really. But honestly if I had a choice, I rather have her have a different teacher."

Kylo mumbled underneath his breath. "Fine. But nothing better not happen," Kylo's voice went hard. "If you do I'm going to kick your ass. Do I make myself clear?"


	8. Diagnosis: Indefinite ft In Between

"My brother, does he treat you well?" Kylo asks her one night.

Rey looked up from her textbook and turned in her swivel chair to look at him. They were in her room while Poe and Finn were in theirs. "Yeah he does. He doesn't give me any special treatment or anything. He treats me like any other student." It almost feels the same but it's more guarded, more aware. There was tension and awkwardness between her and Ben but other than that, it was fine.

Kylo nodded as he stretched his arms across the bed. "Good."

"Look Kylo, if there's anything wrong I'll tell you," she said reasonably. This was the third time this week that he brought it up and the new semester only started two weeks ago.

He swallowed the lump in his throat but nodded.

Her shoulders tensed up at the sight of his furrowed eyebrows. He was unsatisfied with her answer. Frustrated. He looked like she had told him a lie.

"There's nothing happening between me and him," she said then, putting it out in the open to the thought that was in his mind. She couldn't help but to frown. She doesn't like it, seeing him so insecure.

"I didn't say that there was it's just...I don't know I just have a bad feeling."

She shut her textbook and sighed. "He doesn't give me one on one treatment or anything. I only see him in class and the second it ends I go spend time with my friends. You can trust me - do you trust me?"

Kylo blinked. There was a slight pause. He was thinking, rolling to his side. One heart beat. Two heart beat. Three. "Yeah I do," he replied softly.

Rey exhaled in relief.

"Are you almost done?" he asks.

Rey shook her head. "No. I have this and a paper to write."

Kylo sank his face into her bed and sighed. "College is horrible," he mumbled.

Rey laughed. "It is." The light mood ended and shifted into an indefinite feeling. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with a girlfriend that's always busy."

Kylo flashed her a smirk. "It's alright. We'll have a good run during your breaks."

She suppressed herself from biting her lip. She only bit her lip whenever she was turned on. Their summer consisted of exploring, boxing, and fucking every chance they get.

He sat up, grinning from ear to ear. "Can I?" he asks, grabbing her from her chair and pulling her to the bed.

She blushed. "No!" she squealed. She squirmed, attempting to escape his grasp but his hold on her waist was tight and dead set.

"Why not?" he let out a little playful growl. Kylo laughed. Every time she fidgeted, he pulled her even closer to his crotch. "I like fucking you from behind while you do your homework," he grinned at her devilishly. "It's a very good way to save time and be productive."

She rolled her eyes. "It's counterproductive," she clarified. "It's hard to stay focused when you're being fucked senseless." She can feel him smirking from behind. "Besides I don't want anymore stains on my textbooks," she mumbled.

Kylo laughed. She sounded annoyed but he found it cute. He locked her to the position and cupped her cheek as he rubbed his erection in between her legs. "Please baby girl," he begged in a sweet tone. "Please baby girl," he purred in her ear as his teeth latched on to her earlobe. "I'm very hard," he said, running his teeth along her skin. "I need to be relieved." His hand slipped underneath her shirt and began to feel her up. Her breasts were warm and with just a few touches, her nipples began to harden. "Mmm you're so warm baby girl, I wonder how warm you're down there." He rubbed his finger against her hardened nipple and began to tug on it as he continued to rub himself against her.

She quickly pulled him by the collar of his shirt and kissed him hard.

She turned herself and laid flat on her back, pulling him on top of her. They kept their lips locked, not daring to break the kiss. She part her lips for him, allowing him to shove his tongue inside and dance with hers. His was breathing into her as he sucked on her tongue. She held on to his hair the moment she felt his cock throb. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his erection deeper into her layer of clothing, begging for permission.

He breaks the kiss to kiss the sensitive part of her throat. He leaves trails, butterflies before developing the kisses into hickeys. Rey didn't mind. She loved receiving his bite marks. She loved seeing the large teeth mark bruises on her the next day. She loved his huge teeth, she loved how big he was. He was much bigger than her that there was only a few positions they could do in order to have sex, one being doggy style. They had do it in different angles in order to get himself to fit inside her. No matter how hard they tried, he was unable to fit himself in with the "standard" positions.

She tugged on to his hair and laughed.

He let out a moan onto her skin. "Do you want me to bite you harder baby girl?"

"No I want you to fuck me."

*********

He took of his clothes first and then hers. Once he removed the last time, he laid her down on her bed. He stood there, gazing upon her with his hand stroking his swollen cock.

"How do you want me?" she whispered softly so no one could hear but him.

"Still," he said in the same tone. "I want you to be still and quiet."

Her heart was racing now but she nodded. She watched him slowly crawl on to her, there was a serious expression on his face and his eyes were darkening. She bit her lip, suppressing from him seeing her eagerness. She wants him. She wants him so much that it hurts when he's not around. They see each other at least once a week - twice if she's lucky.

He rests his head on her chest. Lazily he played with her breast, gently cupping it and rubbing her nipple.

"Do you want me to speak?"

"No. We're playing a game. If you make a sound, I win."

She gave him a look but nodded.

He tugged on her nipple then, making her nipple become hard and long for him to suck on. He dipped his head and does so. He sucks her lightly, swirling her nipple with her tongue. His hand gradually made its way down to her folds but not just quite. He's teasing her, going painfully slow until he felt her legs wrap around him. He smirked and went slower.

She grabbed a lock of his hair and yanked on it.

"Eager little being," he mused.

She flashed him a dirty look but it settled down quickly the moment she saw him dip his head.

He was sucking on her nipple violently, yanking and biting her with his teeth while his other hand was massaging the other breast. He rubbed his cheeks in between her breasts, in between from switching back and forth. She was pulling his hair, suppressing a moan.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" he asks as he slipped down to in between her legs. "I'm not going to," he grinned wickedly at her.

She kicked him in response.

He ignored it and kissed the inner parts of her thighs, dragging his tongue up and down along her skin. "Show me where you want me my tongue-

His phone rang.

Kylo proceeded to ignore it until Rey nudged him with her leg.

"Come on. It might be important. It might be about your dad," she said then. His dad had been going in and out of treatment.

"Fine," he sighed. He got up and grabbed his phone. His eyes stared at the caller id before reacting to anything. "Hello?" he said normally. He made his way towards her. With one hand, he grabbed her ankle and dragged her closer to the edge of the bed.

He went on his knees on the floor and shifted his head to the side. "How are you?" he asked to the caller. He was conversed into a conversation then, in a serious state.

Rey sat up but he pressed her down. He was strong, only need to press her down with just one hand. She raised her eyebrow but her confusion vanished the second she saw him smirk. He pressed a finger towards his lip, gesturing her to stay quiet.

She wrinkled her nose. "Pervert," she mouthed as he spread her legs with one hand. The other hand was holding his phone securely. "No," she mouthed furiously. She shook her head hastily but he ignored her.

"No I'm good," he responded to the caller as his fingers made his way towards her folds. He rubbed her wetness, gradually sinking his fingers into her. He continued the conversation with ease. He didn't waver, didn't stumble as he spoke in between strokes and sucking her bud. Her hands were entangled in his hair pulling him to stop but he doesn't listen. Her lips are pressed to silence but he can sense her mouth aching to moan.

"Stop," she mouthed.

He enjoys this more than he should.

She's so wet, she's spilling - he's drinking her. She kept kicking him, trying to make him stop but he didn't.

"You should have called me earlier," he said to the caller. Rey tried to move away but he pulled her right back in. Sometimes she forgets how strong he is whenever he's experiencing intense emotions. "Right now I'm already eating out," he flashed a dark smirk. He pressed his lips on her again and continues to eat her out. He swirls his tongue to taste her sweetness before sucking her again. He pulls back within seconds to respond but he fingers her during the process, plays with her slit. "Don't worry I'll let you know the next time I'm in town. It'll just be you and me like the good old days."

Rey went pale. Ben - he was talking to Ben. She covered her mouth and became dead silent.

Kylo sensed her discomfort and started to finger her faster. He licks her slow strokes to contrast the sensation. Rey bit into her lip. She doesn't want to make a sound. She doesn't want Ben to hear. It felt wrong. Disturbing. It was one thing to do something risky like this but the caller was his brother. It made her uneasy. She shook her head at him, begging for him to stop this game.

Kylo gave her a cheeky smile but all she could see was darkness in him - how possessive he was. She kicked him and tried to get him off of her but he didn't budge. Instead he sucked harder into the speaker for his brother to hear.

"What was that?" Ben asked. He was concerned.

"It's nothing," Kylo said to his brother. He sank four fingers into her and started to fuck her. "It's just what I'm eating is very good."

To her dismay, her body fails her. Squeals escape from her mouth followed along by moans. She bit on to her lip until the point she was bleeding. She tried moving away but he kept pulling her closer to him and kept eating her.

Ben's heart skipped a beat. All he could hear was the sound of whimpering. It sounded like an animal was being tortured. "Is everything okay? I hear distressed sounds. What's going on - is Rey with you?"

"Yes," Kylo responded calmly despite that Rey pushed him to the floor. "Yes Rey is here."

"Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She gets like that whenever I eat her out," he said flatly. There was possessiveness in his tone.

Blood pumped to her cheeks. She pushed him. She was furious. Humiliated. She couldn't believe he said that out in the open like that.

Kylo didn't even notice that she was hitting his arm. The only thing he could sense was all the light in his brother dying out. He could feel his brother's heart breaking to what he had heard.

"Are you pulling some prank on me?" he sounded upset.

Kylo laughed.

"Why are you telling me this?" Ben asked slowly. His voice was raspy and faint. "That's disgusting - I don't want to hear it -

"I want you to hear what you can never have. She's mine. And there's nothing you can do to take her away from me."

Ben immediately hung up.

The second he placed his phone down, Rey threw a pillow at him out of spite. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" she screamed. "I made it clear that I didn't want you to go on but you did!" She felt as if she was assaulted. "I never felt so humiliated in my life!"

Kylo sheepishly frowned. "Sorry - I didn't know what came over me -

"That doesn't justify anything!" she shouted. "I was terrified - you kept forcing me -

"I'm sorry," he kisses her then.

She nearly claws his chest. "Don't. Touch. Me," she threatened. She covered herself with her blanket. "Don't. Not right now. How could you hurt your brother like that? How could you do something like that to him?" She couldn't imagine what Ben was feeling. Ben was already in complicated position. She knew damn well once he found out, Ben was picturing it, picturing what was happening over the phone.

"I didn't mean to take it that far - it just happened."

"You fucking said it out loud for him! You spelled it out!"

Kylo scowled at her. "It shouldn't be a big deal. He doesn't like you and you don't like him, right?" he shouted.

"It matters that you disrespected me. I didn't want to do it but you kept forcing me and you talked about me as if I'm an object. Just get your things and leave. I don't want to see you right now."

***********  
She planned on avoiding Ben. She planned on leaving the second class ended but when the morning came, she had received a text message from Ben. It was a simple message, requesting that he talked to her after class for a few minutes in his office.

She exhaled and knew that it was better to face this.

"You wanted to talked to me?" she asked.

Ben nodded. He was barely looking at her. It made her feel worse, it made her feel dirty. Cheap. "Are you...are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," she rasped. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You sounded very distressed."

She swallowed hard. "I didn't want him to do that to me when he was talking to you," she admitted. She doesn't know why she's telling him but she does. Maybe it's because they have the same face. Or maybe that she wants him to know that she isn't that type of person. She was very private when it came to sex and really any sort of intimacy. "I tried to get him to stop but he didn't listen - he kept grabbing me."

Ben went pale. All he could picture since last night was her being assaulted - of her being hurt. His eyes lowered. "Did anything happen after the call?"

"I just told him to leave."

"Are you alright?"

She exhaled. "Yeah - I just need some time before talking to him."

His eyes widened. She planned...she planned on staying with Kylo still. Kylo was a great person but sometimes, his temper and possessiveness gets the best of him. Ben didn't like the idea of Rey being with Kylo. All he could hear since that night was her distressed whimpering and confusion. It was a horrible sound for him to hear - to hear her being afraid and aroused. It was horrible. Disturbing. "He shouldn't treat you like that."

"I told him that. I made it clear."

He opened his mouth but paused. He doesn't want to interfere. "Just...be careful."

She nodded.

There was something about seeing her nod nonchalantly that made him snap a bit. "I'm going to give him a piece of my mind," he mumbled, frowning. "He can't treat you like that."

"He's just...afraid. Afraid that you'll take me away from him. I'm not justifying him or justifying anything it's just the reason why he's been acting like that sometimes. I already told him many times that there's nothing going on between us but he still doesn't believe me."

"Nothing's going to happen between us," he said then. He says it like it's a command but he wasn't sure if he was saying it for her or for him.

"Do you...do you have feelings for me?"

Ben blinked. He stared at her. She was trembling. She looked so lost. So torn. She looked the same way as the first day he had saw her. He misses those eyes of hers. There were so many times he wanted to say yes but instead he said no. He always said no. He said no to protect her and his brother. But this moment, this very moment, it was different. He had stepped aside because he wanted her to be happy but right now she wasn't.

"Do you...have feelings for me?" she repeated the question.

The word was on the tip of his tongue. Yes. The word was aching to come out. "No," he said faintly. "No I don't."


	9. Terminal

Rey had felt as if she had been away for a long time.

She had broken up with Kylo a month ago but it felt like years.

You've only been with him for a couple months, Finn and Poe would say. Don't get your hopes up, Peanut. You have so much to look forward to.

And Rey would respond: Actually six months. And thank you.

It was hard. Everyone expected her to move on after a week or so but she wasn't them. She doesn't date any person that came to her view. She doesn't just open up to anyone. Kylo played a crucial role in her life and now he was gone.

Rey would try to forget - keep herself busy but the second she looked up in that classroom and locked eyes with Professor Solo, she was reminded of him and the things that he had done to her.

"Peanut," Finn began as he handed her a cup of hot coffee. He settled into his chair that was oriented across from her. They were still in their pajamas in the afternoon, as tradition for their lazy Sundays. "Why did... you... break up with... him?" he asked slowly, cautious not to say anything wrong. A month had passed since she had broken up with Kylo (it felt like half a year in semester times) and it was due time to address the elephant in the room. "I know what he did was messed up but he didn't mean to hurt you."

She blew the steam and took a long sip of her coffee before answering. "Because," she began - her voice was rasp, as if she had been crying prior to their lazy afternoon. "A few days after that happened, I walked in on him with another girl."

His face crumpled.

"He did other things," she said quietly. It was the first time that she had addressed this - told anyone but somehow it felt like she had been talking about it forever. She swallowed hard and stared down at her coffee. She sees a reflection - it's hers but it wasn't her at the same time. It was a shell of herself. A broken version. She took another sip and went silent for a few seconds before answering. "He told me he didn't mean to hurt me - that he was thinking clearly - his excuse was that he thought I was cheating on him."

Finn mumbles something underneath his breath. Disdain. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Peanut." He reaches and squeezes her hand. "He's not worth being sad over."

She flinches from the touch. From human interaction. Affection. Her eyes were locked onto the table while her free hand was sinking her nails into her flesh. "Did I...do anything wrong?" she asks lowly.

"What do you mean?"

"Did I do something to give him the impression that I was unfaithful?"

And that was it - the thought that had been in her mind for the past month.

"No," Finn says without a second thought. "You didn't do anything. The only thing to blame is his insecurity."

Rey sank her nails into her skin harder.

"To be honest, I didn't really like him. He didn't seem all there."

Silence.

"Remember that stunt he pulled? How he pretended to be Professor Solo? That was really disturbing."

She swallowed hard and forced herself to look at Finn. "I know," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. She knew it was and yet she continued their relationship. It was so foolish of her. It was a red flag from the beginning.

Finn squeezed her hand again. "You deserve so much better, Peanut. You don't need someone to take care of, you need someone that can be there of you. Don't ever forget that."

************  
"Let's go out, Peanut!" Finn hollered a couple hours later that day.

She looked up from her textbook and raised her eyebrow. "It's too late -

"It's only five!" Finn laughed.

"And it's also a Sunday. I have class tomorrow - you have class tomorrow," she reminded him.

Finn rolled his eyes and brushed off her hermit ways. "The night's young. Come on. You need to live, girl!" He pulls her up from her seat. "Come on, put on some nice clothes. Get out of those ratty pajamas. You need to have fun! I've been holding my tongue for far too long. Now I call the shots. We're going out to a club."

"Who goes to a club on a Sunday?"

"Us!" he laughs with pride.

"No! That doesn't sound like a good idea at all. I don't want to be surrounded by skirt chasing guys."

Finn exhaled and rolled his eyes. He took another deep breath and remained calm. "How about shopping and ice cream?"

Her eyes lit up then.

Finn couldn't help but to laugh.

**************

To her surprise, the very next morning Rey was wide awake and fully functional. She assumed she would be exhausted from last night but she wasn't. It was such a great night - Finn helped her picked out a cute new outfit and treated her to some ice cream and Poe bought Chinese takeout and they binged watched some old time-y sitcom. Poe even taught her how to knit so she can make BB-8 a sweater for future reference.

The night kept her busy but it was a new day today.

It was cold. Gloomy. It was raining and her anxiety was still there.

And it hadn't left. Soon, she would have Professor Solo's class.

Seeing his face caused a number on her. Ben was the reason why things ended with Kylo. She knew damn well Ben wasn't responsible for the breakup, it was Kylo's insecurity and recklessness but seeing the face of his twin brother didn't help at all. Ben's face reminded her of her break up but worse of the feelings she had for her teacher.

It took so much strength for her to go to class and stay on top of the lectures and quizzes.

It was so hard to resist temptation of skipping altogether.

It was so hard being the bigger person and acting as if nothing happened.

Every time she goes to class, she feels anxiety. Nervousness. Sadness.

She didn't feel like she broken up with just Kylo - she felt as if she had broken up with both of them.

Rey wrapped her scarf tighter as she headed out to the class. Her shoes were soaked to the brim, squishing and all and her umbrella was barely protecting her. It had a broken latch and it was worn and flimsy. The wind didn't help at all either.

She wondered how could a sunny day turn so dark and gloomy the next day? And with no warning too. All she wanted was to be at home and curled up underneath her warm comforters.

**********  
Her cheeks were stained red. The tip of her nose was a much darker shade. Almost rose. She was cold, Ben knew by little observation. But he kept his mind focused on the lecture.

Her eyes move away from him and on to her notebook.

Ben goes on with the lecture. Slide after slide. Question after question.

His mind works on a different level. He was a scholar. He was disciplined. Losing focus wasn't nature to him. He could glance at her without wavering. He could look at her without stumbling. He could say every word clearly and sharply through all of this. This girl was meant to be admired from a distance. Ben had knew this from the beginning, since she had first stepped into his classroom. For admiring her close was dangerous.

Just admiring her from this space was animalistic.

Every time she bit her nails as she wrote, he went more in detail with the chapter. Every time she looked up at him, he locked his eyes on her. Every time she shuffles in her seat, he kept a steady pace.

Things were not back to normal. Things were not like clockwork for him. He's been staring at her more he knew. He couldn't help it though. He misses her smile. He misses it even when she was smiling for someone else. He keeps looking at her, hoping that her lips would curl up just a bit. Ben had not yet quite disciplined himself with this girl.

There had been girls in the past that caught his interest - but none could compare. Rey - this girl was a distraction. Before her, he knew what his life was. There were only a few uncertainties but now she was here. She was an uncertainty.

"Your homework is due next class," he says, casually dismissing the class.

Ben waits for the class to disperse and then her.

He packs up his up his things then once the distance was once again, created. It was better this way. She's going through a lot and he doesn't want to complicate things for her. He doesn't want to hurt her but he knows that he is. It was inescapable. Sometimes doing the right thing didn't feel right.

Ben shakes the thought away. He shouldn't be wrapped around this girl. His brother already was and so there was no need for Ben to. Ben had many things to worry about. Their dad was still in the hospital and stubborn to follow the treatment and take his medication.

When Ben wasn't at work or grading papers, he was at the hospital tending to his father. And when he wasn't taking care of his father, Ben was at home, watching his dad's dog, Chewie. Chewie was in worse shape than Han. Every day and every night Chewie looks for Han. Searches. Cries. Han had Chewie since he was a pup and Chewie had never been separated from Han this long before. Every time Ben came home, Chewie would smell Han's scent on Ben's clothes but once Chewie realized it's just a scent, he would go to the corner and sulk.

Ben can't remember the last time he had a full night's rest.

No matter what happened, Ben never let his emotions affect him or his responsibilities. For Kylo that was another story. Ben had been trying to get Kylo to visit dad but ever since the breakup, Kylo refuses to do anything.

That's what differentiated him and Kylo. Kylo was expressive and let his emotions run while Ben was level headed and suppressed them. Ben knew darn well that he came out cold and indifferent but he rather be that than to do let the tension intensify.

Ben knew what was important in life. Even as time went on, he never loses his way. But it's so hard going the right thing. There was many times that he considers to slip.

But he doesn't. He never does.

He never lets himself slip up for self interest.

He gathers the rest of his things and puts on his jacket and heads out to his meeting.

***************

To his surprise, it was still raining.

He had finished his meeting some time ago and just finished his last office hour session. It was dark now and yet it was still raining. It was chillier, windier, and the water was at his shoe laces.

This weather wasn't fit to be outside. Ben took no time with walking to his car. His car was on the opposite side of campus -

He sees her then.

Rey.

She's standing by the bus stop with no umbrella.

She was standing by herself. There was no one else around her.

He froze for a bit.

Ben didn't expect to run into her. They spent a good time avoiding each other but now he was walking in her direction. And she sees him too.

They became silent.

They see each other in his class routinely but there was something different about being outside, away from a lecture room. He feels exposed, out of his comfort zone.

They had been running away from each other from so long and now they're a couple feet apart. The distance was getting smaller with each step he took. With every step, he felt like a stranger.

It felt like a scene from a movie.

Rey was soaked from head to toe. The sound of rain was the only sound of emotion.

Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was clinging on to her skin and clothes.

He checks his phone, checks for the time - it's eight at night. And she's standing by herself with no umbrella. Huh. That was odd. He had remembered her carrying an umbrella to class.

"What happened to your umbrella?" he asks in a low voice.

No one was here but Ben was cautious. He feels uncomfortable. He hadn't spoke to her in a month and that's the first thing he had said.

"It broke," she responded then, pursing her lips together. Her lips were chapped but the rain was wetting them.

Ben frowned and inhaled the cold air. "Here," he hands her his umbrella then.

Rey shook her head immediately. "No thank you -

"You're standing out in the rain. Take it before you catch a cold," he responded reasonably. His eyebrows were furrowing then while his eyes were focused on that frown of hers.

Rey bit her lip but took it then. She exhaled as she tried to shield the both of them. "Thank you...Professor."

They're alone. They're not used to being alone together.

"You're welcome," he said, keeping himself formal. "When is your bus coming?"

"In an hour," she bites her tongue then. Her lips twist again and Ben knew that she was regretting that she told him the truth. He could tell that she wanted to say 'soon' but she couldn't bring herself to lie. It just slipped. It had to, it was on the tip of her tongue.

She's so thin with him. Transparent.

He looks around then, peering for anyone coming in their direction. He turns to look at her and back to his surroundings and then at her once more. "If you want I can give you a ride home," he offers quietly. He doesn't know why he said it but he did. He should have offered to wait for her until her bus came but it didn't come to mind until now.

He notices a gleam in her eyes, hope. There's hope in them. She had been hoping for him to ask her, whether she subconsciously knew or not.

There's no way he could bring himself to offer the second option of waiting with her now. She looks pleased.

He hadn't seen her like this in a while.

There's no way he could turn back now.

************

With nights like these, he turns on the radio to background music - the kind you hear in a cafe on a day like this.

He takes no time with turning on the heat for her.

"I'm going to ruin your car," she says, her feet still planted from going in. She looks adamant. She's hesitating.

He shook his head. "It's okay. I don't mind. It's just a car. It's just a thing."

She shuffles her feet a bit before going in.

He hands her his jacket. She's reluctant for a moment but she takes it quickly. "Thank you," she says again.

"You're welcome."

"Do you always give rides to students?"

"No," he says calmly. "It's inappropriate but this is an exception. It's late and it's raining."

Rey nodded.

Besides, I know you more than the other students, he wanted to say. Ben doesn't though. He knows when to hold his tongue.

***********

The whole car ride was quiet.

Dead silent.

Rey had never felt so out of place and awkward but she liked his presence.

She's sure that he knows everything about her breakup but she knows that he won't bring it up unless she does. This fact settled her nerves at least.

From time to time, she keeps looking at him - just for a bit. It was the perfect time, his eyes were glued to the road. His hair was curling from the rain and his glasses were all smudged up - Rey quite liked the look. It made him look a bit scruffy.

It was strange.

It was both nice and painful to look at him.

When she looked at him, her fingertips tingled - aching to touch his fingers and at the same time, her chest constricted.

Rey couldn't explain the feeling.

It was the same feeling that was there since she had first stepped into his classroom. It startles her because after all this time, it never left.

**************  
"Thank you," she repeats again. She's been saying it on repeat. It's the only thing she could say.

"You're welcome," he gives her a small smile.

Rey gave him a slight hint of a smile. She gathers her things and shuts his door.

His eyes lowered a bit from the sight. His heart was beating slightly. Ben was about to head home until he realized that she had left his umbrella in the car. He turned off his car then and snatches the umbrella.

"Rey!" he calls out before she could step into her apartment.

"Yes?" she called out.

He ran to her until he was standing in front of her, face to face. "Here," he says, holding his umbrella out for her.

She shook her head. "No - it's fine I can get another umbrella -

"Just take it," he rasped. "I have an extra one at home."

She stared at the umbrella but doesn't take it. Her eyes went up to him then in perplexity. He was standing at her doorstep. Standing in front of her. Face to face. "Do you have feelings for me?" she asks then.

He blinked then.

Rey had asked him this twice before and received the same answer but she wasn't satisfied. Deep down she knew that he was lying. It only took her long enough to realize it.

He doesn't respond.

She crossed her arms then. "Do you have feelings for me?" she asks again. "If you do you can come inside."

Ben's eyes flickered without his control. "Rey," he frowned. Blood was rushing to his face.

"I'm sorry I know we've been through this before -

"Here, just take this," he said purposely interrupting her. He holds out the umbrella closer to her. She froze for a bit but something in her told her to reach for it. She reaches for the umbrella but his grip is strong. Her eyes furrowed in frustration.

She clutched on to it and pulled but he wouldn't let go.

It was as if he didn't want her to take it.

He pulls her then, pulls her by the wrist and kisses her.


	10. Diagnosis: Bed Rest

He locks the door behind them - doesn't dare to break to the kiss. His hand scrambles a bit but he manages to lock the door within seconds. Both hands immediately wrap around her - grasping her.

Rey gasps, stunned by how impulsive he could be. He lifts her off the ground and swings her around his waist with his head buried into her throat. It startles her how fast everything is going but and the same time she likes it. For once for what felt like a long time, she feels alive. Adrenaline and ecstasy are flowing in her body, spreading every inch of her. She's forgotten how much she's wanted this - to be with Ben. Being with Kylo had made her forget about her desires for Ben and it frightens her how dormant feelings can resurface just like that.

She's not complaining.

Her fingers are wrapped about in his damp hair and her lips were on his face while his was on her throat. His hands are gripping her so close to his body, so close that their cries are being only hints of it was pressed on her skin - the warmth of his breath as he moaned. His breath warms her, heats her shivering body with scorching tingles of pleasure.  
"Can I?" he mumbles into her neck.

"Can - I - I what?" she asks, attempting to speak clearly as he sucked on her skin. Their bodies were soaked from the rain earlier - clothes and all and so with every touch, it was intensified. Heat dancing along cold skin. Hot breaths and slippery warm tongues along layers of heavy damp clothes.

"Can I - can I " -

His voice gets lost into her collarbone as his tongue runs along every curve. He's been constraining himself for so long that he's lost control of himself. He's caught in frenzy. Wild hands everywhere, moans of excitement of pleasure, his voice breaking and rasping - she barely recognizes him.

She closes her eyes then, and holds on tight to every action of his and every reaction hers. Even if this is for one night, she wants to remember this. She wants to remember how he's making her feel and how she's feeling. Because in this moment, she feels whole. Because in this moment, he's let go of the wall he had made in between them. And he's here and she's in his arms. She's so happy right now her heart was hurting. She's felt so broken for a long time that feelings of desire and lust makes her want to cry out of sadness and happiness. "Let's go to my room," she murmurs as she kisses his head, her fingers yanking on locks of his hair - briefly pulling him out of his state.

 

************

Ben nods and takes her without any question. He stumbles about, trying desperately not to break them apart while trying to find her room.  
Their clothes began to feel heavy, dragging their bodies down to the floor and also away from another. He lays her down on her bed, on her back and then he covers her with himself. Goes right on top and continues to kiss her to make up for the lost time of a few seconds that their lips were apart. He kisses her cheeks frantically as the weight of his clothes began to consume him.

His rational side would have made her change into dry clothes to prevent the bed from getting wet but at this moment he didn't care. He just wanted to touch her and kiss her for all the lost time he had. If he had let himself be selfish for once, she would never be with his brother and gotten hurt. If he had let himself be honest with her then he could have had her from the start.

"I don't ever want to stop kissing you," he breathes onto her mouth. "Not ever."  
He feels her body freeze for a second. He continues to kiss her and reaches for her hand but she's the one that's holding them tight. Her hand is smaller than his and she's grasping him for life.

"I never wanted to hurt you - I just wanted to protect you - do you know that?" he rasped, sucking on her skin. Excitement consumes him that he's leaving bruises on her flesh. "I never wanted to hurt you or my brother - I just wanted you two to be happy." He pulls away and looks at her, eyes locked on to hers. He realizes then that he didn't just hurt her, he also hurt his brother.

And just like that he's back on the ground.  
His mind is in control again.

He watches her eyes flicker at him. Watches her hover and lean closer to him. The heat of his body intensifies that it pains him. He wants to continue to be intimate with her but he can't. No matter how much he wanted to, he can't. "I'm sorry," his voice went low. He messed up again. He hurt her and his brother again.

She squeezes his hand then, squeezes him tight. He realized then that she never let go and this comforts him. She kisses his cheek then and then left kisses along his jaw. She kisses him softly and he found comfort in her again. She keeps her hands interlocked with his, keeps him close to her heart. He shuts his eyes and lets himself melt with her gentle touches. That's what drew him to her, that beyond her guarded exterior she was gentle with a kind heart. "You're not responsible with my relationship ending," she says, pulling away to meet his gaze. "No matter what you're not responsible for other people's actions. Brother or not, he's responsible for his own actions."

His body relaxed for a moment. And only a moment. He grips her hand tight and pulls it to the side of his face. "How do you feel about me?" His heart skipped a beat but he held his breath.

"You already know how I feel about you," her voice is hard. "But I don't know how you feel about me." She pulls her hand away and disconnects herself from him. She's guarding herself right now and he understands.

Ben swallowed hard. He can feel her disappointment in him. "Rey -

"I know you were abused as a teenager by your professor. And know you want the best for your brother. I know you're looking after me and know you don't want to be the bad guy. But right now those things don't matter. I want to know how you feel about me. Beyond everything that's happened to you and us and everything, I want to know how you feel about me."

He opens his mouth but then he pauses to think. Because his actions have been one contradiction after another. He knows he has feelings but he doesn't know what he wants with her. He has feelings for her but then he wants to protect her. He wants her to be happy and yet lies to her and himself. He wanted things to go well with her and Kylo but just minutes ago he was kissing her. "I like you but I'm afraid I can't make you happy." His heart twists because for once it's all clear. He pushes himself from her because of his own insecurities.

Rey bit her lip and her eyes soften. "Why do you think that?"

"I'll bore you. I'll make you unsatisfied. I'll hurt you."

She blinks but doesn't respond. Instead she rests her cheek on his shoulder. "Do you want to be with me?"

He nods and grasps for her hand. "I do but it'll hurt K-

"Yes it will but he will accept it in time. He loves you -

"He also loves you -

"He does but it's a selfish kind of love. Unhealthy. Dysfunctional. If he truly loved me, he wouldn't have cheated on me. He would have trusted me and you." She clutches his hand tighter. "You have to be selfish for once. You can't keep letting people step all over you. You have to want things and go after them. If not you'll lose me for good."  
"I want to be with you," he says without any hesitation or thought.

He can feel her lips curve into a smile on his shoulder just now. "See was saying that hard?" she chuckles. She lightly hits him and chuckles harder.  
And just like that the intensity was gone.

"Yes," he laughs. "More than you know." He cradles her and cups her chin to kiss her. He kisses her again and again. And again.  
Until before he knew it, they were back into the frenzied state from earlier on. He can feel her fingers pulling at his clothes and so he stops. "I better get going," he says, restraining himself. He wants to keep going. He wants to sleep with her but he cares about her too much. He doesn't want to rush things. Ben goes back to his controlled state and kisses her gently on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Her face is crumpled in confusion. "You can stay tonight," she leaned to kiss his throat.

"I-I"- he hesitated and swallowed hard. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I care about you too much."

********************

tbc


	11. Diagnosis: Hangover

He...kissed her.

He admitted his feelings for her - his longing for her.

The events prior to last night were barely registering to Ben's system. He felt as if he was experiencing a hangover because he doesn't feel sober at all. Last night he lost control - consumed by chemicals that were running in his body. Everything's going to be different now.

Like right now - oh right now. He's in the middle of giving a lecture but he's having difficulty annunciating several words. There's awkward pauses scattered across his speech and stumbling. She's there in the class, sitting idly in her seat as she took notes down. He wonders if she notices a change in him. She looks calm. At peace.  
He knows he has to stop staring at her - but he can't.

Not after last night. So much had happened last night and now they were in class. They didn't have time to enjoy each other. Ben couldn't help but to wonder what was on her mind - stop.

Stop looking at her, he told himself. He couldn't though. With every end of every sentence, his eyes gravitated towards her and the bruises kissed all about her neck and throat. Her bruises were concealed, covered in layers of concealer and powder but she was sitting underneath the light and he was able to see faint traces of them. It wasn't a big deal though. He was the only person that sees them and the only person that cared amongst the classroom of strangers. He knows he should stop worrying on the little thing but he couldn't.

He didn't have time to process what happened. He didn't have time to be with her - to establish their relationship. The events last happened but right now he feels that the events are being paused against the routine of work and family.  
He goes on though. Goes on until class ended.

______________ 

Rey waits for the last student to leave before going back into the classroom.

She stood there by the door while he was standing by his desk.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Oh, this feels like old times. Old, old times, back when she used to find any excuse to talk to him. A smile crept on her face from the warmth of the realization. "Hi," she breathes through a grin. Oh, this feeling that was spreading over. Giddiness. Bashfulness. Joy.

She watches as his face becomes red. He stood still and blinked. "H-I," he stammers. He smiled then, putting his hands in his pockets.  
Rey couldn't help but to laugh. She doesn't know why he's being so shy with her. She's known him just as long as Finn and Poe.

"What's so funny?"

"You," she smirks. She goes to him because she knows that he won't. He's embarrassed for some reason she doesn't understand. "You kissed me and now you're afraid to talk to me." She wraps her fingers around his hand and leads him to sit on his chair. She sits on top of his desk and faces him. "Why is that?" she asks, her fingers still wrapped around his.

He gripped on to her fingers then and gently swung their hands. "I'm not afraid to talk to you," he said looking up at her.

She chuckled. "Mhm."

Ben bit his lip but seconds later he laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"This is the first time you're taller than me. I have to look up at you instead of down."

She laughed too. "Seriously why are you being so awkward?"

"I'm always awkward."

"Yes but you're being extra awkward today."

"I just wished we had more time together before today." Ben wanted spend the whole day being with her but after work he has to visit his mom and dad. His dad was still at the hospital but is going to be released in two weeks.

"We could have had more time together if you had stayed the night," she said coyly.

Ben frowned and laughed. "You know we couldn't."

Her heart skipped a beat again. We. He said we. He sees them as a unit, as equal partners. She couldn't help but grin even wider. Butterflies were running across her stomach and pulling at her heart. God, she was so happy. She had never been this happy before. Out of all the nights she used to spend fantasizing about him, this was finally real. Of course they didn't come to be the way she wanted, but they were finally here. She felt that they were meant to be from the beginning, from the second she stepped into the classroom and saw him.

"You know that it's too soon right?" he asks in a serious tone. His body was tensing and instinctively, Rey moved her hands and wrapped them around his neck. "Don't get me wrong - I want to - I really do - it's just - it's not the right time. It's-it's too soo-n."

She laughed and kissed his nose. "You're cute when you're flustered," she said in a low voice.

He became redder. "Rey - not here - not -

"I know. Don't worry," she said as a matter of fact. "A little quick kiss on the nose won't hurt anybody."

"Did you even bother to lock the door?"

Shit. She didn't. She leaped out and does so.

Ben shook his head and smiled.

"Don't you dare laugh," she said, pointing at him. "Don't you dare," she said. She painted a stern face but they both could see that she was only fooling around.

He pressed his lips together and held his hands up in the air.

"Good."

"I want to spend some time with you, you know that right?" he stands up and walks towards her. She was still by the door, her hand wrapped around the knob.

"It's okay." She understands. "I know that you're busy with your family -

"I just don't want you to think that I'm avoiding you that's all." He lifted up her chin and inspects her throat. "Does it hurt?"

She was close to shaking her head but she stops herself. She doesn't want him to let go of her. "Yea," she says. It's a small fib, it shouldn't count as a lie. Before he left her apartment, they promised each other that they would be honest. She likes that - that their relationship was equal and that both were held accountable for their actions. "Well it did but not anymore," she corrected then. She doesn't want to lie at all. She wants to be honest with him. She wants his trust. "I just...I just want you to kiss me right now," her voice went soft. Most girls she had encountered in her life wait around to be kissed, but she wasn't that type of girl. If she wants to be kissed, she says it. If she has feelings for someone, she says it. She doesn't wait around for important things like that.

She watches as his eyes lower and become half lidded. His eyes look glossy. Heavy. She held her breath. She loves it when he looks at her like that. It's rare. It only happens a few times, with the first time she asked to stay and talk to him during her break. He looks all soft. Like a lost puppy. He lowers himself even more as his thumb pressed on to her neck. She gasped but it's ended brushed underneath a rug with his mouth over hers. His hand still cupped her chin, he brings her closer through that - while his other hand danced down her skin to her hand. He holds on - interlocks them and squeezes as he deepened the kiss - and then - he lets go.  
"Ben?" she breathes.  
"If there comes a time that you want to end this, you can," he whispers. "Nothing bad will happen if you do."

"I know. I know you won't abuse your power." She frowned as his expression shifted into distance. Her heart stopped beating all together. She didn't realize how much his teacher had affected him until now. His teacher didn't just abuse him, she emotionally and mentally scarred him. That was why he pushed Rey away. He was afraid of doing the same thing on to another human. Similar as it may be, this was different. She's nineteen, not fourteen. She's had more years of living than when it happened to him. She's surrounded by friends who love her while he was isolated.

"I promise I won't hurt you like that," she whispers. She lifted their interlocked hand and kissed every woven finger and knuckle. She wants him to kiss her again but they're running low on time. She realizes this when he reached over to unlock the door. "When can I see you?" she asks. "Not during class - and longer than half an hour."  
"Saturday. This Saturday."

"Where?"

He paused and thought for a moment. "I...I don't know. I haven't planned ahead for once -

"It's okay," she gave him a small smile. "Don't stress yourself over it. We'll figure something then. But where do we meet?"

"At my place."

"I can't wait," she grips his hand one last time before letting go.  
After she gathered her things, he opened the door for her.  
"Thank you for the help on the homework question, Professor Solo."  
"You're welcome, Miss Rey. My door is always open."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you guys say anything, Kylo will return in the fic. Right now I'm just establishing Ben and Rey. And also who do you guys ship?


	12. Diagnosis: Muscle Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap is a little bit longer but anyways enjoy!

**Last Year**

_Was that female student.........checking him out? No, she couldn't be. She's just staring at him because he's doing a lecture. Wait, he's also staring - quickly he clicked the button and switched slides and continued his lecture._

_"Professor Solo," a different student called out._

_"Yes?" he responded back._

_"Can you go back to the previous slide? I didn't finish copying it down."_

_Shit - did he cut himself off mid power point slide and went to the next? Ben nodded. He stood there, watching the majority of students hastily record down information - except for her._ _It appears she was already done._ _Her eyes were on him in fascination and they had been since the first day of class. This wasn't the first time Ben had caught a student checking him out but this was the first time a student was lingering. Weeks for that matter. That's when he started to notice her amongst the room of a hundred plus students. Most students would stare for a minute and then change their mind, the latest being two class sessions. Still, it was only the beginning of the semester, she'll tire of him soon. He tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and adjusted his tie, attempting to keep himself busy._

_From the corner of his eye, he sees her biting her lip with desire._

_Blood pumped to his cheeks. He changed the slide then and continued on._

_Why was he being so flustered from her? He doesn't even know her name. Why out of a class of a hundred plus students was he so fixated with her?  Maybe it was because her actions don't fit her appearance. She had this wholesome appearance to her. She was covered up in a beige sweater, quiet with those big brown eyes of hers. She looks so innocent, endearing. Well, almost for those big eyes of hers were staring at him heavily in a half lidded manner and her face was completely flushed._

_Did - did he cause her to blush?_

_He catches her eyes trail down to stare at his crotch._

_She's such a pretty girl, but why is she drawn to him - a giant? That's what puzzled him -_

_No, he shouldn't be thinking that she's attractive._

_He watches as she bites her bottom lip again but this time, with her legs pressed together. He knows that look, he knows what she's thinking._

_Ben froze for a bit but remained professional. "Does anyone have any questions?"_

_Hands were raised in the air and this keeps him preoccupied from her. He goes one by one, answering every question and then her hand is present. "Yes?" he asked._

_"Professor, can you go over a homework question? Question number nine," she says as she twirled around her mechanical pencil._

_Ben nodded. The second he was done showing the class step by step, he ends the class five minutes early. He ignores the sound of scrambled feet and turns off the projector. He reaches over and pulls out of his bag his lunch. He had another class to teach in the same classroom in forty minutes so he wastes no time to relax._

_"Professor Solo?"  a voice calls out for him._

_He turns around. "Ye-_

_It's her. She's standing in front of him. There's no one else but her._

_He blinked but cleared his throat. "Yes? How can I help you?"_

_"I was wondering, if it's okay I can eat in your class. My friends are still in class and I don't want to be alone."_

_He sighed underneath his breath and then smiled. "That's not a problem at all." He remembers those days when he was attending college. He had trouble making friends the first year and ended up spending his breaks at the library. No one wanted to be friends with a fourteen year old freak. While all the eighteen year olds were out going to parties and clubbing, he was jumping about to his parent's houses and helping his brother with his homework. During that time, that was when his parents were fighting over custody and finalizing their divorce. He gets up to put the door stopper down to leave the door open._

_He sat right back down at his desk and goes on his phone. All of his notifications were all work related, with the exception of a text from his mother. He reaches for his sandwich -_

_He paused._

_She was sitting next to him. When did she get here?  He wasn't sure if he was so distracted with his phone that he didn't notice or if she was just really fast._

_Ben didn't say anything though. Instead he took his sandwich and started eating. There's no real harm. She's just here eating and he had the door opened._

_"What are you eating?" she then asks._

_"Nothing special....just leftovers turned into a sandwich. Leftover roast, I think."_

_She laughs softly. His cheeks turned red - did he just make her laugh? "Same instead mine is in the form of fried rice."_

_"You're a first year, right?" he gathered over the course of the three weeks._

_She nodded._

_"How do you like college?"_

_The girl bit her lip and thought for a moment. "It's alright. It's just a little overwhelming."_

_"How so?"_

_"I'm not used to seeing so many people. But I like it though. I like how everyone's doing their own thing. High school was horrible, it was like a bubble. Like a small town where everyone knows everybody's business. I like college better, it's more laid back."_

_He chuckled._

_"Do you wish you could've went to high school?" she then asks, taking a bite of her rice._

_He raised his eyebrow. How did she know?_

_"I did some research on all my professors," she responded nonchalantly. "You know the rate my professor site thing and the university site bios, not in depth stalking or anything - and oh an occasional google search."_

_Ben couldn't help but to laugh. Quickly he covered his mouth, he hated when he laughed this hard. He snorted a bit, he hated that._

_A small smile crept on her face. He hushed up immediately._

_He settles himself before answering. "Yeah I wish I did, but I don't regret it. I was offered a full scholarship. It was a great opportunity."_

_"I see." She looked at him in fascination. He shifted back. No one ever looked at him like that - so intently and wide eyed._

_Ben took a bite of his food but he ate slowly, self conscious that she was there watching._

_"What is your name?" he asks then._

_"Rey. I'm Rey," she says, biting her lip._

* * *

  _Maybe she's only being nice and interested because she wants a good grade, he thinks on a car ride home._

_Ever since the first time she had lunch in his classroom, it became a habit, routine almost._

_But, she seems really nice - no, he shouldn't think that. There were many times he thought people were nice and they ended using him. But when she looked at him, it feels genuine. He can sense her innocent curiosity and fascination. Well....let's see how she does on her first exam._

_Ben wasted no time in getting home._

_He decided to grade her test first. He shouldn't be wrapped around her but it's been bothering him. He's not sure of what her intentions are. One by one, he checks each problem three times. She only missed two questions, with one she missed partially. Ninety percent. She got a ninety percent. He checks it again one more time. Still ninety. Huh._

_He raised his eyebrow. Only a few students do that well the first time they take his test._

_He proceeded on grading the rest. The average score was a mid seventy, which that alone was good. But to get a ninety the first time?_

_That was something._

* * *

**Now**

Finn and Poe were adamant about letting their cinnamon roll off on a date with Professor Solo. Her dating Kylo was a nightmare but to date the brother who was also her teacher? They have every damn reason to be protective as hell.

Rey's been getting ready the whole day for her date. They first knocked on her door before entering.

"Come in!" she calls out.

Finn and Poe looked at each other and shrugged. They let themselves in and find her hovering by her mirror, curling her hair.

She was caked in makeup and dressed in a black scoop neck t-shirt and denim blue skirt.

"Awe don't you look cute," Poe smiled.

BB-8 came rushing in the second he heard the door open.

"Are you talking to me or BB-8?" she laughed.

"Of course you."

"You excited, Peanut?" Finn asked swallowing hard. He knows he should give Professor Solo er- Ben, a chance but the whole situation is a train wreck.

Rey blushed and that was good enough of an answer.

"Do you know where he's taking you?" Finn and Poe both asked casually. Finn had his hands in his pockets, trying to play cool while Poe was playing with their beloved pet puppy.

Rey placed her curling iron down and sprayed her hair with hairspray. "Nope, it's a surprise. And either way I'm not telling you guys," Rey glared.

Finn raised his hands, feigning innocence. "Hey don't give us that look. We're just trying to look after you."

"I know you guys care but please, I can handle this. I can take care of myself."

Finn bit his lip. "Well let me just fix your makeup a bit at least."

She raised her eyebrow. "What's wrong with my makeup?" she turned and stared at herself in the mirror. She thought she looked good.

"Nothing! It's just....too much. You don't need that much." She had covered her eyes in deep dark eyeshadow and thick eyeliner and coated her lashes in waxy sticky mascara. Her blush and bronze was applied so much it looked like she was recovering from a fight. And her eyebrows - they were too dark. Or maybe he's not used to seeing her wear makeup and that's why it looks too much. "Just trust me Peanut."

"Have you ever used makeup before?"

"No - but just trust me."

Rey bit her lip and nodded.

Finn wetted a rag with a mixture of water and makeup remover and gently wiped the makeup completely off of her face. Poe handed Rey some of her face lotion to give back moisture to her face. "Here," Poe says as he cradled his BB-8.

Rey does so and also applied some chapstick.

Finn examined the makeup that was all laid out on her table. Everything looks so complicated but he grabs what he thinks suit her. He applies powder all over her face and then two light swatches of blush on each cheek. He filled her eyebrows a bit and painted her lips in a tinted dust pink gloss. "There," he said, finishing the last stroke on her mouth. "Beautiful."

Poe leaned in and stared at her. "Much better. Much, much better."

Rey looked at herself in the mirror and bit her lip. "As much as I hate to say it, you put makeup on better than me. Are you sure this is your first time?"

Finn laughed.

"Well, hey let's put some mascara at least," Poe said. He bent down and ran a layer of mascara on her lashes. "There."

"Thanks," Rey said, scrunching up her nose. "I love you guys, you're the dads I never had."

The boys awed and gave her a big bear hug.

* * *

As planned, they gave Rey another lecture.

"I'll be fine!" she sighed, brushing them off.

Finn grabbed Poe's coat. "You should bring a jacket -

"No -

"Especially not!" Poe exclaimed. "You guys got to stop stealing my clothes."

There was knock on the door.

Ben.

Rey blushed then. She wished she could've met him at his place but he insisted on picking her up.

Finn beats her to the door, pushing her away from even trying. "Why hello," he painted a smile. Casually he brushes off Rey's hands from hitting him.

Ben blinked, eyeing Rey. "Hello," Ben responded back, shifting from side to side.

"Stop," Rey breathed in exasperation. She tried to shove Finn away from the door with gritted teeth. "God what's wrong with you?"

Finn swatted her off.

Poe peaked his head and eyed Ben. He held BB-8 protectively. "What time are you going to have her back?"

"That's none of your business!" Rey snapped, flashing the boys with a death glare. "Let's go," she said to Ben, switching to a calm tone.

Ben pressed his lips together and concealed his smile. It was nice seeing her interact with her friends. It was seeing her for once acting her age for once. He just stood there, watching the trio interact with Rey trying to leave and Finn stopping her while Poe was doing an interrogation on him.

"How many students do you date?" Poe asked then.

"Poe!" Rey screamed.

Ben chuckled. "Counting this evening? Just one."

"You can't get a girl your own age?"

"I suppose not and don't worry she'll be in good hands."

Poe's eyebrows furrowed. "You better give a her a good time but not a _good_ time, if you know what I mean."

"And you better not give her a bad time either," Finn crossed his arms and frowned. Rey tried to escape but he sticks his leg out, blocking her.

Rey grunted. "You guys are being ridiculous! Just sit down and go watch TV."

Poe put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, relax kid." He glared at Ben then. "Listen," he said pointed his finger at the Professor. "This," he then gestured his hands at Rey. "This is my smol and you are a tol and you better treat her with respect. There are certain things that a tol cannot do to a smol." Poe wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly that she was suffocating. Rey bit at his arm out of spite. "Do I make myself, clear?"

"Believe me, you have my word," Ben responded respectfully.

Poe examined Ben once more, but in depth this time. The Professor looked so different outside of campus, unrecognizable. For one thing he wasn't in a button up shirt or slacks but instead he was wearing a long sleeved gray shirt and dark jeans. The Professor's hair was loose instead of kept and he wasn't wearing his glasses and instead was wearing contact lenses. Without the formal attire, he looks young, puppy like. He looks like he's in his early twenties instead of pushing thirty. If Poe didn't know the situation he would assumed Ben was his age and Poe was the oldest in the trio. He looks harmless with good intentions - well more good intention compared to his brother. In his hands were flowers. Poe took the flowers and handed them to Rey. "I think these are for you," he said.

Rey frowned but took it. Thanks for ruining the mood, she muttered underneath the breath. "Thanks....um Finn can you put these in a vase. Thank you," she gave Ben a smile.

"Well what are you two waiting for?" Poe asked. "Get. Go have fun."

Rey wasted no time and snatched her purse and Ben as well.

Poe watched the two run off - or rather Rey running off while dragging a very confused Professor along.

"Finn, honey!" Poe called out. Finn was in the kitchen searching for a vase. "Once you're done, grab my keys. We're going to follow them."

* * *

Before Ben got into the car, he caught his breath.

"I'm sorry about that," Rey said, catching her breath as well. "They're...they're -

"Just concerned. It's okay. I understand." He gave her a small smile. "You look beautiful."

And just like that, her knees go weak.

They waste no time in getting the car and leaving.

"Where are we going?" she asks, her eyes transfixed with him. He looks so young without his glasses, younger than Kylo even. And Kylo was the younger twin. Ben's features seemed narrower, sharper and yet somehow softer. Puppy like.

"It's a surprise."

Rey lit up then, butterflies running across her stomach. The feeling vanished when she sees the two idiots in the rear view mirror. "Ben," she said lowly.

His looked up. "I see them too."

"I'm really sorry," her cheeks went hot. She's going to give them a piece of her mind when she gets home. And a good kick in the ass.

He gave her a playful smile. "I have an idea. Hold on," he said as he switched gears.

* * *

 "Are you alright?" he asks as he opened the car door for her.

"Yeah," she caught her breath once more. They had spent half an hour driving around in full speed to cut her roommates off their tracks. "I didn't know you were the type to drive that fast."

"It's an occasional thing." He took her by the hand led her out of the car.

"Where...where are we?" she looked around. They were on a high secluded hill, so high they could see the city from afar. It was almost sunset. Almost.

"My favorite place in the city. The place used to be an observatory until the city closed it down."

"Observatory?"

He grasped her hand and pointed to the left. "Yeah it's still here."

Rey looked up and she sees it, the big old observatory. It was worn down and dingy white but there was something about that made her feel like she was in the presence of something other worldly.

"They closed this place down when I was about your age," there's sadness in his tone and fondness as well.

"And you still visit?"

"Often," he chuckled softly, running his fingers in his hair. Rey smiled. He grabbed a basket and two lanterns from his trunk. "Follow me," he said as he locked his car.

He leads her in, takes her past the empty run down halls and went up the stairs to the best view of the city. Rey didn't realize how many flights of stairs they climbed until she saw the view. They were higher than the city. The world seemed so small.

"It's beautiful," she said, watching the skies become a gradient of pastel shades of blue, pink, and orange. She stepped closer to the ledge to make sure that this was real. And it was.

This was real and he was here. They were here. Together. She turned around and finds him on the ground, setting up a picnic. When did he? How long had she been admiring the view? She doesn't say anything but instead sits beside him on the blanket. He began taking out the food from the basket - sandwiches wrapped in parchment paper and red baker's twine, a container of pasta and fruit, and two mason jars filled with lemonade. There were slices of lemon in the lemonade. Fancy.

"You hungry?" he asks then.

Rey shook her head. "No - thank you- I - I just want to look at you first." She couldn't help but to be flustered. They were alone, away from anything that was familiar between the both of them.

"You always look at me," he chuckled, kissing her hair. "Don't you ever get tired?"

"No. Not at all."

 A hand wraps around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She turned her head, their mouths were inches away. Her eyes became heavy and her lips twitched in anticipation. He leans in but then he stops himself the second he felt the warmth of the sun.

He stood up, bringing her along with him.

She doesn't say a word.

None at all.

He has them sit on the ledge of the observatory. Rey clutched on to his hand tight. She was terrified of heights - she can see the distance to the ground - but then he scoots closer to her. Lightly he presses her to his body and he wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay, nothing's going to happen to you," he coaxed.

She pressed her head into his chest regardless. She was trembling but maybe it wasn't because they were high up. Maybe because they were finally intimate again. A hand rubs her back, she sighed and buries herself closer. He's so big - so tall, she can get lost in him. She likes that option. She remembers the countless dreams she had during her first semester with him. She dreamt constantly of having him hold her like this and.....more.

Ben pulls her back. "It's okay," he whispered. "I just want you to see the view before it's gone." The sun was setting, melting away into the next cycle. The gradient was becoming vibrant and saturated.

Rey's eyes went wide as she watched one by one, the city lights turn on.

The sky turns deep blue with crisp edges of darkness - and then complete darkness - but the lights from the city makes the sky shine once more.

And she realized that the glowing was coming from the stars. She can see them - there's hundreds, thousands, millions, all scattered about.

"It's beautiful," she breathes.

He doesn't respond.

She turned and found him staring at her in awe. He dips his head closer to her. She tilted her chin up but he doesn't kiss her but instead he places his thumb on her temple. There's no expression on his face for he was experiencing every single emotion, caught in a haze. His thumb stroked her cheek then with sharpened breath. "You're so beautiful." His chest constricted the second the words came out. Hair falls and covers his eyes and the only thing that was visible were the curves of his jaw and the softness of his lips.  Lips rolling against another to be touched.

Her heart fluttered. "Kiss me," she whispered the words an inch from his mouth.

His lips twitched at the sight of her glossy lips. "I can't," he moves his fingers to her curls.

"Why not?" she laughed.

He gets her down from the ledge first and then himself. He takes her by the hand once again and has her sit on the blanket. "I just don't think it's the right time," he finally responded, turning the lanterns on.

Rey scrunched up her nose and laughed. She sat on his lap and hung her arms around his neck. "Can I kiss you instead?"

"No," his voice was firm. "Rey - please don't give me that face - I want to go slow with you. You've been through a lot as it is. I want to treat you right." You were in a relationship with my brother, he wanted to add but he doesn't.

"It's so hard not to kiss you when you say stuff like that," she mumbled. She wanted to kiss him now and hard. "Why do you tease me so?"

"Tease you?" he lets out an amused chuckle. "When do I ever?"

Rey rolled her eyes. "Oh come now. I wanted you since I first stepped into your class. That was a _year_ ago."

Ben blinked into the words registered into his system. "A year? Has it been a year already?" Where had the time go?

Rey nodded and sighed into his shoulder. "Yes, I am a second year now." She had spent all her first semester nights dreaming of him, craving him. Those dreams may have been dormant for months, but they were resurfaced now. Everything was all muscle memory.

"You know I was hesitant before." It was inappropriate and it still is but it doesn't stop his eyes from darkening to match the richness of his hair.

Unconsciously, she began to chew on her bottom lip. That alone excited him, his body becoming aroused at the sight. "Imagine how much easier our lives would have been if you just followed your gut," she traces the lump on his throat.

He grabs her hands, grabs them away from eliciting any more damage. "It would be very anticlimactic however."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Buzz kill."

"Do I bore you?"

"You? Not ever."

"Really?" he couldn't help but to be surprised.

Rey laughed. "I'm not bored of you - I'm just saying that we don't need to go at a snail's pace. We know each other, we have enough established."

She was tempting him, he knew. She always tempted him, tempted him from the very beginning. While others bolted when class ended, she stayed. She was one of the few that visited him during office hours even though she had one of the highest grades in the class. Trouble, this girl. She should be shy and not initiating things but Rey wasn't like the other girls. Rey said what she wanted and did what she wanted too. This girl was trouble - this girl was his. He chuckled and brushed her cheek with his fingers once more. "You always tire me out. Are you aware of this?"

She flashes him a wicked grin.

Ben shook his head and laughed quietly. "But I can never get tired of you."

* * *

"Did you knew I liked you before I told you?" she asks during the ride home. She was wearing his coat. She wasn't cold, she just wanted to inhale his scent. He doesn't have to know that though. While the night was romantic and sweet, she was left feeling incomplete. He was determined about taking things slow - even refused to kiss her. Rey found it ridiculous since they've kissed a couple times already.

"I figured after two months but I had a feeling before that."

Her eyes lit up in interest. "Feeling?"

Ben contained himself from smiling. "You always found you staring at me. Whenever you liked something I did or say, you would bite your lip and press your legs together. It was obvious what you were thinking about - what you wanted." He doesn't have to go in detail. Him making the implications was enough for Rey to follow.

Rey stiffened as her cheeks reddened. "Really? I do that?"

Ben laughed, unable to suppress himself. "Constantly. You still do it to this day."

"No I don't!" she said stubbornly.

He gave her a small smile. "It's nothing to be ashamed about," he assures her. "I don't mind it - well anymore anyways."

Rey smiled crookedly at him. He's focus on the road but she knew damn well he saw it. "When did you start liking me?" she asked him the mother load of questions.

She watches as his nails sink into his steering wheel. His mouth was slightly open.  "Um uh -

Rey gave him cheeky grin. "It's alright. I can wait. You can tell me when you're ready." She liked seeing him get all riled up, had so since the first day of class.

"And you call me a tease."

"Can I ask you one more question? It's a serious one," the playful smile on her face was gone.

Ben nodded.

Rey sank into her seat. "Did you really mean it when you said I had daddy issues?"

"No - no, Rey honey," he coaxed. God, he feels horrible, more horrible then when he did say it. "I'm sorry - I only said that to make you stop feeling that way about me."

Her heart skipped a beat. Honey. He called her honey. She liked the sound of that. It sounded so relaxing, so soothing

 "Rey, honestly I am sorry I ever said those things to you. I never wanted to say those things but I was trying to protect you -

She placed her hand on his leg. "It's okay. I already know and I forgive you."

* * *

"I wanted you so much even when you were dating Kylo."

Her hand had been on his leg the whole car ride. The only thing different was that they were parked in front of her apartment.

Rey moved her hand aside and rested her head on his lap instead. "How much?" her voice was like honey dripping from its source.

"I thought about you often," his eyelashes lowered, casting a shadow on his cheeks.

She liked the view - liked seeing all the sharps and curves take a new form. "As in?" she asked, drawing the answer out.

Ben looked at her and shook his head. "Cheeky little thing," he lamented.

Rey smiled from cheek to cheek. "I'll stop if you kiss me." She watches as he swallowed the temptation down. She really liked seeing him from this angle, him up above her.

"Rey -

"Please call me honey. I like it when you do," she said as she bit her lip for him.

He licked his lips slowly then. Her legs pressed together in response, _oh, she likes that._  "Honey," he complies, his voice even and leveled as ever. "I don't think you know what you're asking for," his tone went dark, coy.

She tilted her face up. She never heard him say that before - or in that tone for that matter. "Oh?" she asked.

She sounded frightened and turned on all at once.

This shakes him enough to realize what was happening.

His lust was taking over him, consuming his conscience.

He pulls himself out and back into his controlled state. He stroked her cheek once more, comforting her. He hadn't been with a woman for so long and he had been wanting her as much as she wanted him. But, he wanted to take things slow, he wanted them to last forever. He respected her, cared for her, loved her.  "I want to take our time with each other but if you kiss me one more time, I'm scared that I won't be able to control myself anymore."

It sounded like a warning.

Unconsciously, she bit her bottom lip. She yearned to see him unravel before her - to be underneath this benevolent giant and let him go wild and have his way with her - but she cares for him and she knows now that he isn't ready to show that side of him to her yet. "It's alright, I understand," she means every single word.

Ben sighed in relief.

"I don't have daddy issues but I like men who are in control," her voice went low. She was a girl who liked speaking her mind - who liked fighting back - and being defiant but she was also a girl who liked being dominated once in a while. That's what fascinated her about him, this man - this older, level headed man who enjoyed order and routine somehow oozed passion and heat. She sensed it the moment she stepped into his classroom - sensed it by how everyone was polite and diligent.

They hadn't done much and yet she was already begging. Begging for a kiss for that matter.

Ben's face went hot from her boldness. "You're trouble. Always testing my patience," he let out a tired out sigh. "You'll be the death of me."

Rey gave him a wink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I went there.  
> And would you guys want another flashback chap? If so would you want it to be a Ben pov? Or Rey's? And to what moment in time?


	13. Diagnosis: Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for I have sinned

Seeing the two of them together was a nightmare that Ben couldn't wake up from.

And he did have nightmares in his sleep. Periodically during the span of Rey's relationship with his brother, Ben would have the same recurring nightmare. It starts off as a dream, a dream he had since he picked up an interest in her. They're in his room in his dream and he has her underneath the sheets. Hands latched on to one another, against lands of unexplored flesh. Clumsy giggles escape from their mouths, showing signs of pure content.

But then, the dream turns and he realizes that it's not him. It's his brother, taking his place.

As if his nightmares weren't enough, reality haunted him. Seeing them - seeing her happy broke his heart. He could have made her happy just as well but his chance was missed. He couldn't have taken the chance - she's still his student. But the replacement wasn't any better. She was with his brother, his identical twin brother. The very thing disturbed him, that she got to see his body but it wasn't his.

His habit of smoking doubled during her relationship, intensified immensely. He knew smoking was bad but it was the only thing that settled his nerves whenever he witnessed Kylo roaming about at campus, waiting for her.

Ben's with her now, but frequently he's reminded of the time he coveted her. He wonders if she is truly happy with him and if he could satisfy her just as much as his brother did. His brother was more popular, dated more girls than Ben did. Ben's experience was small, consisting of only of a few dates, a significant other, and the professor that abused him.

"You have to help me get her back, Ben," Kylo's voice is uneven. It sounded like he was crying before he called Ben.

Ben clutched on to his cellphone. "What can I do?" he asked slowly. Ben hadn't gathered the nerve to tell Kylo and it certainly wasn't the right time. It's midnight and Kylo was reaching out for him.

He can hear his brother sniffling.

"I've been leaving her messages and calling her since the break up - I even stopped a bit to give her some space. She's not answering."

Ben's heart skipped a beat. He knew damn well that Rey blocked Kylo the second she walked in on him having sex with another girl. "Kylo, you guys broke up a while ago. _Months._ She doesn't want to get back together. I think it's time to move on."

"No, no. I don't want to," he mumbled, his speech becoming slurred by the second. "I want to see her again. I have to see her again -

"Kylo," Ben's tone was firm. "Remember last time with your last girlfriend? You have to understand boundaries." That was the last thing Ben wanted. He didn't want another girl to have a restraining order against Kylo. "You can't force your way into seeing her. She doesn't want to be with you. You have to understand. If you care about her, you have to respect her wish."

Kylo curses underneath his breath. "Well what the fuck am I supposed to do? Let her go? I don't want to let her go. She's not someone you can let go."

Ben understands that more than Kylo knows. He feels horrible but for once, Ben was going to think about himself. "Kylo, she doesn't want to be with you," Ben emphasized. All his life, he had been putting his brother first and he can't do that anymore. For once Ben's happy and he doesn't want to her let go, he's not going to mess this up again.

"You have to help me before some other guy snatches her up -

"Kylo -

"Maybe I should stop by her home right now -

"Kylo! Listen to me for once! Don't you fucking dare do the same shit years ago!" Ben lost his temper. He was seeing red, hearing the conversation months ago when Kylo was assaulting her and having Ben listen. Ben should have punched Kylo back then but he didn't have the heart to hurt his brother. But this is now and Ben isn't going to let anything like that happen to her again. "You have to understand. I know you feel horrible for what you've done and will do anything to make it better but it's over. She doesn't want to give you another chance. The only thing you can do is to move on because that's what she wants." As much as he loved his brother, Ben doesn't want Kylo stalking her or laying a finger on her.

Kylo hangs up then.

Ben pulled the phone from his ear and froze. He blinked several times, trying to register what he had just done.

For once, he put someone else first that wasn't his brother. Her safety and well being was more important. The old him would swallow his tongue and opinions and encourage his brother. The old him would be positive even though this was borderline obsessive. But he's not the old him. Ben loves her and he's not going to let her go.

* * *

Ben barely slept that night and when morning comes, he's in a disheveled state. Unkept hair, wary eyes, a greyish pale complexion. He couldn't sleep at all. All he could think about was what happened months ago, over the phone. He remembers the audio clearly, remembers the sound of Rey trying to be quiet and escape but Kylo grabbed her and immobilized her. Ben remembers hearing it - hearing his brother forcing pleasure on her, forcing the sounds right out of her mouth but she was also frightened. She was distressed. She clearly didn't want it but he was forcing himself on her so she'll make a sound. And Ben, he was just listening on the phone helplessly unable to do anything to stop it.

Now and then the memory haunts him but at least he only heard it. If he was there and saw it, Ben knew it will haunt him for the rest of his life.

To this day, he feels sick with himself for never protecting her from it. Of course he talked to Kylo about it but it wasn't enough for Ben. It wasn't enough justice. Ben wanted to beat the shit out of him but his conscience didn't allow it.

He feels guilty for never saying more to her. Sure he told her that it was assault and asked about her well being and tried to get her to reconsider the relationship - but that wasn't enough.

It could never be enough.

Ben doesn't hate his brother for all the things he's done. Ben pities him, sympathizes. He knows that Kylo's a grown man that should be able to take care of himself but Kylo takes after dad. And just like dad, Ben has to remind Kylo constantly about taking his meds regularly. Ben takes after mom, they're both self reliant but there's a downfall to that. It was one the reasons why he and mom had trouble letting people in, had trouble connecting, had trouble being vulnerable.

Ben's not in the right mind to teach but he does so. There's not much enthusiasm in him today that it's evident to the whole class. He hears whispers but they were good whispers, whispers of concern.

A student raises his hand.

"Yes?" Ben acknowledges the person with care. He tries to suppress a yawn but it escapes him.

"Are you alright? You seem off today."

"Yeah," other students in chimed in.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking." He notices Rey shuffle in her seat. She's wearing a blue dress and a cardigan - she has a presentation for her next class Ben remembered then. She has two notebooks on her desk and he knows instantly that half her mind is on the presentation and the other is on taking notes. She looks nervous, frantic almost. He frowned, he knows that look. It was the same look she had after the phone conversation. His eyes locked on her, searches for what was running in her mind. He realizes then that she's worried for him like the other students too.

Another student chimed in, "Are you sure, you look kind of pale -

"Um, just one moment," he said then. Absentmindedly, he pulls out his phone and sent a text. To Rey.

**_Meet me at my office today after class._ **

Ben puts his phone away and catches bewildered gazes from the students. He never interrupted class to text before and that startles them a bit. He never froze in place before, never lost his train of thought. Ben pretends like nothing happened and goes on with the lecture for another ten minutes and then he ends the class early. Early. Early. Earlier than he ever let the class out, thirty minutes early.

* * *

Rey goes to his office, but she waits until five minutes after he left.

She finds him sitting in his chair, staring absentmindedly at nothing. Her heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong. "Are you alright?" she locks the door without having to think about it. "You lost your trail of thought many times during class and you froze in a place a couple times too." She should have been focused on preparing her presentation that was in an hour and thirty minutes but she wasn't. The whole time in class she was trying to multitask but it was hard because Ben wasn't quite himself today. Hell, his shirt was uneven because he missed the top button and his hair wasn't slicked back and groomed. And that alone concerned the whole class.

"I'm just tired," he says lowly.

She sits on his desk to be at his eye level, brushes the hair from his face and touches his forehead. "No wonder why. You're heating up, Ben," she bit her lip. "You're in no condition for the rest of your classes. You need to rest."

"No, I'm fine -

"Ben. No one today understood the hell you were saying."

He frowned in horror. "Was I really that bad?" he asked with heavy eyes. His head was shifting from side to side, fighting to stay awake.

"Yes." She digs through her bag then and pulls out her an emergen-c packet. She tore the paper and pour the powder into her water bottle. "At least drink this," she said as shook the bottle rigorously.

Ben takes it without any refusal. He wishes the water was cold instead of lukewarm but he doesn't say anything. He gulps it down like air.

"You need to go home and rest. It'll do you and everyone else a favor," she chuckles softly.

"I never cancel classes -

"There's no award for perfect attendance for professors, Ben. You can miss a day. You are allowed to miss a day." She presses a kiss on his heating forehead. He was getting hotter by the second.

His cheeks turned red from embarrassment. "I told you not to kiss me right now -

Rey scrunched up her nose. "I thought it didn't apply since you're sick." She kisses his forehead again. "Don't worry, I'll get you some medicine too," she places her fingers on his shirt. "I'm not ocd or anything but this was bothering me like crazy," she says as she took off his loose tie. She unbuttons his shirt then so she can button it correctly. She stops herself after three buttons and noticed that he wasn't wearing an undershirt today. He's really out of it. Thank god he was wearing a thick black shirt at least. She continues to unbutton his shirt, his skin is hot and he's mumbling something but she couldn't decipher it. She looked up- lips smash against hers.

She pulls away.

Ben stops immediately. "I'm sorry," he mumbles weakly.

"You're going to get me sick," she stated.

"I-I I don't know what I was thinking."

She kisses him on the cheek then. "I didn't say you can't kiss me. Just try to avoid kissing me on the mouth -

He kisses her throat then. He scoots his chair closer to her and kisses her all over. Each time he tried to make contact for her mouth, she pulls back and he reaches for something else. He kisses her cheeks frantically - her neck, her nose. She kisses him back with the same ferocity, kisses that jawline she craved so much, kisses the visible skin that his unbuttoned shirt allowed.

Rey knows damn well she's still going to get sick but hopefully it won't be as bad.

He pulls at her cardigan and tugs for her to take it off. She does so and becomes surrounded by large hands running along her bare shoulders. "You're sick," she reminded him as a hand slips under her dress. She cups his face and tries calm him down. He's delirious but she likes it, seeing him be vulnerable in front of her.

"Oh. Yeah," he stops.

She kisses him on the mouth then. "But I don't care," she decided. The hell if she gets sick. He locks her into a kiss, his tongue stroking hers aggressively. She locked her arms around his neck and pulls them closer. His hand slips to her waist and holds her in place on the desk as the other hand slips underneath her dress to pull away at her underwear.

Rey broke the kiss, startled by his forwardness. "What are you going to do?" she asks.

"What do you want me to do?" he asks. His fingers ran up her inner thigh. His fingers were hot but they felt like velvet.

"Do anything you want."

"What do you want me to do?" he repeated then, slurring slightly. His voice was clearer than earlier.

She kicks off her flats and strokes her feet along the swell in his pants. She hears him hiss underneath his breath, hears him moan weakly. She bites her lip at the sight - bites her lip harder as she felt his swell twitch. "I want you to do me."

Ben smiled at her, his fingers stroking at her clit.

She gasped slightly, her toes curling on his pant legs. He swirls his finger all around, until she was wet. He dips a finger then and then another and pushes them in and out, feeling the warmness and tightness. She parts her legs more, inviting his fingers to go deeper.

"I want you to say it nicely," he says, his eyes becoming dark.

She bites her lip as his fingers curl inside. "Please Ben."

"Formally," he corrected her. He slips his fingers out and began to suck the juices that coated his hand.

"Please Professor?" she asks, whines at the sight. She sees his erection through his pants, sees the outline - sees it twitching.

"That's too formal." That brought too much bad memories for him.

Rey laughed. "Well what I'm supposed to call you?"

He finishes the juices off his hand and calmly, he unzips his pants. She watches as his erection comes out on its own, content of being free from confinement. "You already know."

She spreads her legs even more, moving the fabric of her dress up. She fingers herself, making herself soaping wet and slick for him. He stares at the sight as his hand strokes along his base. His cock was two shades red, veins visible from it pulsating. "You're so small," he murmured as he spread the clear thick liquid that was leaking out of him all around his shaft.

Unconsciously she licked her lips. While Kylo's cock had girth, Ben's cock was longer. There was still a thickness to his cock but it was more inviting, less intimidating.

"Do you want me in you?" he asks as he slid a dress strap down. He slid the flimsy bra strap down as well and cups her breast while his other hand was keeping his hardness from dying out.

She nodded, suppressing a moan. His thumb runs over her hardened nipple. She shuddered from his touch, her nipples were sensitive and ached to be sucked.

"I still haven't heard you ask properly yet." He tugs at her nipple and licked his lips in anticipation. Hair falls to his eyes.

She raised her eyebrow. She didn't know what to call him. So it's not Ben or Professor Solo -

Oh.

Her face flushes then from her being so oblivious. It made sense, this man liked order. He liked things a certain way. "Oh."

"I know I'm a freak."

"No you're not. You just have a kink. But that's okay because my kink is being controlled."

Ben chuckled. He stood up and pressed her body down, pressed her so she was laying flat on her back on his desk. "I dreamed about you like this a million times."

"Really?" her voice was small. She wondered how many fantasies he had of her and how his imagination worked. This man, this kept man was unraveling in front of her. She remained still, watching him dig in his pocket. He pulls out a key and unlocks one of the drawers. He lifts the item for her to see, it a condom. She watches as he tears the paper.

He nodded and he gives her a timid smile. She smiles then. That's her Ben.

He unrolls the condom and slides it down his swollen cock. He was throbbing even more, exhausted from the tease. "I bought some just to be prepared and safe - you know," he stammered.

She laughed. Rey couldn't help but to find him endearing, this dork. "When did you buy them?"

"After we kissed for the first time," he admitted. "I know it doesn't sound romantic and it's creepy but I had the urge to after that."

"Do you have them stored somewhere else besides here?"

He blushed then. "Yeah."

Rey's eyes lit up. "Really where?"

"In reasonable places - my car and my home."

She sat up then. "And these dreams. What do you dream about exactly?" her eyes lit up.

"I rather not say."

"Well I know for sure one of them you want us to do it on your desk -

"I'm sick. I'm a freak -

She laughed again. "You're not. I'm pretty sure I fantasize the same things as you because I wanted you do me on your desk since I first saw you." She leans and kisses his nose. Her skin was starting to feel hot - oh well. After this she'll go to the convenient store that was seven minutes away from here and pop a bunch of medicine before her presentation.

"Do you still want to do this?" he asks, staring down at her.

"Yes. Do you?"

"Yes - but I have to warn you I'm a bit rusty. I haven't slept with a woman in years."

"Good thing you bought some condoms, I'm pretty sure you're going to explode in me if you haven't," she teased.

"Rey," he frowned.

"I'm only teasing." She giggles then. She couldn't help but to wonder how they went from all hot and steamy to their casual awkward selves.

"Do you want me to keep my glasses on or -

"Off. I don't want you to break them."

He does so. He leaves an awkward silence in order to properly store away his glasses. After he does, he went on his knees and starts the heat in between her legs. Rey froze.

Ben pulled away and sensed her fear.

"It's alright," he coaxed. "I won't do this if it makes you feel -

"No. I want you to. I want to have a good experience replace - you know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'll stop when you tell me to. I won't do anything that you wouldn't want."

That comforted her and nodded, allowing him entrance.

He kisses her inner thighs first, side to side. Each time he kissed them lighter and lighter. He licks her thighs a bit, easing her into the idea. He hears her moaning but it causes him to stop from memory.

"It's okay. I want it. I want you." She wrapped her legs around his neck and pulled his face closer to her sex.

His throat became dry from the sight, aching to sedate his thirst. But he prevents himself from doing so. "Are you sure?" he asked as his eyes fluttered from the scent.

"I'll let you know if I'm uncomfortable. I know you won't hurt me."

He buries himself and licks her in long slow strokes. He was slow, trying to register that this was happening - that she allowed him to be here. That moment that haunted them - they were living it now but with each other instead. When he hears her moaning in pleasure that was when he was able to taste her. He had tasted her earlier but this was different. This was from the source, abundant and sweet.

He keeps his pace. He swirls his tongue all about the bundle of nerves until she became wet. She was quietly moaning, chewing on her lip from letting a sound escape. But he can hear and the sound drove him deeper into his fantasies.

His hands slip on to his dick and his massages the pressure. He speeds his pace then, lapping his tongue and flicking and dipping his tongue into her sex. She tightened her grip on him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Can you suck me?" she asked in a hushed tone. She was embarrassed to ask but she knew she had to for him to do so.

He does so happily and sucks hard on the bundle of nerves and rotates with tracing his tongue around her labia. It feels so good, the taste of her - the closeness. Every time he broke away for a breath she would allow him for a second and use her legs to pull him back closer to her. He rubs his face against her soaping pussy, she's so wet that it was smearing onto his temples. He broke away and licked the rest of her that was dripping down his chin.

"I want to suck you off," she hums.

"I already have the condom on though."

She couldn't help but to laugh.

"You should have said something before I put it on."

"We're running out of time, you should probably cut to the chase."

"Say it nicely," he crouched down and left a mark on her shoulder. It doesn't really matter. She can easily cover it up with her cardigan.

"No."

Ben smirked. He kissed her throat, scattering kisses all around. He dipped his hand down her bra and massaged her breast. He can hear her breathing become uneven again. "What do you say?"

"Please Daddy."

His eyes darkened from the words. "Please what?"

She looked up at him, this giant. "Please fuck me."

He pressed her down on his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for I have sinned. P.s. what do you think what kinks Ben and Rey have?


	14. Diagnosis: Fever Pt II ft. Contagious

Kylo remembers the night they met. She was sitting across from, several seats away absorbed into her thoughts. She was beautiful, he thought immediately. He had been with many girls but never with someone like her. While every girl was out there, she stood out. While everyone was drinking and getting riled up, she was relaxed. She wore her heart on her sleeve and he could see that it was broken. He ached to speak to her but was uncertain of her age.

It wasn't until an hour that he musters up the courage to say something to her. He plays natural, plays like she had just caught his attention when in reality he was staring at her for a while. While that was an understatement. He saw her at a store earlier and sort of...followed her here, at this place. Her eyes caught his interest, her size caught his yearning, and that saddened stare made him gravitate towards her.

He starts the conversation coolly, lets his charm come to full display.

When he gets her to laugh, it eases him, comforts him. Because for once maybe he's doing something right. He gets closer to her the more he gets her to laugh but then she stares at him with eyes full of horror.

"You look like a professor I had last semester. Professor Solo," she stated. There's doubt in her tone but he knew the truth.

She had his brother for a teacher.

He blinked. "Oh you had Ben as teacher last semester?" he asks, his face falling. He's not sure what that has to do with anything but he asks. His stomach was churning in mad jealously but he keeps a painted face so he wouldn't scare her off.

The girl nods but her mouth is left slightly parted. "Yeah" - she pauses to take a breath. "Are you...are you guys brothers?" she asks, a blush developing.

Kylo blinked. That was such an odd question. He never got asked that before. "Yeah," he said pretending to be indifferent. This girl definitely has a thing for his brother. "Twins to be exact. Do you like him?" It's just his luck that for once in a long time, a girl made his heart skipped a beat but her brother got to her first. Kyo had dated multiple girls but they were only casual, physical. There was something about this girl that he just wanted all of her. He wants her time, he wants her full attention.

She blushes again. And it's evident that she does. "Like him as a teacher? Yeah I did. He's really nice - hes' a good teacher," she emphasized the teacher part.

A small smile develops within him for he remembers that this is his brother. Ben doesn't go around chasing someone that doesn't have a degree let alone someone who can't order a drink.

"Do you live around here?" she asks, changing the subject.

His eyes light up because she wants to know him. Him and not his perfect brother. Kylo shakes his head. "Nah. I live twenty miles away. I was supposed to have dinner at his house but I decided to go here. It's more comforting here."

"What's your name?"

"Kylo." He hovers closer to her.

"Nice to meet you Kylo," she said, immediately reaching for his hand.

He takes her hand and squeezes it, grasping on to her before letting go. She's even prettier up close. She's such a pretty girl. He wants her to be his girl. He wants to just fuck her right there. "What's your name - wait let me try to guess," he smirked. He examined her, scratching his chin. "You're very attentive and ask a lot of questions," he recalls the description of his brother on his students. "You're friendly. And you have green flecks in your eyes- you're Rey."

She froze for a moment and then blood rushed to her cheeks completely.

"Am I correct?"

"Yeah - does he talk to you about me?"

His eyes darkened in jealousy to the sound of her excitement. He stiffened. This must be the girl Ben had mentioned months ago, the girl that Ben couldn't get out of his head. Ben confided to Kylo saying he had inappropriate feelings for a girl and asked for Kylo to set him up. Kylo decides to turn the tables, to do both him and his brother a favor. "From time to time he talks about students he really likes, he adds like it was nothing. "He doesn't really say anything else besides that. He's very private. He talks about other students too like some girl named Delilah and some other girl named Kristen and oh some guy named Robert and Drake," he added. Everything Kylo said was true but he purposely left out one thing, that Ben frequently brings her up in conversation whenever Kylo asks about work.

"That's nice," she responded back. Kylo hid a smile, watching the light in her eyes die. "Are you close with your brother?"

Kylo bit his lip. She's trying to be casual with asking about his brother but he could see right through her. "Yes and no? We're polar opposites," he gives her a straight answer. Don't get him wrong, Kylo loves Ben but they're not close ever since Ben went to college at fourteen. They haven't been close since their lives parted ways. They're still close but it's not the same. It's not unison.

They talked for the rest of the night until she has to go.

He asks to see her again but she's hesitating.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I thought we were having a great time - did I read the body language wrong?"

"No it's just -

He examines her and those feelings are there and they were strong, unwavering. But he could tell she doesn't want them the same Ben didn't want them. Maybe this was a way Kylo could help them. He can take her away and have her for himself and that will solve everything. "You _had_ a crush on Ben," he says, emphasizing the word. Had, past tense. In the past. "I figured by the way your eyes lit up when you talked about him or when I mentioned him."

She explains then, explains what happened a few days ago. "I think it would be too weird," she warns. His heart skipped a beat to the sound of her words. She's honest with him, open. "You look like him and I don't know what I'm feeling."

He isn't threatened though. He's confident, overconfident that he can win her with his charms. "You're going to have the same problem at twenty eight trust me."

She laughs and he can feel her heart shifting in his favor.

He smiled at her softly. "Remember what you said, we look alike but it doesn't mean anything. Let's just try it out for a bit?" he coaxes her in a low voice. "If it gets too weird we'll stop." You're my baby girl, he wanted to say. He wanted to say those words but he knew it was too soon.

* * *

Rey makes him happy, very happy. He loves her. He loves having her by his side during long car rides. He loves her small pretty hand on his lap. He loves that hand stroking him until he was hard and she had to relieve it. He loves having her with the windows down and the music on high. Most of the times, they're just driving with no destination, no place to go. They drive just for the ride. Having her comforts him. When he was sixteen ran away from home. He came back months later out of his control. When he was nineteen that was when he left home completely, driving away in the night. But being with her in his car, his Baby Girl, it replaces those lonely memories with warmth, love, and comfort. All those years of driving with an empty passenger seat were finally answered. The seat was meant for her and he was only keeping it warm until she came into his life.

Kylo only stops driving when it gets late at night.

That was when he takes her home.

But not tonight.

"I love you Baby Girl," he says it to the cold air. The words press on to her skin and makes her shiver. He keeps driving at a steady pace and eyes her from the side. "I think it's time."

"Time for what - oh." She went quiet as she watch him exit the freeway enter his street. "I...I'm not ready -

"I've been waiting. Tell me why not now?" he asks patiently. "We've been dating for months."

Rey froze from his tone. Whenever he used that patient tone, she felt intimidated.

The light hits red and immediately he breaks. He breaks hard, causing her to move forward in her seat. "Do you love me?" he asks biting every single word. His eyes were darkened and his mouth twisted into an agitated frown.

"Of course I love you. It's just -

"Just what?" he snapped at her. The hits green and he pushes the gas pedal, causing both of them to shift back from the force. He was going fast but it didn't matter for there was no one on the road and this area had no cameras.

"I'm not ready," she snapped back. "Why can't you understand tha -

"You're not ready or is it because you love him?" Kylo hissed.

"Love who -

" _Him_ ," Kylo gritted his teeth. His blood was boiling and he was gripping on to the steering wheels, nails and all. "Answer me. Do you love him?"

Rey frowned and her eyes narrowed. "Why would you ask me something like that? I love you -

"He's the one in the way in our relationship, since the beginning."

"No he hasn't. The only person in the way is you! I cant believe you honestly think that of me! I don't love him. I love you -

He swerves the car and parks along a curb. "Then why don't you want to sleep with me? If you love me and he's not in the way then what is?"

"I'm scared," she spat out. "Why do you need a damn explanation? I'm fucking scared. You're twenty nine and I'm not even nineteen yet. I'm afraid once we have sex it's going to ruin everything."

"What do you think I would leave after?"

She became silent.

"Do you think I'm that type of person?" his voice went soft. He reached to touch her cheek but she backs away. The engine was still on with the music still playing. Lana Del Rey was on, singing a ballad.

_Don't break me down_   
_I've been traveling too long_   
_I've been trying too hard_   
_With one pretty song_

"Rey, I'm not going to leave you not ever," he whispered. He clutches to her fingers, grips her hand like the first time they met.

She swallows hard and then turns to him. "I see it everywhere at college with my friends. Once their partner gets to sleep with them, they leave. They lie. They lie and say whatever pretty thing to get what they want."

"That's not true. How about your friends Finn and Poe?"

_I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast_   
_I am alone in the night_

Rey bit her lip. "That...that doesn't count. They're the exception -

"And I am too. I'm not going to leave, not ever."

_Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I_   
_I've got a war in my mind_

She bit her lip and stared at her hands. His hand was interlocked with hers, squeezing her tight.

_So, I just ride_

Rey exhaled and her eyes flickered up to his. "Okay. Let's do it."

_I just ride. I just ride._

* * *

He carries her and takes her into his room. He plants kisses all around, sedating her tense nerves. "I don't think we should," she rasps out, moving her face away from his mouth.

His eyes lowered. "If you're afraid about it feeling like you're sleeping with Ben, you're not. He doesn't exactly have the same built as I do."

She hesitates before speaking. "Can we just wait a year like we planned?"

"I didn't planned that, I just went along and I can't wait that long. I love you Rey. I love you so much it hurts."

"Why do you love me?"

"You love me for me and you don't want to change anything about me. And I know now that the love you have for me is real. It's there and I'm here."

Rey shut her eyes and lets him kiss her again. "I'm terrified. It's going to hurt."

"I'll be gentle, Baby Girl," he lays her on his bed.

"Can we...can we have the lights down - not completely off just down."

He nodded and obeys. He reaches for his wallet and picks the condom out. He strips himself from his clothes and crawls on top of her, with the wrapped condom in his closed hand. He pins her down and peppers scratchy kisses along her neck and shoulders. He kisses her, pressing hard through the clothes that concealed her. Her face is red, body becoming flush as thumbed her sex through the fabric of clothing. Her body freezes but then he feels liquid streaming out, piercing through her clothes.

His hand slips underneath her shirt and she winces to the coldness of his skin. She's warm and the warmth of her flesh only invites him in. He takes her shirt off and unlatches her bra and kneads a breast with the free hand he had. She tries to cover herself but he pulls away at her hands and kisses her softer. He keeps kissing her as he stimulated each breast, rolling his fingers on her nipples until they were long enough for him to latch on to. He can feel the arousal building in her, hear her muffling the sounds from coming out of her mouth. He stops rubbing her and pulls away at her hand that was covering her lips. "No, I want to hear," he murmurs. "Don't be embarrassed." He dips his head and nuzzles his face against her breast and latches on to her nipple and sucks on it. He sucks slowly and waits until her breasts were fully stimulated and then he sucks on her hard. His free hand moves to tug at her clothes and so she does. She pulls away at them, with his mouth locked onto her nipple. She bit down her tongue from making a sound and so he sucks harder, grinding his teeth against her sensitive tit until he hears a sound come from her pretty mouth.

He lets a growl. "That's it Baby Girl, make that sound for me again." He sucks slower and then lets go to suck on her other nipple.

She kicks off her pants as he licked her breasts in strokes. The second her pants were gone he dips his fingers in between her legs. She was already wet from earlier, allowing his fingers to become slick and go in deeper.

Rey winces and pulls away. "Stop - I just don't want to -

He kisses her lips and forces entrance into her mouth. "It's alright Baby Girl," he says. She looks uncomfortable. He kisses her gently then. "There's nothing to be shy about. We've been dancing around this for a while. I know how to touch you right. I know exactly what will make you come. Just trust me." He unrolls his hand and tears the condom out of the wrapper. He positions himself so he was sitting up. "Suck me a bit. You're comfortable with that."

Rey didn't say anything but does so, dipping her head. She gave tiny strokes along his base, running her tongue slowly. Shyly.

He grabs her by the hair and moves her closer. "No Baby Girl, no teasing. I want you to suck me off."

She wraps her lips around him then and bobs her head down. She barely has any control like this, his girth was huge. She liked licking him better than sucking on him, it didn't hurt her jaw as much. She keeps doing it as he guides her, pulling by her hair. He moans, her mouth was warm. He feels himself twitching inside. He bucked his hips, shoving himself deeper. "Can I come inside?" he asks.

She doesn't say anything. She couldn't say anything. She moved up and just sucked on his head, swirling her tongue along the drippling top.

But he knows what she meant. "Alright I'll save it for later." He pulls her hair back and lays her flat on her back. He rolls the condom on his erection. He mumbles underneath the feeling of slimy plastic compressing him. It wasn't the compression that bothered him, it was the texture. The artificial texture felt horrible but they already discussed about protection. Rey didn't want to have unprotected sex and he respects that.

"I love you," he says, trying to comfort her more.

"I love you too," she whispered. Her face was beet red, her eyes unable to look at him.

"Don't be embarrassed -

"I know but I can't control how I feel."

"Will it be better if I turn off the lights?" he said as he climbed on top of her.

"No." She touches his cheek and then kisses his nose. "I want to see you."

He smiles and kisses her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Now**

Rey remembers clearly about her first time. She remembers it like the back of her hand. At the time, Kylo kept pressuring her for them to sleep together. Rey always denied him for the timing didn't feel right. It felt off. It wasn't until he used the Ben card that she decided to cave in- to prove him that she loved him. If she could go back in time, she would have never done on that night.

It wasn't entirely his fault. Rey wasn't vocal. She went along with it even though her discomfort was evident. He kept glossing it over, glossing over her body language.

_She remembers feeling embarrassed. She remembers the feeling of wanting to hide underneath the covers until he went away._

_Rey remembers the moment he went inside of her - she remembers that jolting pain. She remembers tears streaming out of her eyes as she drew blood. She remembers him stroking her, whispering sweet words as he kept going. Tears kept going as well as her body tensed up and the arousal vanished._

_It hurts, she said to him. She felt her body curling out from his touch. He was still inside._

_He stayed inside though. It's normal. It's okay it'll feel better once we keep going._

_But I don't want to keep going, it really hurts -_

_Rey, just trust me._

_I want to stop -_

_Rey, please. Just trust me._

_And so she did. He kept going and tears kept coming out from her eyes. The pain was sharp, over bearing. He kept whispering sweet things but she couldn't hear. She wasn't aroused at all, she was becoming more dry by the second and the pain became sharper. She gritted teeth and clutched on to the sheets. He kept going even though she was dry. More blood came out._

_Baby Girl, can I go in all the way?_

_Rey shook her head. "It really hurts," she breathes. The feeling was worse because his eyes were on her, his wolfish eyes were staring at her guiltily. It made her feel worse. He was there, consuming her - she didn't have privacy at all. He was in her and watching her - she can barely move. "Just...just go slower okay."_

_He does but the feeling doesn't get any better. She's not wet. She's not lubricated. She's not aroused at all. He keeps going in and out of her and her clit was becoming irritated - it felt like her body was burning. She bits on to her lip to ease the pain but she was drawing blood from her mouth as well. She feels her body rejecting him. He doesn't belong here. He doesn't. Rey started crying. He tries to show affection by kissing her but it made her cry move._

_He pulls out but she's still sobbing._

_She sees pain in his eyes, guilt over what he had done and only makes her feel horrible. His arms are around her and kisses her head. "I'm sorry Baby Girl. We'll stop. Let's just sleep tonight. I want to hold you."_

She remembers this memory as she stared at him, Ben.

She was laying on his desk, bare and exposed.

"Rey, are you sure you want this?" Ben asks. He's hesitating.

She nods without a second thought. "Will you stop once I feel pain?" she asked.

"Of course. I'll stop. Just say when."

Slowly he puts himself in, just puts the head. This startles her because it's only light pressure but it faded in an instant. She feels her body curling into him, her body becoming wetter by the second. It stings a bit but it feels right. He moves himself in her slowly. She lets out a moan for him but she wasn't embarrassed about it. He becomes scared from the sound and so he stops but he still stays inside. "It's alright," she assures him. She winced slightly, he was twitching inside her and she wants the pain to be relieved.

"You looked like you were hurt," he frowned. He was distressed then. He pulls himself out and she winces from the closeness going away.

"I was only hurt because you were going slow. Can you please go faster?"

He breaks the moment. "Are you sure, Rey?" he rasps. He clears his throat.

Rey sat up and nodded. "Yes Ben I'm sure."

Silence. She watches him think.

"Please Daddy," she says in a low tone. She remains still, inviting him to come closer. "Daddy please," she says igniting the lust in him that's been repressed.

She watches his eyes flicker, becoming dark. He nodded, maintaining his composure. "Alright but only on one condition."

She bit her lip and lets out a little purr. Damn she wanted him. She liked seeing him like this, in control. It occurred to her just now - that with Kylo he was the one that was begging while with Ben, she's the one who's begging. She craved him, ached to be underneath this gentle giant. "Yes Daddy?" she asked. Adrenaline ran through her veins each time she called him daddy. Her heart was racing at the sight of lust across his face.

"I want you to tell Daddy when to stop."

Her cheeks turned red as she felt her body become wet. She liked the way he says the word. His tone was strong when he said it. Dominant and powerful. "Yes," she mumbles. Her chest was constricting she can barely breathe.

"Yes what?" he gave her a look of sternness.

"Yes, Daddy," her voice was small.

He smiles at her but it's clouded. "And I want you to tell Daddy what exactly you want me to do."

Rey nodded. "Please fuck me," she pleaded.

"Do you want Daddy to be gentle or rough?"

"Please be rough, Daddy."

He pushes her back on to the desk and shoves himself inside of her. He doesn't hesitate but moaned. "You're so tight," he mumbled as he moved his cock into her warmth. "You're so small but you're so wet." He presses himself deeper and found himself slipping in closer. He puts her hands above her head and holds them down as he was thrusting into her. She can feel the vibrations, the desk was shaking. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer to her and deeper. The pressure was still there but it doesn't hurt as much and instead she wants more. She wants more of him. She wants this closeness to last forever.

She looked up and moaned. He was long, he wasn't even fully inside and she was already coming. He stopped himself once she does but keeps himself inside, allowing the pressure to become stronger. He was still erect and pulsating, aching for another round. "Daddy," she moans into his ear as he left marks on her throat. He's leaving bite marks but she doesn't care. She can just cover it up with some powder before her presentation.

"Yes?"

"I want all of you."

She pulls at his sleeve with her teeth and licks a section on his neck before sucking on it. She sucked hard until she was sure it left a bruise.

He tightened his grip on her wrists. He stops her from making another mark and examines her. She looks exhausted, her eyelids were heavy and her hair was spilling everywhere. "Are you sure you want that? You already came." To his surprise, she wasn't drying up. Her pussy was wet, soaked in her juices. He can feel her body wrapping around him - feel her chest heaving from the weight of him. The pain was unbearable, he wanted to pound her until she milked him out.

"Daddy I want you to make me come again."

He moaned from her words.

"Daddy I want you to go faster. I want you to go harder. I want you to keep going until you come."

He kisses her forehead and then drags his tongue on her skin until he reached to her lips. "You're such a good girl."

"Daddy please hurry, there isn't much time."

Ben looks up at the clock. Shit. They have fifteen minutes left. Where had the time go? He gripped her wrists tighter and kept going, thrusting into her harder. The desk was shaking - she was shaking. He held on to her tighter to keep her in place. He pooled his head and sucked each breast, sucked into she was too sensitive to withstand it. Whenever she made a sneering sound he rotated breasts and kept sucking as he went deeper inside of her. She was loosening up each time until he's completely finally in.

Rey winced but it's a sound of pleasure.

He stops to marvel at the sight - to marvel at the connection - to marvel at her. Her body was flushed and her nipples were swollen to be sucked again. He lets go of her wrists and strokes her cheek. "You're such a good girl."

Her eyes lit up from his words. She snuggled her cheek on to his hand and sighed in relief. "Daddy, you haven't come yet."

"Daddy's surprised too." Hell, Ben's surprised he hadn't come the second he went inside.

"What will make you come? Daddy, I want to be a good girl and make you come."

He strokes her again and gives her a loving smile. "Can I fuck my Princess from behind?" he asks. His cheeks become red from revealing the pet name he had been saving up.

She raised her eyebrow. "Princess? Daddy I'm your princess?"

He nodded.

Rey blushed and smiled in delight. She chuckled softly. "I'm happy I'm your princess. But Daddy."

"Yes, Princess?"

"I'm tired. Can you help me?"

"Yes, Princess." He pulls himself off of her and scoops her in his arms. He places her down and chuckled. Her legs were trembling. He positions her to have her back against him. He rubbed her shoulders as he hiked up her dress. "Are you okay Princess?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Gently he bends her over. "Stay like this," he kisses the back of her head.

"Yes Daddy."

He went on his knees and sucked on her clit, drinking the juices from spilling. Rey moaned. Ben wastes no time. He pressed himself to her back and positions himself into her sex. He holds her down by her wrists once more as he quickened his pace. He groaned as he felt her following his movements. "Does Daddy's girl like this?" he asked, sinking his nails into her skin.

"Yes, like this Daddy. I like this very much," she said as she heaved. She was weak but she kept going, kept following every curve. She was panting, whimpering -

He pulled out.

Rey turned around and saw come seeping through the condom and dripping to the floor. She blinked. She had never see a man come into a condom before. Usually with Kylo he would take it off and then come. "It's been in a while," he admitted.

"I know," she said. She pressed him down to his chair to prevent any come from spilling on to the floor anymore. She put back on her underwear and then she bent down and pulled out the condom. She tossed it into the trash can and sucked him clean, taking a percentage of him down her throat. She dragged her tongue and sucks him clean. Her eyebrows furrowed when she sense more come spilling out of him. She waits until she sucked him off to ask, "Oh god how much come do you have in you?" she asked.

Ben blushed. "This doesn't usually happen it's just I was -

"Horny?" she teases, breaking the scene. She kissed the tip of his nose and smiled at him in awe. She watches as his face turn red and listens to his speech become unclear.

"I'm sorr-ry Rey." He says as he dresses himself. Rey does the same, fixing herself until she was presentable.

"For what?"

"I-I wanted our first time be right and not like-like this."

Rey laughed and smoothed his hair with her fingers. She pulled out his glasses and put them on him. "I don't mind."

"I wanted to be special. I wanted it to be romantic."

"Daddy I'm fine," she whispers, nibbling on his earlobe.

He blushes again. "Can I see you after your presentation? I want us to go to my home and sleep." The headache was back again. He frowned knowing that soon it's going to hit her too. She's going to be sick before they knew it.

Rey beamed. "Do you even have to ask -

She sneezed.

"Oh no."

* * *

A throbbing pain in her head wakes her but it wasn't until her anxiety knocked her into focus. She sat up and found herself in a dim room. Where...where was she? She wasn't at her house and instead was in a very cleaned white room -

Arms wrap around her, dragging her closer.

Ben.

She was in Ben's room.

She turned and stroked his hair. He was half asleep, eyes fluttering open. "I feel sick," she mumbled. She barely remembers what happened after they had sex. She feels sweat trickle from her chin. She was sweating and his skin felt hot.

He yawns and snuggles her. "You just need some sleep," he murmured.

"What time is it?" she stretched out her arms and yawned as well.

"Elven o'clock."

"At night?"

He laughs. "Of course. I wouldn't let you sleep without eating."

"Good because I'm hungry," she mumbled. She squirmed, she had a bitter taste in her mouth. It was a horrible combination, dried up semen and phlegm.

"I made some soup while you were asleep. I'll heat it up."

She rolled herself so she could be curled into his chest. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you but you got me sick." She remembers the missing pieces - she remembers meeting up with Ben. She remembers feeling nauseous in the car as he went to retrieve some medicine from a drugstore. She had taken medicine previously for her presentation and the second dosage had made her black out.

He laughs again, eyes gleaming. He touches her forehead. "You know I wouldn't allow that."

"Because Daddies take care of their princesses?" she asked.

His face went pale in horror. "I thought that was a hallucination."

She grinned and laughed. "No. No it wasn't Daddy," she teases. She rather likes it, calling him Daddy.

"I can't believe I let myself act like that. Rey I'm sorry -

She laughed and snuggled her face into his chest. "I wasn't exactly complaining. If it makes you feel better, I like you still."

Ben couldn't help but to be astonished. He felt sick with himself. He wanted so much to treat her right, to give her a romantic and meaningful first time instead of having their first time in his dingy office. "How can you possibly like me still after finding out I think about you like that -

"Because maybe I think the same thing."

He blushed again. "Really...you-you do?" he was stuttering.

She laughed. "You're very careful with me. You put me first - you take care of me," her cheeks went pink. "I just want to make it clear that I think of you as a protective boyfriend not as a father figure. I already have two protective fathers as it is, you may know them as Poe and Finn."

He nodded. "You already made that clear many times and that's what a healthy DD/LG dynamic is all about." He explains it to her in detail. He explains to her how it isn't pedophilia, incest, or abuse. He explains to her that it's an alternative take on intimacy involving with role play and care and respect.

"Are you into the diapers and pacifier thing?" she asked, hiding her face.

"No. I'm not really into the whole age play aspect of it. I'm more into the relationship dynamic, the lifestyle. It's like anything Rey. It's different depending on the person." He remembers when his Uncle Luke came out and his dad being surprised that Luke wasn't the 'typical gay man.' Ben remembers having to explain to his dad about not stereotyping and that it varies from person to person. Not all gay people like shopping the same way that not all Daddy Doms like age play and having their little girls act like children.

She pokes her head out and he gives her a smile. "I know I just...I just want to know what exactly you were into."

"I'm very into taking care of people. I care about your well being, your safety, your happiness. It's just another way in expressing how I feel about you."

"Are you just into being called Daddy and being dominant?"

"Um..." he paused and wondered how to explain it to her. "I'm more submersed into the dynamic."

"Such as? I know minimal about it."

"I like being a part of your life. I like being there and listening about your days. I like having boundaries set -

"Boundaries?"

"It's the same thing as having guidelines when getting into a relationship," he explained.

"Like our agreement with being honest with each other? And us being exclusive?"

"Yes."

"Do you have anything else you want established?" She lifts her head.

Ben smiled and petted her cheek. "Yes but only if you want them to be established."

"Tell me."

"I want to know everything about your day. Don't be afraid to tell me whatever is on your mind. If you need help, tell me. If you need space, I'll give it to you."

To her surprise, the things he wants she identifies. "I want that."

"I have other things I want - but if you don't want them to be established we don't have to."

"What are they?"

"There some days that I want to dress you up. I want to go shopping with you - I want to pick some things out for you to wear for me. I want to give you things whenever I feel like it. There's some days where I want to feed you and carry you. Some days I just want to pamper you - I just want to adore you and treat you like the princess that you are."

Rey thought about it for a long time. The things he wanted seemed harmless but she knows that it can become overbearing. Ben as loving as he was, can get overwhelming to a point that you feel like you're being smothered to death. "I'll say yes as long as you listen to me when I tell you that I don't feel like it."

He nodded.

"Do you want me to call you Daddy all the time?"

"Only when we're intimate physically or emotionally. And Rey."

"Yes?"

"I want to be updated on your grades periodically. I want to make sure you're doing well."

She breaks out in laughter. She couldn't help it. It was really ridiculous for him to say since she never lets herself fall behind. Hell she was one of his top students. "What are you going to do if I am?"

"I'll punish you," his tone is dry.

"Punish me as in?" As in what, spanking?

"We won't spend time together until I see improvement," his voice went hard.

Rey blinked. Her body was trembling from the sound of his voice, from the sound of the order. "I'm only agreeing to this because you want to not because I need to." Her grades were fine. A memory pokes at her, a memory of the few times he asked her about her other classes during the time they were just a teacher and a student. Rey wondered how long she had been on his mind. "Is there anything else?"

"Besides morning texts and good night calls, I don't want you to contact me until you finish all the work you have in your day. I.e. homework, work, and time with your friends. I want you to text me when you are free unless you need help or if it's an emergency. I don't want our relationship to be a distraction in your life."

Rey likes that. When she was with Kylo he would flood her phone constantly, asking her about her day every single second and he would panic whenever she didn't answer in half an hour. "I like that," she agrees to it then, everything.

"I also don't want you to be teasing me in class or in public."

"I don't tease you in class," she says coolly. That would be too dangerous.

"So you admit you do tease me in public."

She flashed him a cheeky grin. "Does that make you upset Daddy?"

"Yes it. It makes Daddy upset that he can't play with his princess."

"I can't promise that. Are you okay with that?"

"Only if I can punish you if you do," he says lightly.

Her heart was racing as she bit her lip. She always bit her lip whenever he excited her. "What will you do?"

"It depends on what you do to me. But the punishment will be justifiable. Princess?"

"Yes?"

"Is there any boundaries or rules you have for me?"

Rey thought for a moment. "I don't know besides what we already established beforehand. Can I get back to you on it?"

"Yes. And the things we have established can be changed and modified."

That settles well with her.

"Daddy, have you've ever done this before?"

He shook his head. "I wanted to but I never found anyone that I could be myself with."

"How did you get interested in this lifestyle?"

"I got interested in it a few years ago. The interest sparked after my breakup with my ex-girlfriend. She broke up with me saying that I was nice guy but she felt uncomfortable and that I was smothering her. She told me I had a dad personality. After she said it, it was stuck on me. I wasn't trying to take the role of her actual father and it bothered me for a few months until I did some research about my personality type." He remembers spending his nights looking it up and learning about the DD/LG lifestyle and being comforted that there were other people who felt and desired the need of protecting and tending someone. He felt the most comfort learning that if done properly, it was a healthy relationship.

"Ben when you said I had daddy issues were you expecting for me to have daddy issues?"

Ben shook his head. "No. God no. Rey that's not what a DD/LG relationship is about."

"I'm only teasing."

"You already know Rey, I just wanted the best for you during that time." He pulls her and have her sit up. He smoothed down her hair. He feels safe with her, safe to be himself around her. He smoothed down her clothes and then kisses her. "Sit here. I'll heat you up some soup. And Princess?"

"Yes Daddy?" she asks. She feels her toes curling to the word.

"Can I feed you?"

She wrinkled her nose but nodded. She knew it'll please him and that it wouldn't kill her to at least try it first. She knew if she didn't like it, he would stop. She sees his mouth curl into a pleased smile. She contained her smile as he went out the door.

He comes back minutes later with a bowl of soup and a cup of iced water. "First let's take your medicine first."

Rey was about to reach for the medicine on his nightstand when she caught his gaze. "I can take my own damn medicine, you know."

"Please?"

"Fine," she mumbled. She smirked as a goofy smile appeared on his face. God, he was a dork. She sat back down and opened her mouth for him. She swallows the teaspoon whole as he brought the cup to her mouth. She drinks until he pulls the cup away and places on his nightstand.

Ben stirred the soup around and blows on it until the steam was minimal. He dipped the spoon into the soup and brought it to her mouth. He was slow and kept his hand steady. She leaned and sipped the liquid from the spoon. She wrinkled her nose. "This feels weird." It was kind of hard to enjoy this when you were sick and can't taste anything.

Ben chuckled. "I can stop if you want," he says as he fed her another spoonful. He wiped the liquid on the corner of her lips with his sleeve.

"I'll let you have your fun for another few minutes," she says.

"You're such a good girl. You're always thinking about Daddy."

Rey stuck out her tongue at him.

Ben laughed. He dipped the spoon in the bowl once more.

Once she reached half the bowl, she stops him. She feeds herself then. He's transfixed by her, staring at her intently. His hand ran through her hair. She looked up and sees him smiling in awe. "Aren't you going to eat?" she asked.

"Once you're done. I'm too lazy to make several trips to the kitchen."

Rey laughed.

"I canceled class tomorrow," he mentioned. "I suggest you should not attend to your other classes either."

"Why?"

"Because you're still sick. I want you to rest with Daddy."

"Can I sleep with you in your bed Daddy?" she asked.

"Typically I would say no but since you're sick, I'll make an exception."

"Finn and Poe are going to kill me for staying over," she laughed, breaking the scene.

"Let's worry about that later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important note:
> 
> The title of my fic does not reflect/define Ben and Rey's relationship. The title of the fic was named after a song called Daddy Issues by the Neighborhood. I decided to title the fic this as a play on the misconception on DD/LG relationships. DD/LG relationships (healthy ones) are not abusive and are consensual with adults.   
> Hopefully I did some justice explaining the DD/LG lifestyle. As a reminder not all DD/LG relationships are the same and engaging in age play depends on the couple. For Ben and Rey, they do not desire to partake in that but they do some role play though. More about their relationship will be explained. I did research but since I personally never was in one I'm hoping I did some justice. 
> 
> Kylo will come back more into the fic. Rey and Kylo's first time is somewhat based on my first time with my ex. Currently torn between the brothers. I don't plan on all three being in a relationship since Kylo and Ben are brothers and I don't personally condone in writing incest. I'm fine with poly couples if they are not related and if it's consensual. 
> 
> I will go in detail about Kylo and Ben's childhood.
> 
> Song featured: Ride by Lana del Rey


	15. Diagnosis: Relapse

"Rey! Another package came!" Finn called out.

She looked up from her textbook and watched in confusion as Finn lugged the package to her. Another one? It's been a month since Ben and her discussed about changing their relationship. Rey's been fine with it - pleased even. He gives her space and knows when she needs space. He lets her go out with her friends without batting an eyelash as long as she told him and called him right away when she came home. She liked that because with Kylo she had to ask for permission while with Ben all she had to do was let him know and call him when she came home just to know she made it safe. She liked it how much Ben trusted her. He doesn't mind that a majority of her friends were male. He doesn't mind that she works out with them or hangs out with them without him. Ben lets her while with Kylo, he was jealous and possessive and insisted to tag along. Ben doesn't do that. He only goes if she asks him.

It's nice.

He even encourages her to do more activities with her friends like going to parties and joining the university's kendo team.

But this - him sending her gifts - she didn't know what to think of it. He's been sending her a package once a week since they discussed their relationship. Don't get her wrong - she likes the gesture and what he gives her - but it's too much. He sends her things like flowers and stationery and clothes and stuff animals - she likes them but she feels guilty every time she receives a package.

Ben shouldn't be wasting his money on her - but he likes it, she reminded herself. He liked spoiling her.

Every package she receives has a note inside. The notes vary from week to week, they're rather letters. Letters that he sends to her - letters of affection and love and words of encouragement.

"Geez Rey I would be pleased if my boyfriend send me presents," Finn teased. He's still wary of his peanut dating an older man but he was slowly accepting it. Ben Solo was a nice guy, a bit odd but well meaning.

"I am pleased!" she assured him quickly. Her eyebrows furrowed at Finn. She knows he's only playing with her but it made her feel worse about being constantly showered with gifts. "It's just - it's just I feel guilty that he spoils me so." She opens the box then. She always open the box with Finn around.

Finn laughed. "Well it's because you're a princess, peanut. You deserve to be treated like the princess you are."

She blushed to his choice of words. She tore the box open and rummaged through the padding. That's odd, she thought. It's usually a box filled to the brim but this time it's light. She dug her hand into the large box until she felt something. She pulled it out and discovered it was another package but in a yellow foam envelope.

"Cryptic," Finn said in his commentary voice.

"Shut up."

He laughed.

She tore the envelope and found a rolled up letter. She peeled the tape off of the letter -

There was a little velvet box.

Her eyes went wide at the sight.

"You don't think?" she asked slowly.

Finn shook his head immediately. "If it is, he's out of his mind. You guys haven't been dating a year and you're still in college."

Rey opened the box gently and found a pair of diamond earrings. She sighed in relief. But the moment was brief for the shininess of the jewels caught her gaze. She had never gotten jewelry before let alone diamonds. They were white diamonds and the setting was set in bronze and dangled.

"They're beautiful," Finn murmured in awe.

"I can't possibly accept this," she closed the box.

"They're not wedding earrings Rey."

"I know but these must cost him a fortune."

"I'm pretty sure he's not going let you return them. I'm pretty sure he spent a long time looking for the right ones for you -

"I know but I can't keep them. In good conscience I can't."

* * *

Rey decides to call Ben up. She shoos Finn away so she can talk to her boyfriend in private.

"Hey Princess, did you finish your homework already?"

She bit her lip. "I didn't - I know I shouldn't be calling you when I haven't finished but - Ben." She ends their roleplay. "I got your package today."

"Did you open the box?" he asked.

Rey's heart skipped a beat. She can hear him beaming. "Yes. Thank you - they're nice but I can't accept it. It's too much."

"I want you to have them, Rey."

"No I can't possibly accept it -

"I want you to keep them."

"Ben -

"Daddy wants his princess to keep them."

Her heart skipped a beat again. He's asserting his authority to her. "Yes, Daddy."

* * *

Ben likes to spoil her. Grooms her. He likes seeing her ears decorated in the cut of the earrings, in the cut of the diamonds. If he could he'll get her a necklace but he knows his princess. He knows that she doesn't like anything weighing down her neck.

Earrings were light. They don't get caught on things like bracelets do.

He likes seeing her tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear during lectures. He likes seeing her turn away whenever he looked at her. She's a very good girl. She always does what she is told. She is proper, doesn't tease him like she used to do.

She was very shy in public.

Even in his office with closed doors.

He has her in his arms, has her on his lap. She shifted but he doesn't notice as he tries to reach for her lips. "No - we can't," she tells him in a hushed voice.

Ben blinked. "It's okay, Princess. No one's here," he assured. He kisses her then. She's reluctant and remains still but after several kisses, she gives him. "Daddy's here to protect you," he reminded her. "No one else will see how pretty you are," he peels off her shirt . "If you're still scared, we'll be quiet." He reaches to unlock his drawer for a condom.

Rey placed her hand on his. "No, Daddy not here," she tells him, squeezing his hand from unlocking the drawer.

He moves his hand away. "Okay, not here," he tells her gently. He placed his hand in her hair and tucks it behind her ear to see how pretty her ears were. Those earrings were proof of ownership, a mark. He presses a kiss on the side of her neck, and then a deep wet kiss. He nibbles on her neck and reaches to nibble on her earlobe.

She squirmed, pressing her lips together. "Daddy - stop." But she doesn't want to really. She only means it when she calls him by his name.

He licked her ear and nibbled harder as he slipped his hand underneath her bra. He felt her up and he tugged on her ear and then traveled his hand to finger her through her pants.

Rey lets out a whimper.

"Daddy you're being bad," she says pushing him away. "You have to wait. School's not over," Rey breathed.

He held her by her waist then.

"I'm sorry Princess," he tells her, petting her hair. "Sometimes Daddies misbehave. It doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Will you still love me if I misbehave?"

"Of course."

Her eyes lit up. "Good because I want to misbehave."

He pounced to kiss her then. She covered his mouth with her hand before he could. "No Daddy, you have to wait until after school."

* * *

When their classes end, they head to his home. He already has things for her for overnight - spare clothes, a toothbrush, a box of tampons - practical things but also play things like lingerie and play collars.

It's night and he's supposed to be grading papers.

Well he is except she's here in the room with him.

She's not supposed to be here when the work hasn't been finished but he makes the exception.

They're at the table and she's doing her homework. Or well she did. She already finished and she was bored. Instead of getting a head start on her future assignments, she's staring at him. "Daddy I want you to play with me," she tells him.

"Not yet, Princess. Daddy has much work to do. That's why Daddy wanted to play with you earlier," he tells her in a stern tone. He rubs his sore neck and buries himself in the papers.

"Please Daddy?"

"No Princess. I want you to read ahead. I'm still upset about that D you got on that quiz in your Comparative Lit Class."

"It was just a quiz and the quiz was only ten points."

"That's not the point, Princess," he scolded her.

Rey's shoulders tensed. She knew he meant it. He's been monitoring her grades, has access to her school accounts and makes sure she doesn't fall behind. (He only has access to her school accounts and gives her privacy on social media and texting). Rey reads then but not out of submission but play. She kicks off her shoes as she read and out of defiance she started to feel him with her feet.

She keeps her eyes locked on to the page instead of watching him falter and whimper from the simplest touch. "What are you doing Princess?" he asked.

"You seem so tense," she said as she turned the page. She started to write some things in her notebook. She strokes his growing arousal with her toes as her other foot pressed into his constricting pants.

"Daddy wants to stop."

"But you like it, Daddy."

"Princess," he warns.

Her eyes flickered up to him and became transfixed by how he was biting his bottom lip. He was flustered. Rey rubbed him harder. Faster. "I want to misbehave. I want you to punish me." She rolled the ball of her foot against the buldge as she listened to him moan.

"Princess," he raised his voice. "If you don't move your feet on the count of three I will punish you."

"Go ahead," she laughed.

She watched as his eyes darkened.

"One."

Rey continued.

His eyes narrowed.

"Two."

She doesn't falter. Instead she bit her lips, seducing him.

"Three."

Ben stood up then and grabbed her by the waist. He put her over the shoulder and carried her to his room. He walks slowly for he was hard. He throws on the bed. "Stay still," he tells her.

"Are you going to spank me Daddy?" she grinned.

He doesn't respond. Instead he pulls out a piece for her from his closet. "Daddy wants you to put this on first," he ordered. "Hair up." He left then. Leaves her to change.

Rey held the lingerie and examined it. It was black and lacy, and mesh. Completely sheer. It was a thin body suit, a one a piece. Rey takes her time to put it on. It was completely shear. The color of her skin was clear and her nipples poked through the lace, close to tearing. There was a slit on the crotch but she knew it was for a reason, for access while she still had this piece on.

She went out and looked for him. She found him still at the table, his fingers tapping against the wood. The papers were gone. He had put them away.

He takes her in, stares at her up and down.

Rey couldn't help but to blush as she watch him stand up and tower her. "I want you bend over."

"Will you hit me, Daddy?"

"Yes. I don't want to but I have to, Princess."

After a fake conversation of stubbornness and defiance, Rey bends down, her elbows on the table.

He stands behind her closely, his hand parts her legs and runs across the slit of the piece that exposed her sex. She moaned.

"Do you think I'm a bad Daddy for liking this?" he whispered into her ear.

She shook her head.

"Answer me. I don't want a head shake. I want an answer." He said as his hand traveled to her waist. He holds her by there, holds her in place as his large hand slapped her ass.

Rey trembled from the force he was exerting on her. "No - no Daddy," she tells him.

He yanked her by the hair to bring her closer. "I'm glad, Princess." He slapped her again. Harder this time.

Rey leaned against the table.

He waits until she stand up before slapping her again.

He slaps her hard that she's screaming.

Her skin felt raw. Burning.

She winced as she shut her eyes.

"I'm sorry Princess," he tells her as he hit her. "We're almost done," he slipped in two of his fingers to bite on.

She takes his fingers and does so.

He yanked her by the hair to bring her up for one more last time. "We're almost done."

Her legs gave out. He sat down and brings her to his lap. He held her and stroked her back as she wiped the hot tears from her eyes. She wasn't crying because she was hurt. She was crying because he was a big man, with large hands so naturally it stung. "I'm sorry. You're such a good girl." He kissed her head as he took off her hair tie. He stroked her hair, running through the knots.

He lets her rest for a few minutes before asking, "Are you ready to play now?"

Rey nodded.

Ben smiled and kissed her forehead. "You're such a good girl, Princess." He had her sit on the table as he went to retrieve a condom.

He sat himself down on the chair and handed her the condom. "I want you to put it on for me," he instructed as he took off his pants.

Rey nodded. She tore the packing and was about to get down from the table until an arm stops her.

"No, with your feet."

"Ben you're such a pervert," she laughed breaking the scene for a second. "But I like my Daddy."

Ben couldn't help but to blush.

Rey does so, she placed the condom on his tip and gradually rolled it down with her toes. It was harder than she had anticipated. She didn't have much grip to the slimy coated latex. The pressure of his dick being in between her toes turns him on. Really turns him on. It takes her about a few minutes for her to reach to the base.

Ben did the last part, making sure there was some space at the tip. He grabbed the legs of the table and pulls it closer to him - pulls her closer to him. He kisses up her thighs and then bends her over a bit to lick her nipples through the lace.

She winced.

"I liked that sound," he murmured as sucked on her hardened nipple. He nibbled as he sucked, biting slightly as he fingered her down there. "You're so sensitive Princess," he said as he nuzzled her.

"And you're not exactly gentle," she laughed.

"I know," he laughed. He releases himself from her. "Daddy wants you to take him." He patted his lap, gesturing her to slide herself down.

Her body flushed. "Will you help me, Daddy?"

"I want you to try it on your own first, Princess. You have to learn."

"But you're so big Daddy."

"It's okay," he bit his lip as he watched her get off the table and onto his lap. He helps her by positioning himself to the slit of the bodysuit. "Just slide down," he whispered, fingers in her hair.

She nodded.

He watches the sight - watches her legs part and slowly take his tip in and then the whole length. He moaned at the sight of her pretty little face twisting from the pressure and length.

"That's a good girl," he cupped her cheek, kissing her. "Move up and down," he ordered.

"Yes Daddy -

She whimpered as he sucked on her nipple and felt up her ass.

* * *

Finn and Poe decide to invite Ben over for dinner.

"I can't believe you guys invited him without asking me," Rey mumbled.

Finn laughed. "And you're upset why?" he asked as he handed paprika to Poe. They were cooking in the kitchen while Rey was moping around, upset that her best friends asked her boyfriend over with consulting her and upset that her boyfriend agreed. She was still hesitant about doing double dates since her relationship was still new with Ben.

Poe chuckled. "It's not like you guys didn't have a thing before you started dating. Besides, it's about time we have a man to man to man talk about his intentions with you. Those earrings are a nice gesture but what's the meaning? Does he plan on being serious with you? We don't know so we're having him over."

Rey sighed and hugged BB-8.

"You guys are horrible. I still haven't forgotten that time you tried to follow us."

Finn and Poe flashed her a wicked smile.

There was a knock on the door.

"Rey go answer it. It's probably your boo now," Finn made kissing sounds.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

"He's kinda early, isn't he?" Poe asked.

"Well we told him to come over at seven. And it's seven twenty right now."

"That's still too early."

Rey ignored the two and went to open the door. She ran with enthusiasm as BB-8 followed her in curiosity. "Finally! You're usually on ti-

She went pale.

Kylo.

He was standing there, dressed all in black with his hands in his pockets. "Rey -

"What are you doing here?" she asked. She grabbed BB-8 out of defense from being held. "Get out."

"Listen - please just listen to what I have to say. I know I shouldn't be here -

"You shouldn't. You're trespassing."

"I'm not," he corrected. "Rey - I know you wanted me to go away but I can't. Rey I love you so much, please can we talk?"

She shook her head and held BB-8 tighter. "Get out," she threatened.

"I'm not leaving. I've been trying to move on but I can't. Rey you mean so much to me. I love you. Please give me another chance."

Rey shook her head.

Kylo frowned. "Please, can we at least talk?"

She was about to open her mouth until she saw Ben's car passing her. She froze. She didn't know what to do. Her phone was in the kitchen. She couldn't tell Ben and she couldn't shoo Kylo away. He will see Ben. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Ben's car come by to park.

"What's wrong? What are you looking at?" Kylo asked, following her gaze.

"Nothing! It's just - come inside," she blurted. It'll give her some time at least to get Ben out. "We'll talk inside. I don't want to cause a scene," her eyes met Ben's.

Ben sensed the fear in her eyes and recognized the figure. He quickly started up his car.

"What are you looking at?" Kylo asked as he turned around.

Her heart became still.

Kylo's jaw twitched. "What's he doing here?" he screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> to be continued! please review!


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